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To feel upset and tearful about staying with SIL

(211 Posts)
Ghanagirl Thu 13-Dec-12 21:04:24

i'll try and keep this brief, we are having our house extended it was supposed to be finished mid November, but has overran despite builders saying if we moved out it would be completed in 4 months!
We initially rented a small flat (me DH plus 2 kids) but lease ran out last week and due to tight finances we moved in with DH's sister her husband plus their two kids who are older but attend same primary school. I really didn't want to move in with them but as I'm not working and finances tight plus DH putting me under pressure felt like no other choice, (my mum made it clear her house too small)
Anyway since we've been here I've done all school runs which is quite stressful as the older two (DH's nieces) are used to getting up late and generally being late for school I pick all kids up and even drop older twonto activities, but I'm getting really stressed and tired as when SIL gets home from work she has taken to going to rest while I try and manage all kids homework dinner etc, my two are now starting to play up and I'm on the edge of tears most days. Advice please I'm dreading Christmas we are supposed to be back in our house next week but can't see it happeningsad

MadBanners Sun 16-Dec-12 09:43:42

No one would put up with their DH coming home from work and then doing pot all around the house, or at least not without feeling resentful. They are not staying there rent free, they are contributing, if they are paying for all food, which for 4 adults and 4 children wont be a small amount tbh!

There are 3 adults taking the piss here, and the SIL works part time, so what is she doing on her days off?

Sil and BIL may be doing a favour, but does not mean OP is to feel so grateful they can walk all over her.

She should not be having to deal with getting all the children to do homework, that is their parents job.

Just because you have family to stay does not mean you get to stop all parenting and household jobs and responsibilities yourself, which is what seems to have happened.

The SIL get home from work, and pops off to have a rest, leaving OP to deal with 4 kids having to do homework, and if she is doing all the cooking, presumably starting dinner for everyone. How anyone can be accusing the OP of wanting to be lazy here is beyond me.

People who work part time may still work every day.

Judging by the OP's snappiness on this thread I think a large part of the trouble is that the sil is trying to keep away from her not the kids. I think for a sahm staying there for free, a bit of childcare and cooking is fair enough.

MadBanners Sun 16-Dec-12 10:04:31

True enough, I think I am feeling a bit snappy though, as since I became a SAHM (because we moved country and I want my fecking old life back thank you very much) Dh does nadda, he will eat at his laptop, and it seems to me that even taking his own fecking plate to the kitchen is beyond him!

However, OP is paying for all food, so not completely free, and I still think the other 3 adults are taking the piss somewhat! Not just SIL, but there are 4 adults in that house!

BsshBossh Sun 16-Dec-12 10:38:58

SIL's children sound a bit of a handful (perhaps due to their own parents' lack of involvement or interest in their lives?) so I can see how stressful this is for you OP.

Tanith Sun 16-Dec-12 10:44:50

I agree with MadBanners.
I can't help comparing this situation with the "leave the bastard!" threads that crop up from time to time about DHs that expect their wives to do everything and don't lift a finger just because the wife is a SAHM.

The OP is not a slave and shouldn't be treated as one. Do you know, if she were an employee, expected to do all cooking, all cleaning, all childcare while her employers wouldn't even allow her heating, there'd be none of this "you're living rent free" or "the housework will keep you warm": there'd be outrage!
The OP isn't an employee; she's family. I'd be ashamed to treat my SIL the way the OP is being treated.

Ghanagirl Sun 16-Dec-12 20:09:07

Northernlurker, have you read my posts SIL actually wants us to stay longer as she said it makes her life easier!
Her kids are a handful because both parents mum especially finds it easier to not be around them, apparently prior to us moving in she ropes in other mums at school to pick them up and drop them at activities (I usually do one day) and she works 9-3 3 days a week.

Ghanagirl Mon 24-Dec-12 13:24:06

Thanks all those who posted positive comments, we moved back to our house, still needs work but much preferable to living with SIL merry Christmas!

Greensleeves Mon 24-Dec-12 13:27:25

Great news Ghanagirl, now put your feet up, give your arse a chance and have a lovely, unfraught, unstressful Christmas! grin

wine flowers

Laquitar Mon 24-Dec-12 13:41:48

4 extra people in the house cost a lot even if you buy your food. Extra baths, w/m, dryer, oven, kettle etc. Electricity is not free.
Let alone the noise and luck of privacy.

Imo its fair to help and this has nothing to do with being SAHM.

SantasComingEarlyHisSackIsFull Mon 24-Dec-12 15:55:47

Phew! Laqitar, the thread has moved on. Thank goodness you are not having to slave away in someone else's house over Christmas. Your were doing far too much there. Take it easy now OP. Happy Christmas.

AgentZigzagHasABigYuleLog Mon 24-Dec-12 16:01:40

Nice one smile

Have a fantastic, and relaxing, Christmas x

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