To wonder how sex can be "unnatural";? TMI alert

(143 Posts)
PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 00:44:10

Been with DP just over 12 months, we only ever have sex in the missionary position. I have tried to instigate other things but he somehow manages to veto them.
Normally I sleep in his arms but last night I wanted more space and turned over to sleep. DP snuggled in to the back of me and used this as a perfect opportunity to take control and put DPs thing in from behind. It wasn't going particularly well but DP didn't move away. But just as it seemed to be getting in the right place DC woke up and needed tending to.
When I returned, DP got on top as usual and said "this is better, that other way was unnatural" confused

Casmama Sat 05-Jan-13 01:03:25

How much do you enjoy your sex life?

AmberLeaf Sat 05-Jan-13 01:04:20

Sounds like he has hang ups.

Don't know what to suggest, but I think stuff like this is very deep rooted.

It would be a deal breaker for me.

Are you happy other than this issue?

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 05-Jan-13 01:04:21

Get him drunk OP and tell him you want him to do you doggy. Maybe try find some Spanish fly to slip in his drink <cackles>

So when your having sex (god such personal questions) do you stick you legs in the air? Around his back? Pillow under your bum? Legs on his shoulders? Or is it literally missionary position with no extras?

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:04:36

Yes discussion would be seen as criticism especially this far down the line.

thornrose Sat 05-Jan-13 01:04:56

It seems he was prepared to try something different until you were disturbed and then thought better of it. I'd say he has deep seated issues, sorry, I realise that's not helpful!

Casmama Sat 05-Jan-13 01:05:43

Ok so stop faking it immediately- it is dishonest but more importantly encourages sex that doesn't do it for you.
When you don't fake it he will surely notice and that is your opportunity to say this isn't working for me tonight honey could we try a different position, how about . . . . .

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:07:02

No extras Brandy I try to wriggle free to maybe lift my legs up or something but he doesn't take that as a cue to do anything just I assume thinks I'm getting more comfy or something.

SinisterBuggyMonth Sat 05-Jan-13 01:07:44

Just thinking... Was the "unnatural" comment because he thought you were initiating bumsex?

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:07:57

I tried getting us both drunk. So I had dutch courage to ask for more and could blame the drink for it in the morning. He was so drunk he couldn't get it up!

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:09:03

He knew it wasn't bumsex. My reply was along lines of its hardly like I put it up my bum. He just laughed and said fair enough.

AmberLeaf Sat 05-Jan-13 01:09:11

Good point Sinister

thornrose Sat 05-Jan-13 01:09:55

I think you should try to talk about it away from the bedroom, with or without alcohol!

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:11:35

Cas I stopped faking last time. He just kept changing speeds, going deeper etc til in end he just went for it and begged me to come. So I faked it on the last second.

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 05-Jan-13 01:12:20

Op I shouldn't be laughing but I am.

Fuck it tell it to him straight, say I am bored of this and can we both spice things up a bit. Buythe karma sutra (why not) and tell him you want to work your way through it.

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:12:43

And say what?

cynner Sat 05-Jan-13 01:13:23

I think some men feel anything other then missionary is not masculine..
Can you speak to him in a moment when you are both relaxed..let him know it would heighten your pleasure if you could try some new positions? Nothing scary,like "oh let's get a sex swing"

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 05-Jan-13 01:14:10

Give him the book say dp I want to spice things up its getting slightly samey all the time. What do you want to try first.

thornrose Sat 05-Jan-13 01:14:18

I do find it odd/sad that you can't discuss this. What are you afraid of? What do you think will happen if he feels criticised?

cynner Sat 05-Jan-13 01:14:21

Or ermm..Work our way backwards through the Karma Sutra..

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:15:10

I've tried so many hints like handed him 50 shades of grey and said start at chapter 15 we might learn something new to try. He just laughed and put it down and carried on with what he was doing.

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 05-Jan-13 01:16:20

No your going to get flamed now for mentioning that shite book.

Stonefield Sat 05-Jan-13 01:18:36

First of all Abbierhodes, stop worrying about consent, if a man is pushing it into your back when he's asleep he's willing and wanting it, this being proved by the fact that he's climbed on top and finished.

OP you need to go for it! If he won't discuss it then take control, definitely stop faking it and just tell him what you want. Is it always in bed? How about varying location? I know it can be difficult sometimes with DC's, but trying to take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves no matter what time of day. Can't you get him to bend you over the kitchen table?

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 01:18:42

Sorry but I was desperate and I agree its shite but I only found out after I bought it.

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Jan-13 01:20:22

How well do you know him and how much do you know about his past?

Is there a chance he may have had a bad experience/relationship that's clouding things for him?

thornrose Sat 05-Jan-13 01:20:23

I would say "I love you and I love having sex with you but I want to try something other than missionary because it's boring "

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