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to have thrown water over DS (10) as he would not get dressed this morning?

(362 Posts)
StuckForAUserName Fri 08-Feb-13 10:55:59

We are late almost every day due to DSs having no interest in getting ready for school and it is an ongoing problem where I am severely stressed out every morning.

It got to 8.25 this morning (we need to leave by 8.30) and DS1 was still in underpants jumping on his brother and fighting him. He had been repeatedly told to get dressed and I warned him I would do it.

I picked up a small jug of cold water I had been using for the iron and chucked it at him. He was soaked and had to change pants. He had some splashes of water on his clean and laid out ready school uniform but I told him to put it on.

I now feel very guilty and hate that I did it but the only other option was a hard slap on the arse IMO. So am I a child abuser?

StuckForAUserName Fri 08-Feb-13 10:57:15

Oh he got dressed very quickly after that but then blamed me for us being late again as I had made him wet hmm.

YANBU
My brother was a similar age when my mum threw a bucket of water over him to make him get out of bed. It doesn't hurt and he was much better at getting out of bed for a while after that.

As the mother of a 10 Year old DS I feel your pain. My DS is constantly leaping round with his pants on when I am telling him that we have 5 minutes.

Don't feel bad....better than a slap and at least he knows you mean business. Maybe he will get ready a bit earlier next time!

I honestly dont know if you are being U or not......I don't think I would resort to that but never say never hmm

DonderandBlitzen Fri 08-Feb-13 11:01:19

I feel your pain as my dd is a nightmare at this. I brought in a reward system where if dds are ready and out of the door at the right time they get a point and 5 points = reward on Friday. It has worked so far.

OxfordBags Fri 08-Feb-13 11:03:47

NO, the only other option was NOT a slap on the arse. There are plenty of other options, all of them including you controlling yourself and parenting better. I fucking hope this is a wind-up, what sort of person throws water over their child to chivvy them along?! It's not only cruel and humiliating, it's illogical as, like he pointed out to you (far more mature than you), it made him late having to dry himself and change his pants. But that's not the point. YWBVVVVVVVU. He also had to go to school in Winter weather with damp clothes.

Nice work. Am sure being late would've been so much better than this. How can he ever be secure again that you won't do something freaky and horrid to him again over something trivial? Him messing around was frustrating, yes, but what you did was vastly disproportionate. You need to apologise to him; how can you expect decent behaviour from him when you model such outrageouslly bad behaviour and OTT reactions?! You indulged yourself in sating your own frustration at his expense.

Believeitornot Fri 08-Feb-13 11:03:48

What about leaving without him?

StuckForAUserName Fri 08-Feb-13 11:03:48

Thank you Egg. That makes me feel better.

Betty I have 2 X 10 year old DSs so you can imagine how easy it is to lose control grin.

whatyoulookinat Fri 08-Feb-13 11:04:48

I feel your pain. 3dcs all up at the crack of dawn but still rushing to get out for 8:30. Maybe I will try throwing water over them tomorrow grin

OxfordBags Fri 08-Feb-13 11:04:51

Can't believe people are condoning this! You don't teach children to behave well by behaving badly yourself!

StuckForAUserName Fri 08-Feb-13 11:05:54

OxfordBags get back in your box. Do you have any 10 year old boys?

WorraLiberty England Fri 08-Feb-13 11:07:02

I agree with Oxford

OP, as much as I can understand your annoyance...losing control like that isn't the answer.

Would you find it acceptable if he threw something over/at you or his siblings just because he didn't like the situation he was in?

Come on....she hardly threw a massive bucket of water over him, it was a little jug after probably hundreds of warnings to get ready. I doubt it has scarred him for life and maybe now he will know she means business and actually get dressed!

Stuck - two ten year olds, I take my hat off to you. smile

Shesparkles Fri 08-Feb-13 11:08:34

OP you're anything but a child abuser! Funnily enough I have a 10 year old ds and have felt exactly like you have this morning. I think what you did was inspired, and I totally get what you say about the alternative being a smack, I've been there myself.
You warned him, made the consequences clear, and followed through your threat. I think that makes you a good parent. Don't be hard on yourself

HappilyUnhinged Fri 08-Feb-13 11:10:02

When I was a teenager, I remember my stepfather chucking a bucket of water on me (soaking my bed) to get me out of bed one morning after weeks of me making everyone late. I thought it was hilarious. It's not abuse, it's understanding that actions have repercussions. No one is hurt. It never did me any arm, and it WAS funny.

Just make sure ts not a regular thing. 'My mum throws a jug of water on me every morning IS abuse'.

PippaHems Fri 08-Feb-13 11:10:20

My mother used to threaten me with the water jug treatment and my dad used to do it to get me out of bed as a matter of course. Its water, not some sort of posion. I hope the punishment works smile

mrsjay Fri 08-Feb-13 11:10:41

I once burst dds blow up chair thingy they were both arsing about with it and saying its mine its mine so i got a knife and burst it like a loon Yanbu

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Fri 08-Feb-13 11:10:57

Get back in your box? hmm

I have a nearly-10yo boy, also a 5yo and a new baby.

Ds1 and 2 are very slow at getting ready. But they get there in the end, what we do is get up early enough, and they know that if they're late, they'll get into trouble at school so I just step back and say, it's up to you chaps.

I also help them if they can't find things.

I don't think it was an appalling thing to do, but it wasn't pleasant or kind - is there not another way to handle this recurrent problem? Like talking tot hem explaining, puttingthe onus onto THEM to get ready?

whatyoulookinat Fri 08-Feb-13 11:11:37

[oxford] I'm not considering it but I really don't think the op needs a hard time about it. She had the water to hand & used it. I usually end up shouting at my 3 most mornings & that's not good, I alwalys feel bad afterwards but trying to gets kids ready for a certain time can be very stressful.

Shesparkles Fri 08-Feb-13 11:12:10

Would you find it acceptable if he threw something over/at you or his siblings just because he didn't like the situation he was in?

This isn't about not liking the situation, this is about him repeatedly having ignored an instruction. A 10 he's old enough to learn the consequences of his actions, and also to know that people have limits, and he'd steam rollered through his mother's limit.
We had to sit ds down last weekend and speak to him about the impact his behaviour has on my mental health. I don't know if it's a behaviour pattern particular to boys, but it's the pushing to the limit the pushing some more, whilst grinning in glee.
Whilst we'd all like to sit down and reason with our children in a stressful situation, it's not realistic

Mrs - that reminds me of something my mum did years and years ago. She bought me and my bro and sis an inflatable tweety pie between us and we were in the back of the car one day argueing over it so she got a safety pin out of her bag and popped it.......stuck in my mind for ever, lol smile

LadyMargolotta Fri 08-Feb-13 11:12:25

It's one thing them being late for school; it's entirely another to more you late for work.

Whilst not condoing what you did, I understand entirely.

Pagwatch Fri 08-Feb-13 11:12:35

I think you really need a plan.

The dynamic - you shouting at him to get ready, him pissing about - is not going to change because you escalate from shouting to throwing water at him. Where do you go next?

He is 10. My dd is 10.
Fwiw this is what I would do.

Sit him down. Tell him that this morning was dreadful. It was upsetting for everyone and you don't want to ever be that angry about just getting up and ready for school. Tell him you are dreadfully disappointed in him that he is behaving like a little baby and disappointed in yourself that the situation is getting out of control.

I would ask him how mornings ought to be. Would it be nice to laugh together in the morning - maybe have more time?
How could you work together to do that?

Get ideas -
Getting up earlier
Having uniform ready the night before and bags packed and behind the door
A schedule with rewards for the mornings he is ready first
...anything that helps.

Then tell him that there will be consequences if he is so late again and go through with them
It should be his worst nightmare. Write it own and stick it on the notice board next to the schedule/reward chart.

I don't know if it helps. But you have to make him fel invested in being ready and concerned about being late or he will continue not to give a shit and your frustration will get worse.

flowery Fri 08-Feb-13 11:13:10

YABU for telling someone to get back in their box just because they disagree with you. Don't ask for opinions if you only want ones that agree with you.

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Fri 08-Feb-13 11:14:16

Also try lowering expectations - all we have realistically to do in the mornings is get dressed and eat something.

They watch TV from getting up (6-7am, bit random) and I get their breakfast or they do, I findtheir clothes or they do - it just depends who is holdingthe baby at the time!

It's not a rush. It's nice. We're all in it together. If I took on all the responsibility myself, I'd be in pieces. Plus ds1 has dyslexia so that makes him very slow...it isn't his fault.

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