Dd1 aged 13 wants to go to a party tomorrow......

(140 Posts)
Xroads Thu 21-Feb-13 08:43:28

wearing these

and some wet look leggings (which she wants to buy today, I've said I think it will look tarty for her age) and a top.

She thinks its ok to spend all her money on the shoes and leggings (£35) and not leave enough to buy drinks whilst at the party. I said she will get dehydrated.

AIBU to not allow her to go? (she has already been grounded for the past 2 days so it was touch and go as to whether she was allowed to go anyway)

The party includes getting ready at her friends house and staying over after btw.

ps I have pmt so I am aware I may be unreasonable, hence the question.

AngryBeaver Mon 25-Feb-13 00:14:08

hmm, alrighty then!

Dozer Sun 24-Feb-13 22:28:30

This takes me back. When was 13 my friend had a "dinner party" at hers one midsummers eve, all girls, she wore a vintage ballgown with feathery bodice, another friend wore lace collar 60s type dress, I wore a black low-cut french connection lycra minidress and heels, an outfit that the OP would definitely consider "tarty" (mum is a feminist and just told me I looked lovely), we drank wine and ate spaghetti, there's a picture of us by her front door in the evening sunlight looking sooooo young and fabulous!

Wish could pull off that outfit now!

LaQueen Sun 24-Feb-13 21:52:58

I think I'm clearly too old...when I had my little beauty salon, I flatly refused to spray tan/wax anyone under the age of 16 hmm

Bunbaker Sun 24-Feb-13 21:50:02

Maryz That is how the year 8s at DD's school dress.

LaQueen Sun 24-Feb-13 17:13:22

I can only go from seeing our friend's DDs, who are that bit older - and the girls we have to babysit the DDs, who are 16/17...and, that glam look really doesn't seem to be fashionable with them?

I've also spent quite a bit of time recently at our local girls grammar school, too - and on non-uniform days they don't seem to wear anything revealing, or glamorous? Plenty of make-up, and carefully dishevelled up-dos, but their clothes seem quite casual, with a lot of Jack Wills stuff (I think it's called that?).

Might be a regional thing? We're pretty rural around here, just with small market towns and the nearest city is nearly 20 miles away.

Personally, I think that 13 year old girls, should actually look like 13 year old girls and not like 17/18 year old young women.

I firmly believe in picking my battles once they become teenagers (as opposed to being the Benign Despot that I currently am) but ensuring they wear age appropriate clothing is one battle I will definitely fight. And win.

But, like I say, I doubt it will be much of a battle, as their peer group don't seem to dress in age inappropriate ways, anyway.

Startail Sat 23-Feb-13 22:37:33

That link looks like our sixth form, the second they are let out of uniform.
Mind you some of their in uniform skirts are that short.

The HT's war seems to have passed them by.

Maryz Sat 23-Feb-13 20:22:24

It's very sudden, the flip from tomboy grunge to bodycon/tan/no knickers.

It seems to happen overnight here, just about as the kids hit their second year in secondary (14 here).

All of a sudden they stop wearing jeans and uggs 365 days a year and look like this

GrowSomeCress Sat 23-Feb-13 20:09:44

I agree with LaQueen and AngryBeaver

I'd be more concerned about the shoes than the leggings though, 13 is too young really to be wearing heels like that

AngryBeaver Sat 23-Feb-13 20:07:49

I just read out some of this thread to dh.
He said "is this in England?" I said it was.
He laughed and said, "you wouldn't get that from the girls here, they's wear baseball boots with socks, shorts and top, but they look great, like kids should look"
And both said at the same time "happy". There isn't the pressure of conformity here. Hooray

AngryBeaver Sat 23-Feb-13 20:00:40

Am totally with you LaQueen, although we seem to be in the minority. I am mystified.

I think wet look legging (which resemble pvc???) are far from suitable for a <mega phone> THIRTEEN YEAR OLD!

And wedges are heels. Why would 13 year old need to wear high heels?

I just don't see why we are supporting our daughter's in their desire to look like 16/17/18 year olds.

You lot are making me feel like a conservative old fart! (I am 34)

Non of the girls around here dress like that, thank fuck. I think they'd stand out a mile if they did and be ridiculed.

SarahBumBarer Sat 23-Feb-13 17:07:38

Did I click on the right link? They're mary-jane style wedges yes. Perfectly fine for a 13 year old.

Anyway, I think her revised look sounds lovely - sophisticated and a bit hip (although I think hip is a seriously un-hip word)

LaQueen Sat 23-Feb-13 16:52:36

We were the last of our social group to start a family, so all our friends have children 12/13/14... none of them dress in the kinda stuff the OP is talking about hmm

The overwhelming look even for parties, seems very dress-down and slightly tom-boy-ish, but with make-up and quite elaborate but messy up-dos smile

But, nothing even remotely revealing, or body-con, or 'wet-look leggings with heels' hmm

AngryBeaver Sat 23-Feb-13 09:42:56

northern, you may be right...but,fuck, I hope not!
I am hoping that having moved away from the "sleb culture" we will not have to go through all of this!

SamuelWestsMistress Sat 23-Feb-13 00:29:51

For any future posters like OP who are having teenager footwear issues...just let me know if you want me to post pictures of my big fat freaky bunions to put them off!!

But I still won't admit to my mother she was right...

Remotecontrolduck Sat 23-Feb-13 00:25:29

Nice to see she's picked a slightly more conservative outfit now though smile

5madthings Sat 23-Feb-13 00:24:42

The op has updated to say she is wearing a top, jacket and knee length skirt with tights and the shoes. Sounds fine smile

Remotecontrolduck Sat 23-Feb-13 00:19:20

I think the shoes are absolutely fine, but paired with the wetlook leggings could be a bit much. Depends massively on the top though, a sort of long loose T shirt thing fine, a tight vest top probably not.

There are bigger battles, and wedges and leggings at 13 really isn't bad trust me....it's when they want to go out in those little lycra knicker shorts and stillettos you need to draw the line!

Startail Sat 23-Feb-13 00:14:00

I think no and clothes as long as they are decent is pretty pointless, unless they are going to a wedding or off hiking.

My 15 yo does sensible middle of the road clothes, because that's the way she approaches everything in life.

My just 12 yo oscillates between little girl and rock chick, has since she was about 9. I suspect she always will. She is blessed with the sort of looks and colouring that let her be quietly pretty or quite striking.

She's going to spend the next 10 years playing with her style and I'm certain I shall have to pick my battles very wisely.

DD (13) went to a party last week in some ridculously high heels, which she took off when she got there, a skirt which was a mini at the front and long at the back (hideous) and a lacy top. She looked, unusual, and very, very tall, but I told her she looked great.

And that really annoying hair, sort of a big quiff thing at the front and long at the back. Why?

grin Honestly angry - come back when your dd is 13 and see which battles you're fighting. Don't get me started on the leaving the house without a coat thing...........

mrsbunnylove Fri 22-Feb-13 21:31:54

@angry- absolutely right the coat didn't make her pregnant. the mum's attitude did. she was a nice little girl until the mum made her 'more exciting' in her 'prossy coat'. just an example of giving an impression of yourself which others then respond to.

AngryBeaver Fri 22-Feb-13 21:31:27

northern I agree that strong independant girls grow into strong independant women. However they are NOT women at 13. That is SO young. Far too young to be wearing towering platform heels!!

Yes, pick your battles and all that, but I would pick this one!

I would think a 13 year old in those shoes with wet look leggins, would look ridiculous...like a mini 18 year old.

I was with a 12 year old (13 soon) last weekend (she was taller than me and I'm nearly 5'9)
She had a floaty (shortish) summer dress on and roman sandals, a hairband with a biggish flower on the side, no make up. She looked lovely.
And guess what? Despite her size, she was a little girl!

AngryBeaver Fri 22-Feb-13 21:25:22

Ok, I am sober, and I still think no!

And I wouldn't care if there was an almighty row over it, the outfit is far too old for her years..."no is a complete sentence" wink

Still, everyone is different and if you are ok with it, that's up to you.

Happymum22 Fri 22-Feb-13 20:49:33

PS remember to tell her how lovely she looks and wish her a good night from me smile

Happymum22 Fri 22-Feb-13 20:48:33

You sound a lovely and sensible, realistic mother who has got things just right. She also sounds a lovely DD and her outfit sounds a great choice- suitable for her age and the event. And although you were worried about her budgeting it sounds like she sensibly saved Christmas money and put it all together for the ipad and then bought an outfit for this party which hopefully she'll be able to use in different combinations in the future. If shes anything like my DD that leather jacket will barely leave her body from now on!

13 year olds all go through that awkward phase where they just desperately want to fit in whether through being trendy or good at something or whatever. Clothes and parties may not be where you want her to get her self-esteem from but this sort of thing is where most 13 year old will either feel good or bad about themselves.
At least its not a short skirt and crop top, sounds like she does know about dressing appropriately and that you have laid down clear and realistic boundaries.

Sorry to hear what you went to and glad you are trying to make sure your DD never has so suffer like you did in an abusive relationship thanks

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