To feel a bit upset that my friend has not invited me to her wedding?

(277 Posts)
stormforce10 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:52:57

We've known each other since we were 11 and stayed good friends. I met her fiancee on a train which got delayed, we talked for hours, stayed in touch and a few years ago I introduced them and 10 months ago they got engaged.

This evening I spoke to her and she told me that she's decided not to invite me to their wedding in April as she only wants a small one. Fair enough but given she's invited all her work colleagues and quite a lot of our other friends and their families AIBU to feel somewhat upset and wonder if there is another reason she's decided to leave me out

Whocansay Mon 25-Feb-13 08:49:42

YANBU to be upset, but there's nothing you can do. Chances are you won't ever get the truth of the matter. I would stop returning her calls. She is no longer your friend and further contact will only hurt you.

She's not a nice person to snub you so publically. So, no great loss.

BillyBollyDandy Mon 25-Feb-13 08:51:13

I agree with RedHot

She knows her fiance liked you first

I agree with the others who've said it's very odd but not to ask why. I'd just distance myself from her and get on with my life. It will be her loss.

stormforce10 Mon 25-Feb-13 08:52:31

I never thought of him having a crush on me shock I certainly do not have one on him though I enjoy his company and we share some interests. I have been with Dp for 13 years and we have 2 children so I am not available anyway!
will rise above it. rather sad though

FruOla Mon 25-Feb-13 08:56:35

YANBU - very hurtful. I don't think I'd ask either. Nor would I waste money going away the weekend they're getting married just to cheer myself up. Nor would I buy them a present.

I would send a nice card though. And, yes, I would be gracious and dignified when asked about my lack of invitation.

Matildaduck Mon 25-Feb-13 08:57:36

Drift away...well away from this sort of person.

She is clearly jelous that he liked you first.

I'll bet you get a hen invite from her!

pinkpaperpiggy Mon 25-Feb-13 08:58:24

YANBU

When I was in Uni I had a lovely male friend. Loads in common but definitely no attraction between us. I introduced him to a friend of mine and they hit it off straight away. Within weeks she totally dumped me. She clearly didn't like the fact that I had history with him, even of a non-romantic nature.

That was it - I was totally excluded and lost two friends because of it. Never match made again. I think your situation might be similar. Maybe she feels since you introduced them that having you at the wedding would take some of the limelight away from her.

expatinscotland Mon 25-Feb-13 09:00:24

YANBU. I'm afraid in light of the situation, I'd have to dump her. And no asking her why or sending her a card/gift - WTF? Just don't contact her anymore. If she asks why, tell her, but otherwise, just move on without her in your life.

YANBU, but drift apart.

I was going to say she might be tight on numbers with you being a odd one out, not knowing anyone in the groups she has invited, but it doesn't sound as if that is the case. Is there someone she would have to invite if she invited you, that she might not want to? I was left out of one wedding invitation for that reason (explained up front to me), then the couple were able to sneak me in when someone dropped out freeing a space (but by not originally inviting me they had avoided offending others iyswim).

DowntonTrout Mon 25-Feb-13 09:02:29

DH and I were VIP guests at a wedding a few years ago as the bride and groom had got together through DH. This is despite the fact that we weren't friends or even close as such, it was through business. I have only seen them once since.

So, I would be upset too if I were you. It sounds as if there is more to it, especially as she says she has decided not to invite you. I'm not sure I would ask why I wasn't invited though, people get so funny when weddings are involved.

expatinscotland Mon 25-Feb-13 09:02:34

When people ask why you're not going, just say you weren't invited and leave it at that.

expatinscotland Mon 25-Feb-13 09:04:39

You're better off without a person like this in your life. YY, just drift off.

WandaDoff Mon 25-Feb-13 09:06:12

IMO RedHot has it in one up there. ^^

chocolatemuffintop Mon 25-Feb-13 09:06:39

Poor you. How horrid!

I'd let her get on with it. No card or gift from me. Close the door on the whole episode. There is no point in investing any more emotional energy in it. Even if you asked her for her reasons you probably wouldn't get the honest answer so why waste your time?

Rise above it. She obviously doesn't deserve you. wink

I have had similar, the bride to be spoke to me of all her plans, the hen do, the wedding etc, so I believed I would be invited. Didn't happen, no invite to either. At the time I was upset but soon realised that she wasn't a friend and in hindsight she never had been, I was just someone that could she could look down on and make her feel good. I have never asked her why, there was no point because she would never tell the truth.

I think you need to accept that this relationship was not what you believed it to be. YANBU to be upset.

RedHotRudieParts Mon 25-Feb-13 09:15:11

Oh dear, dear , kind, naive op.

He so bloody did like you first, maybe he told her he was madly in love with you at first. ?? shock In fact, I think if you'd made any indication you were interested he'd have dropped her like a hot brick, probably still would.

You should of course stay in touch with your male friend, if only to piss her off wink

CloudsAndTrees Mon 25-Feb-13 09:16:11

I'd be upset at that too. I agree that he probably had feelings for you and she doesn't like it.

It's a bit pathetic really. I invited DHs ex to our wedding evening do, had no reason not to.

AlanMoore Mon 25-Feb-13 09:16:33

YAnbu to be upset. Send a card and bow out - she's been rather daft excluding you as the mutual friends are already talking about you not being invited. Don't worry, it's her issue and she's the one who'll suffer when some tipsy person asks why you aren't there! Particularly during the bit of the speeches where they talk about how you met...

Cherriesarelovely Mon 25-Feb-13 09:23:17

That is absolutely horrible. She must have realised how hurt you would be. I agree with others though. Don't ask her (tempting as it might be). It will only sound desperate and to be honest you probably wouldn't want to go anyway now. The damage has been done and I can't believe she doesn't know that.

This happened to my DP when EVERYONE else in her team at work was invited to a colleagues wedding (a colleague that she thought of as a good friend). DP was so hurt. It was also embarrassing too as everyone else was asking her about it and she just had to say "I'm not invited". There must have been some reason why she was left out but she never found out. To be honest she never felt the same way about that colleague/friend again.

KissingKittyKat Mon 25-Feb-13 09:33:39

When I said I would confront her, I didn't mean confront her to try and get an invite, I just meant I would confront her to let her know I am not so stupid as to actually believe I am not invited because it's a 'small' wedding. If it was a friend I valued I would expect a genuine explanation as to why I was not invited.

To be honest, even if she did change her mind and invite me after I'd confronted her, I would politely decline anyway.

Agree with other posters - spend all the money and time you would have spent on the hen do and wedding doing something nice for you and try not to dwell on it.

KissingKittyKat Mon 25-Feb-13 09:36:53

However I do also kind of agree that maybe it's best to just rise above it, stop contacting her and get on with your life.
If she contacts you and asks why you've not been in touch, just be honest.

expatinscotland Mon 25-Feb-13 09:40:06

Don't send her a card! WTF would you send someone who behaves like a fecking nob a card?

expatinscotland Mon 25-Feb-13 09:40:34

Just drift off and move on.

CelticPixie Mon 25-Feb-13 09:44:19

I wouldn't even bother sending her a card to be honest. What a complete and utter cow, and I'd be really tempted to let her now how upset you are and then let he friendship drift.

Cherriesarelovely Mon 25-Feb-13 09:49:35

Agree, I would not send a card or present. There is rising above it and there is being treated like a door mat. Agree with kissingKitty though, if she does contact you be honest.

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