in thinking that mumsnetters don't like men very much?

(232 Posts)
examiner99 Fri 25-Jan-13 13:57:55

I'm new to mumsnet and thought it would be a great place for positive mutual support, but I'm aghast at how many 'I've lost my man so let's encourage some other poor woman to ditch hers' posters there are here. People are not perfect, men or women, so why is everything the man's fault? (I am a mum by the way, in case you were wondering...)

Mumblepot26 Mon 18-Feb-13 11:16:56

OP YANBU, I am with you on this one, there are definately a significant number of women who shout 'leave the bastard' at the slightest hint of an imperfect man. They seem to have an over romanticised and idealised view of what a man should be. We are ALL flawed, we are all human, none of us is perfect and no single relationship is perfect. This is not a Holywood movie, this is real life! I say wise up ladies......

Rhiannon86 Mon 18-Feb-13 07:58:46

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

I don't like arseholes. That's fair enough isn't it?

I was much more surprised by how much some mumsnetters don't like other women.

My husband is a man, he's lovely. My DS is scrummy.

YAB a twat U

I don't know about that, yourname111. I'm a feminist and I've liked a lot of men <tries to breathe out cigarette smoke in a sexy, post-coital way> <makes horrible choking noise instead>

yourname1111 Sun 17-Feb-13 23:53:26

@OP you got that right. no wonder most of the population both men and women associate feminism with man hating

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sat 26-Jan-13 17:28:46

i like honest, decent men. why should i like any others?

such a lot of men are horrible to their partners and the women are too down-trodden to leave without someone saying 'it's ok, go, he's being horrible'. they need mumsnet.

so, leave the bastard.

what was the bad bit?

achillea Sat 26-Jan-13 15:55:48

I know what OP is talking about and it is hard for people not used to MN who come on with a few niggles and doubts about their relationship and someone makes them immediately feel they are abused and downtrodden. But the vast majority of those discussions end up with some kind of conclusion, whether the OP goes off and renews her wedding vows or whether they go and find a shelter somewhere.

I think this is probably the only place where people feel they have the opportunity to tell an abused woman to leave their partner - it has probably saved many lives, of women and of children.

So I would say the good outweighs the bad on the whole.

BelaLugosisShed Sat 26-Jan-13 15:51:22

I'm still waiting for the naming and shaming, the definitive officially sanctioned list of man haters and their misandry laden posts...

Encouraging women to realise that they deserve to be treated with care and respect and not to accept anything less than being treated like an equal partner - is that Man Hating, really ?

What I do see quite a bit of, unfortunately, is women seemingly heavily invested in telling other women to accept being treated like shit by their men.

TrampyPants Sat 26-Jan-13 15:49:05

Well, it's all for the cause...

AnyFucker Sat 26-Jan-13 15:48:59

grin

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 26-Jan-13 15:45:37

grin Any
Best keep that under wraps, eh? Wouldn't want to spoil your image!

AnyFucker Sat 26-Jan-13 15:38:19

Haha. I have had a hell of a lot of stick for it too. Onboard and in my inbox. Lovely innit. < checks locks on DH's ball and chain >

TrampyPants Sat 26-Jan-13 15:25:57

Oh af we all hail you as the queen of the haters of penis-bearers.

AnyFucker Sat 26-Jan-13 15:21:14

I thought the same, IfNot

I like a man that makes me laugh. I am not allowed to say anything like that though, as it would demolish my reputation as a Man.Hater.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 26-Jan-13 15:16:17

I think I might have a little crush on compos hat.

<shamelessly cruises thread>

TrampyPants Sat 26-Jan-13 14:39:18

Yep. I have arthritis and fibromyalgia. On Thursday my hips and knees swelled up and I haven't been able to stand unaided since. Dh and ds have both taken great care of me, not just because they are wonderful, but because it's the decent things to do. I couldn't imagine having such disdain and disrespect for men that I would be shocked by this, or put up with less because "its the way men are" or feel that I had to endure my marriage.

Man-hating is expecting men to be abusive, neglectful, cruel and unfaithful. And expecting women toput up with it because they can't help it. It's lowering men to the level of impulsive animals. Not expecting themto treat you well.

seriously though i really do love decent men. i have to admit that i am was a bit emotionally fragile in some ways because of my mum's issues when i was growing up. there have been men (the first my grandad of course) who have really, really nurtured me and have had this beautifully simplistic kind of love and affection that i've rarely found from women. men can be superbly loyal and reliable. they can be incredibly practical and nurturing in a crisis. they can be incredibly generous lovers who genuinely get a lot of pleasure from giving pleasure.

it is knowing this, having experienced this and having enjoyed the best of men that makes me someone who will happily say leave the bastard - i know having a penis doesn't have to make you a dick. i owe my life to a few key men who took care of me when i was fragile. i know they are capable of love, consideration, caretaking, generosity, consideration, etc etc etc.

when someone is an arsehole it is because they are an arsehole. when someone takes advantage of societal privilege bestowed upon men it's because they're an arsehole - not because they're a man.

pictish Sat 26-Jan-13 14:28:24

I agree swallowedafly and said similar earlier in this thread.

I think that those of us who have expectations of good treatment, happy marriages and respectful relationships are the ones who have high regard for men.

Those who normalise and minimise poor behaviour from men are the fundamental 'man haters', as their expections and standards for men are low.

It's ironic really.

SolidSnake Sat 26-Jan-13 14:24:06

Very good point swallowedafly

GiveMeSomeSpace Sat 26-Jan-13 14:23:29

swallowed agreed 100% - I can never understand it

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Sat 26-Jan-13 14:21:13

YY saf. Plenty of posters are always saying things like, "this man is treating you badly but there are lots of lovely men out there/this man is doing no housework but that's because he's lazy not 'because he's a man'/yes little boys are sometimes rough but so are little girls, it's a kid thing not a boy thing" etc etc.

Not man hating at all.

but still it's weird that those with a low opinion of men are often the most keen to hang onto a man no matter what confused

i would say, not having been at all close to my mum, that my most formative relationship was with my grandad. he was honestly wonderful and i would go to his house every day after school and hang out learning card games and drinking sweet milky tea out of cups and saucers and basking in his generous love and patience.

i also had some genuinely lovely boyfriends when i was too young to settle down.

i actually think that those of us who get called man haters and tell people to 'leave the bastard' are the ones who actually have the blessing of having known genuinely fantastic men. the, 'oh he's just being a man', 'they're all the same', 'you have to train him', 'you can't expect him to realise' etc types seem to me to be the ones who have a low opinion of men and perhaps weren't lucky enough to know and be loved by decent men when they were growing up.

GiveMeSomeSpace Sat 26-Jan-13 14:13:38

Another man here - been on MN for 3 years now. Have to disagree OP - vast majority of MNers are balanced and give good advice. Given that it's a largely female forum, it's not surprising that in general, the support can lean towards the woman. I think that's to be expected but not overtly skewed.

But but but....

.... on some topics there seems to be a small minority that appear to hover 24 hours a day, waiting to pass on a piece of their own bitterness and ill will at any opportunity, no matter whether or not their experiences are relevant to that thread. Because they shout so loudly, they appear more numerous than is really the case. It's the same on any other online forum you go on, whether they be religious, political or whatever special interest group it may be. I guess you'll always get some that want to "rule the school"

I came on MN to get pointers on being a better father and husband and I must say that it's been hugely helpful in that respect. I'll be sticking around for the forseeable. Thanks MNers!

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