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Friend has hired a country house for her birthday and has just informed us it's £200 per person. I'm really annoyed because a) it isn't even a 'special' birthday b) I didnt really want to go in the first place as it means leaving pfb overnight but i felt obliged as she is a good friend and c) I can't bloody afford it.
Im just going for one night as ds is still little so I'll be spending 6 hours on the train (by myself) to spend 24 hours there. I realise that is my own bloody fault and not hers but it adds to my annoyance!
There will be additional costs (travel, going out money etc) so whilst i have to write off the £200 should I make my excuses now and pull out before this thing escalates further?
Mostly im annoyed at myself for saying yes in the first place as i would be perfectly happy spending the weekend at home with ds and £200 could buy A LOT of nappies
She is a very good friend so feel free to flame me for being selfish.

No YANBU it is a lot of money - I'm guessing that she is loaded and / or child free?

Why would anyone flame you for being selfish?? I think your friend is being selfish if she expects her friends to fork out £200! You can however say no...

YANBU, £200 is a silly amount of money. And if she's organising the party, shouldn't she be paying for it?

Yes and yes! I'm an idiot for saying I would go in the first place

you're not selfish! I don't understand why people do this. If they want you to come to a party, they should invite you. If they can't afford what they want, they should find something cheaper.
I would just say "thank you so much but I'm not going to be able to make it..."

No way are you BU! I wouldn't go, I wouldn't be forking out £200 either. That's ridiculous for a birthday.

She can't really get people to go without giving a cost estimate.

You should really tell her that you have thought about it and it's too costly and a very long trip to and fro.
And that you'd like to meet up soon to compensate for missing her birthday.

She seems a bit precious, btw. Or loaded (but in that case, she should fork out for the guests).

I think you could pull out if you did not expect the cost to be so high. Was there no discussion of possible cost before it was booked?

Sheesh £200!

That is an obscene amount of money to expect anyone to spend on a birthday!

DD2, me and a friend all have birthdays in January, and all we do is go to a nice pub in town and have a lunch there. Costs about £25 for all three meals and drinks.

Just simple pub grub, and soft drinks but it's a real treat for us.

Just email straight away and say you can not go, you can't afford it. If she offers a loan or whatever just say no, thank you.

I can't imagine a universe where I would spend £200 on a birthday night away, YANBU IMO.

Maybe I'm an anti-social fuck, but it's beyond me why people hold birthday gatherings and expect others to cough up. It's just rude. If you can't afford something then just don't do it.

If she never said how much it'd be then you've every right to say £200 is too much and you can't go

£200 is way too much for a weekend country house type thing, ridiciulous, plus you'll need to pay for travel, food, drinks

I think it's really selfish/arrogant to assume that you're loved enough that your mates will fork out that sort of money. Really unfair to put anyone in that situation.

Agree with everyone else. I loathe it when people do this, it really is just rude and selfish.

Yep, it's too much. It drives me nuts when people do this - rude.

At least it's not a special birthday or a christening or something where you feel under the cosh to go. Back out and be wary of other invitations.

I think it's really selfish/arrogant to assume that you're loved enough that your mates will fork out that sort of money. Really unfair to put anyone in that situation.

This.

Far too much! Email now and tell her sorry, it's unaffordable.

Yrnbu....I hired a country house for my 40th....I paid for the accommodation and all of the food...the only contribution I asked for was for people to bring some alcohol ....

YANBU. there is no way i could fork out 200+ on a night away, nor would i want to leave my newborn either.

if she's such a good friend, she'll
a) know its more than you can reasonably afford at the minute
or
b) if she doesn't know you cant afford it, she'll understand when you tell her
and
c) understand you can't/don't want to leave pfb yet

don't make yourself struggle financially for the sake of a birthday. your friend will have another one next year and if she's any sort of friend she wouldn't want you to struggle for the sake of her birthday. i know my best buds wouldn't. we quite often do cheapies these days as one of us has 3 kids, one has just bought a house and is doing it up and I've just had bubs and am on mat pay.

I agree with Southeastdweller. Just say it's too expensive. I hope your friend isn't expecting a birthday present as well.

I am constantly amazed at the number of threads I read on here by people who have friends who organise hen parties/birthday weekends/weddings and then expect the guests to fork out several hundred pounds for the privilege. And then they get upset when their invitees say they can't afford it. What kind of world do they live in?

If I was going to organise an expensive weekend away with friends I would sound them out first before booking anything.

£200???????????? Pull out. She is a joker.

Tell her you can't afford it

£200 for one night, plus the price of the train fare. I'd tell her to take a hike.
Or if I wanted to keep the friendship I'd ask her how come it costs so much. Even the poshest country house shouldn't be that much for one person for one night.

Why do you need 'going out money' surely if it's £200 pp then the 'going out; is being in the place you've paid for??

Still too much tho, just say no