To think he should buy a new fucking engagement ring!?

(438 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

BlueSuedeStiletto Sat 17-Nov-12 23:48:53

I got a text from my ex fiance this morning saying:

"Hiya, this might sound a bit weird, but can I have the engagement ring back?? Think I may have found a new recipient!"

My face was like this shock.

I've not seen him for a while- since I picked the last of my stuff up- and have been distancing myself, but he didn't mention anything when I saw him. I asked him when we split if he wanted the ring back, and he said no.

Obviously I don't wear the ring, but it still means something. And what woman in their right mind would want a ring chosen by a man's ex and worn by her for nearly 3 years? I think that's pretty insulting for both of us. AIBU??

BeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 21-Apr-16 15:23:52

Hallo everyone - as this is a zombie that keeps getting bumped, we're going to suspend posting indefinitely. Many thanks to those who flagged.

EarthboundMisfit Thu 21-Apr-16 15:11:11

Oh God!

Mandp76 Thu 21-Apr-16 14:58:20

If I was proposed to with a ring that belonged to his ex fiancee I'd call time on the relationship. I'd be livid. Surely every woman deserves her own engagement ring. (Unless of course it's an old family heirloom or belonged to a mother or grandmother.) No one that belonged to an ex!!!! It's also proved to be unlucky so it would be a no no. Also as it's a gift, it's yours. Maybe ebay is calling sooner than you had planned.

RaqsMax Thu 21-Apr-16 14:47:37

Very simple:
The Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 provides the answer and it is actually relatively straight forward. This legislation states that:

The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

Basically, although it can seem unfair, this means that unless there was an agreement to return the engagement ring if the wedding was cancelled then the recipient is under no obligation to return the ring. The courts will generally say there was an implied intention that the ring would be returned if it had particular sentimental value to the person who proposed, for example if it was a family heirloom.

LagunaBubbles Thu 21-Apr-16 14:40:35

ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE!!!!

EarthboundMisfit Thu 21-Apr-16 14:39:38

Legally speaking, i believe it is yours. That said, I would simply text him and say he can pick it up whenever, and congratulate myself on my lucky escape.

LeaLeander Thu 21-Apr-16 14:23:58

Legally the ring is your property.

Personally I would not want to keep such a symbolic gift from an ex-lover and would have returned it at the breakup.

He is exceedingly tacky to consider using it for another women.

GinaBambino Thu 21-Apr-16 13:53:00

Haha! I haven't managed to read through all the replies but I still have my engagement and wedding ring from my XH. I know he used his wedding ring again when he re-married last year and his wife wasn't very happy but it was a tungsten one so relatively cheap but extremely strong for his job as policeman then prison officer.
Tell him no, it's weird and why would his potential new fiancée want your engagement ring?

Charltonangel Thu 21-Apr-16 13:47:53

I know it's a zombie thread, but having read 12 pages of comments before I realised, I'm now going to post an update for everyone:
1. Bluesuedeshoes and XP bought ring together
2. He ended it and insisted on her keeping the ring when she tried to give it back
3. 2 years later he asked for it back to propose to someone who was not even his girlfriend (and was someone else's)
4. Fourteen pages of discussion around moral and legal obligations of keeping vs giving back the ring
5. Conclusion that OP's XP just wanted to be a gloating twat
6. OP sold the ring on eBay, paid some bills and lived happily ever after

Until mumsnet sent it out in their daily bulletin.

Sparklyglitter Thu 21-Apr-16 13:46:32

Ha! Ha! What an idiot! I would so not be impressed if my husband had given me an ex's ring!!
Don't give it back! I think it's disgraceful he has even asked! A gift is a gift!

Tell him you sold it, keep it if you really want it or get rid of it and buy something nice with it that you will really enjoy! :O)

Quook Thu 21-Apr-16 13:13:36

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Quook Thu 21-Apr-16 13:13:25

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Quook Thu 21-Apr-16 13:13:05

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uhoh1973 Thu 21-Apr-16 13:08:14

Oh and do sell it!

uhoh1973 Thu 21-Apr-16 13:07:34

TBH I would tell him you have already sold it (how will he know any different?). I think its outrageously rude of him.

Text him back and say' Thnx for the text. Congratulations! Unfortunately sold the ring X mths ago. All the best!'

Job done ;-). Imagine asking him for a pair of pants back because you want to give them to someone else?

loulou0987 Thu 21-Apr-16 12:53:48

Thats outrageous! It was a gift. You wouldn't buy a man a watch and then ask for it back if you had a new boyfriend!
Id tell him you've lost it or given it to a charity shop.
Cheeky beggar!!

DownstairsMixUp Thu 21-Apr-16 12:49:04

Just incase anyone missed it, this is a zombie thread.

SoupDragon Thu 21-Apr-16 12:40:04

who appointed you to the rank of mumsnet obersturmfurrer??

I did. Who appointed you to the rank of illiterate user of offensive nazi terminology? Assuming, of course, you meant Obersturmführer.

Anyone with an ounce of common sense can see that people are wasting their time answering the OP as if it is a current thread and that they are pissed off with it.

flso Thu 21-Apr-16 12:35:46

Extremely rude message to send, regardless of the reasons for break-up. I would be so offended if I found out my partner gave me a ring that he'd originally bought for someone else, and who had actually been wearing it!

Sell it. Then go on an amazing holiday. wink

wasonthelist Thu 21-Apr-16 12:12:29

I didn't think we did swearwords in the fucking titles?

shoeaddict83 Thu 21-Apr-16 12:10:47

SHE SOLD IT 4 YEARS AGO WHEN THIS THREAD WAS STARTED!!!!!!!

Ifeelsuchafool Thu 21-Apr-16 11:48:13

I was always of the understanding that if you broke off the engagement you gave back the ring, if he did, you got to keep it and if a mutual decision, you agreed who had it at the time of the breakup. To come back now and ask for it is unreasonable if he had agreed you should keep it at the time. Who wants a second hand engagement ring anyway unless it's a family heirloom? 😕

dowhatnow Thu 21-Apr-16 11:46:02

Do the new woman a favour and don't give it back. Who wants a second had ring. Imagine her proudly showing it off and everyone cooing over it unless you unreasonably hate her guts Poor woman.

Saying youve already sold it gets you out of it nicely without causing grief.

trannywhitherwax Thu 21-Apr-16 11:41:42

Tell him he might find it on eBay if he's fast enough.

CodeComplete Thu 21-Apr-16 11:31:39

ZOMBIE THREAD PEOPLE!!!

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