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To wonder how sex can be "unnatural" ;? TMI alert

(143 Posts)
PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 00:44:10

Been with DP just over 12 months, we only ever have sex in the missionary position. I have tried to instigate other things but he somehow manages to veto them.
Normally I sleep in his arms but last night I wanted more space and turned over to sleep. DP snuggled in to the back of me and used this as a perfect opportunity to take control and put DPs thing in from behind. It wasn't going particularly well but DP didn't move away. But just as it seemed to be getting in the right place DC woke up and needed tending to.
When I returned, DP got on top as usual and said "this is better, that other way was unnatural" confused

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:20:46

If only stone I suggested I scrubbed his back in the shower thinking there's no room to lie down but he declined and said he'd prefer to shower in peace.

cynner Sat 05-Jan-13 01:20:55

Damn it...I have already been flamed tonight..
OP, I know finding the right words can be difficult in the sex arena (I could speak sex all night, money is my fright inducer..)
Maybe think of sentences that will get your needs met in a non threatening way..

Casmama Sat 05-Jan-13 01:21:55

Some people don't respond we'll to hints. When he begs you to come that's when you tell him you want to change position of not before.

WeAreEternal Sat 05-Jan-13 01:22:39

My mum always used to say to me "if you can't have an adult discussion about sex with your partner, taking about anything from contraception to what positions you would enjoy, then you shouldn't be having sex with that person in the first place"

I know that it is a statement aimed at teenage me but for some reason reading your posts it just jumped into my mind.

You really should be able to talk about this with your DP, I don't think just trying to initiate a new position is enough, I really think you need to figure out why he finds missionary the only acceptable position for sex.

And your faking enjoyment has probably not helped the problem, if he is convinced anything other than mitionary is unnatural then your faking it will only have cemented on his mind that mitionary is good and fine and enjoyable.

thornrose Sat 05-Jan-13 01:24:22

Feel free not to answer but does he like/allow oral sex (giving or receiving)

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 05-Jan-13 01:24:58

I completely understand you faking it op, I would of to just to get him off me grin

Again tell it to him straight and give loads of appreciation when he does something new.

cynner Sat 05-Jan-13 01:25:01

^what WE said^
I actually may borrow your very smart mum's words to use with my teenage daughter...

Sunnywithshowers Sat 05-Jan-13 01:29:17

Pepsi, the comment about consent was more about the fact that you hadn't explicitly consented, not that your DP hadn't. Did you mind that he was sticking his penis into you when you wanted to go to sleep?

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:29:46

I played coy and said I have no idea how to please myself you will have to show me. To which he replied well I'm hardly going to have experience of making a woman come using a toy am I?
I said I don't see why not. He looked confused.

auburntrees Sat 05-Jan-13 01:30:06

possibly a fantasy night? What he would enjoy, what you might enjoy? Very gently introduced? One of my favourite sayings is 'if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got'.

Maybe just a gentle step at a time, no pressure, just something very subtle. But do talk to him.

thornrose Sat 05-Jan-13 01:30:59

I read it that OP used the opportunity to guide her dp's penis into her!

Stonefield Sat 05-Jan-13 01:31:12

Oh my god! He really needs to listen to you. Start making him work for it, if he genuinely cares about whether you come or not then he should be willing to try something new.
How about asking him about his fantasies and then telling him yours, women are always more imaginative than men, maybe you can open his eyes.

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:32:01

I have given it him once but he looked very uncomfortable and he would never do it back.

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:33:08

Thorn well put

showtunesgirl Sat 05-Jan-13 01:34:02

OP, never, ever fake anything during sex. It's absolutely pointless.

It does sound like there are some underlying issues here.

thornrose Sat 05-Jan-13 01:34:58

Pepsi, someone asked up thread, do you know much about his previous partners/experiences?

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:35:07

Stone I have tried and just got "dont know" reply but I will try again and maybe think of one of my own that won't scare him.

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:35:49

He was married for 20 yrs, single for 5.

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Jan-13 01:36:30

How much do you know about his past and do you think he could have had a bad relationship?

An abusive relationship perhaps or just a strange one?

showtunesgirl Sat 05-Jan-13 01:36:58

Jeez, imagine married to someone for 20 years and they only want to try it one way! shock

Do you know what happened with his marriage?

Stonefield Sat 05-Jan-13 01:37:21

Can I ask what sort of man he is? How does he relax? Is he affectionate? Is he talkative about other things?

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Jan-13 01:37:29

X post

Do you know much about his 20yr marriage?

Perhaps he's bottling something up?

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 05-Jan-13 01:39:27

This would be a deal breaker eventually for me OP. The thought of crap having to fake it to get him off me sex for the rest of my life would fill me with horror.

You really need to talk to him.

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:39:31

She was a SAHM and then got a job and left him for a colleague. Don't know much more than that.

thornrose Sat 05-Jan-13 01:40:38

It sounds like he has lost confidence and has become afraid to try new things. After a 20 year marriage it had probably become quite routine. Are you a lot younger than him?

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