to think that I should be able to go into a bar without being sexually assaulted?

(188 Posts)
BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 02:59:27

I am quite drunk so sorry for any typos/incomprehensible..ness

I have just been on a rare night out with DH. DH is a music journalist and I went with him to a gig he was reviewing, we had a lovely night and then joined some friends from another band in a different bar after the gig.

I bought us a drink and then as the bar was packed I held my drink up high so that I didn't spill it on anyone, as I walked past a man, he groped my breast. I threw my drink in his face and asked him what he thought he was playing at, he laughed in my face so I slapped him (I don;t normally condone violence, but I guess my emotions overtook my reasoning) his friend then poured a drink over me, so I chucked what was left of mine over him and gave them both a piece of my mind. They both and the women with them went on to laugh at me and make fun of me.

DH and band were very supportive and kind and I felt really daft because I ended up crying and being comfroted by the lead singer of the band.

AIBU to think that I should be able to walk through a bar and not be fucking groped by some random cunt?? I don't think I am!!!! Urgh, just needed to get this off my chest before I got to sleep.

lubeybooby Sun 03-Mar-13 03:06:54

That's horrible sad don't blame you for being upset.

Sokmonsta Sun 03-Mar-13 03:11:39

Good grief! I'm fairly relaxed about 'banter' but that takes the mick. Esp with the guy's friends' reactions.

I don't blame you for your reaction in the least. Hope you're ok.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 03:14:21

He seemed genuinely surprised at my reaction, like I was supposed to be grateful for the attention hmm

I'm ok, thanks. I'm just pissed off now more than anything else.

Astelia Sun 03-Mar-13 03:29:44

That is assault. Did you by any chance get a photo or a name? Do you feel able to report to the Police? If he gets a knock on the door from the Police and has to account for his actions he might think twice about doing it to anyone else.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 03:36:12

Unfortunately no. I wish I'd had the sense to take a picture of him. By the time I'd got myself together enough to tell the bouncer, who was lovely and was prepared to not only remove him from the bar but to contact the police, the man had left.

kicking myself now, because this nasty prick is still out there and god knows what he's capable of. sad

I met my lovely DH because some wanker was touching me. I threatened to break his fingers (Saaf Laandon, me) and this other bloke at the bar suggested I sit with his friend, a Black Belt, if I was feeling threatened. Said Black Belt was DH and we have been together since. One of the things that I liked about DH (and his friend, who suggested that I sit with him) was that they took the whole thing very seriously. No laughing, they understood it was assault and that all reasonable people understand that people don't sexually assault people. FFS.

Eastpoint Sun 03-Mar-13 06:36:37

Bumping this up

ScottyDoc Sun 03-Mar-13 06:50:50

Pisstake, I'm glad you slapped the wanker and chucked drink on him and his sad little posse. This happened to a girl at a club right in front of me when I was early teens, a guy just literally stuck his hands up her skirt out of nowhere and was being egged on by his friends. I remember just being really shocked that it was somehow accepted as cheeky banter. Sorry you got groped sad but rest assured these sad tossers have no substance let alone the chance of having a fulfilling relationship with anyone.

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Mar-13 06:57:41

You're lucky you didn't get a glass in your face, or worse.

30 years ago, if that happened, you'd be 99% sure the bloke would back off if you slapped him and that wold be the end of it - today? Never in a million years would I slap someone, especially someone in a crowd as you wouldn't know how many of them there are - because I've counted more at least four so far in your OP - the bloke, his mate who tipped a drink and women with them.

That had the potential to escalate into something far worse than a drink over your head.

HarrySnotter Sun 03-Mar-13 07:19:31

I can see what you're saying Holly but I think it could be a reactionary thing. I couldn't just stand there if someone did that to me and often you do things you wouldn't normally through fear.

Part of the problem with these wankers is that they see to do it as a recreational hobby and don't get challenged.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 07:24:06

Helpful post as usual, Holly. You're a great person to have around several hours after an event. smile

OP - sounds horrendous. Hope you're OK.

MammaTJ Sun 03-Mar-13 07:41:24

I am shocked that there were women there condoning his behaviour.

OI, you two, if you happen to wander along, LTB!!

Glad you were looked after OP.

OhDearieDearieMe Sun 03-Mar-13 07:43:33

Well I don't know what's with the snarking at Holly's post Midnight. She's absolutely right. It could very well have escalated into something dreadful. I think it's safe to say that the OP couldn't possibly have known what level of lunacy she was dealing with and instead of an instant ill-judged reaction to what was obviously a shocking, illegal and unwelcome event it would have been far wiser to take it straight to the security personnel and ultimately the Police.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 07:45:34

So sorry Bubblegum. What a tosser that bloke was, and his mates.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 07:45:37

i'm trying to picture this. you were holding a drink in each hand. you threw one drink on him and then slapped him. did you throw the glass over him as well? how did you have one empty hand to slap him?

and why was the lead singer of the band comforting you and not your DH?

Tailtwister Sun 03-Mar-13 07:53:24

That's horrendous OP, you must have been really shaken. I'm also amazed that the women present were joining in. He should be charged with assault.

I hope you are ok this morning OP.

MrsMushroom Sun 03-Mar-13 07:56:39

I think you should have told the manager...were they removed?

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Mar-13 07:57:15

I'm not condoning the behaviour - I don't get drunk in public for a start - and perhaps, just perhaps - I've seen this sort of thinkg kick off before over something similar.

Society as a whole is just too violent these days. And I hate to sway it - drink fuelled women are far far worse than men. Men, usually, have a reasonable set of boundaries - women, often would think nothing of decking another woman or a bloke and having a full on brawl; its the "ladette" culture. Thats typified by the women in the Ops story laughing at the situation.

I'd have been probably quite gutless and done fuck all, knowing if I started slinging drinks round, my DH would have waded in and and probably got a pasting for his troubles.

Self preservation is my motto. And I like my teeth in my head, not across the floor.

ChairmanWow Sun 03-Mar-13 07:59:01

God that is such a shit thing to happen. I don't blame you for reacting the way you did. The bastard and his stupid friends deserved it. Clearly the two women have no self respect to be condoning this.

It happened to me a few times when I was a student years ago, and most of my friends. The student clubs we used to go to we're horrendous for it but nobody ever took it seriously. I'm glad the bouncer offered to call the police. It's still not too late if you still want to. You could call the club and see if there's any CCTV. The creep deserves a knock on the door from the police.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 08:03:53

OhDearie - the OP is clearly upset. To come on just to have a go at her, without a single word of sympathy just seemed unnecessary to me. I get what Holly's saying, but there are ways and ways of getting your point across.

I'm guessing the OP probably knew it wasn't an ideal way to handle it, in hindsight...

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:05:11

well if the OP threw the whole glass over him (unless in her drunken rage she managed to tuck the other glass neatly under her arm in order to slap him) i think she should be arrested. not saying what happened her is right if i am to believe her.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:05:59

hang on .. i misread the OP i apologise she had only one drink. i thought she had one in each hand. my apologies.

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Mar-13 08:06:36

I didn't have a go at the Op at all - I pointed out she wasn't wise, not the same thing as having a go.

As you say, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:07:09

Fluckered, not that it's relevant, but the OP mentions her drink, nothing about two drinks.

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