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To think you should stay out of other people's bedrooms

(450 Posts)
Alligatorpie Tue 30-Oct-12 06:27:48

pil's were just visiting ( for 10 days) and I lost track of the times FIL came into my bedroom. He normally has a problem with boundaries, and after being with dh for 15 years, i am used to it.

Either I was in there, or the dc's were, so to my knowledge he doesn't go in there alone, he doesn't snoop around, he just talks to whoever is in there.

But I would never go into another adults bedroom - we stayed at pil's house for six weeks and I don't think I ever went in their bedroom.

AIBU to think you should respect some spaces in other people's houses? Or is this normal behavior? and no , I didn't confront him.

Ohsiena Wed 31-Oct-12 12:10:54

Tit grabbing not a great comparison granted, as obviously much worse than intimating sexual language, but you get my point about different levels of caution needed by men and women?

I don't want to start a new thread (as I've said over and over) as I want to leave this one and certainly don't want any feeling of responsibility for another discussion which I would let eat into my day.

ISeeDeadFairies Wed 31-Oct-12 12:13:01

I think the banter was 1: part of his personality and 2: to keep the thread light hearted. Unfortunately point 2 failed but it was not his fault. This entire debate has happened because of his gender and as previously stated if he had a different nn this would not have been spotted.

Ohsiena Wed 31-Oct-12 12:15:19

SP Woody Allen can tell Jewish jokes, I wouldn't.

Your relation to the in group you are joking about is vital. If you are joking from within the group you can get away with a lot more, if you are making jokes from outside the group you are likely to be viewed with suspicion and certainly have to exercise more caution.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Wed 31-Oct-12 12:16:02

I don't think there should be different levels of caution tbh. I don't see a man making a sex joke intimidating that I wouldn't if a woman said it.

I find it hard to see men intimidating though I have bad experiences as I see it as it was a evil person who did that. I don't see them as male or female as that doesn't matter. If your going to do shit like that its because you are a nasty basterd and it has nothing to do with your gender.

ScaryBeardyDeadyman Wed 31-Oct-12 12:17:03

If I say that I've used a strap on, can I continue to make jokes about them?

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Wed 31-Oct-12 12:18:51

Say I was out with a group of people and say I didn't know one man and one woman there.

If the man made a sex joke and I found it funny I'd laugh. If I didn't I wouldn't think oh he's creepy I'd just think he's shit at telling jokes. If this said man then sexually touched me without consent that's when I would think bad of him. It would be the same for a woman too.

ISeeDeadFairies Wed 31-Oct-12 12:23:06

Your strap on is permanently attached beardy I don't think it counts! grin

Ohsiena Wed 31-Oct-12 12:28:26

Due to popular demand I caved in and started the thread http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1600895-Is-the-term-Angry-Fucking-potentially-offensive-to-some-women

Ohsiena Wed 31-Oct-12 12:29:04
PickledFanjoCat Wed 31-Oct-12 12:36:26

I thought you wanted to have a proper discussion about it, that thread is just a pure goad Ohsiena!

I though you wanted a proper debate about the whole issue around what men cant say but women can?

That is going to just turn into another bun fight.

I was being genuine about starting the thread, but thats a bit disappointing. I wont be commenting on it thats for sure.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Wed 31-Oct-12 12:39:51

I've commented. She is wanting people to agree with her view and her view alone.

She should have put beardys actual post as a quote tbh

Pseudonymity Wed 31-Oct-12 12:45:54

It's all about sex!

Pseudonymity Wed 31-Oct-12 12:47:18

Sorry, ignore my stupid comment, didn't read end of thread.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Wed 31-Oct-12 12:51:36

pseudo grin

Ohsiena Wed 31-Oct-12 13:28:20

Oh course I want people to agree with me!
But I don't imagine they will.

I thought I'd summarised quite well actually.

This thread stands as it is for people to look at, it's linked to and anyone can post breadys full quote if they feel that is an oversight.

TantrumsIsTheREALPumpkinKiller Wed 31-Oct-12 14:36:02

I cant believe I missed all of this.

I think most sensible people have said it all tbh but I would just like to add my voice to the people who have pointed out that there are people on this thread who are very deliberately goading. I cannot actually believe that beardy has been attacked for being a man.

IMO it absolutely disgusting to question the presence of male posters and to find the discussion of sex toys and the constant use of words like fuck, cunt etc perfectly fine when used by a woman but utterly unacceptable when used by a man.

Are people to now censor what words they use in case they become offensive to men?
shall we cease all conversation about things that men may be affected by?
no, of course not.

but the men on this site must not say anything that might be an issue for women.

its the most hideous double standard. It really is

if you do not like the words used, say that. But do not accept it from what you presume to be a female on an anonymous forum but jump all over a man using the same words.

That, my darling, is not feminism. Feminism is about equality not women being able to say whatever the fuck they like and men creeping around, in case they cause offence.

beardy i think you are funny. But FFS you couldnt have put a link on the sweary thread for me to see this smile

(apologies if you did, ive been doing RL stuff. I wont do it again.)

MrsBeardyDaddyman Wed 31-Oct-12 14:40:00

I have been debating whether to get involved in this discussion since it all kicked off yesterday, but as it shows no signs of tailing off (this thread seems to have quietened down now but I note that it has spawned one in FWR) I have decided to throw my two pence worth in. I am a regular poster and have been on MN for years. MNHQ can confirm this if anyone wants to check that this isn’t Beardy sockpuppeting. hmm I have had a huge amount of help and support and laughs on MN over the years. In fact if it wasn’t for MN and MNers I might not be here today. sad

Beardy registered in March this year during the F4J invasion because he was so furious with how MNers were being portrayed. He wanted his voice to be heard and he has been posting here ever since. He supported the We Believe You campaign when it was launched, and the We Believe Her campaign to support the victim of footballer Ched Evans. He feels very strongly about these issues not just because he is a decent, caring man but because I have suffered rape and violent abuse and he knows and understands how much it still affects me even now.

Yes, he has a slightly off-colour sense of humour but so do I. So do a lot of MNers. When this all blew up yesterday Beardy was genuinely sorry that his off-the-cuff turn of phrase had upset anyone and said so on the thread. He continued to chat and banter with other posters because – well, why shouldn’t he? If everyone exited threads just because they had inadvertently upset another poster there would be an awful lot of tumbleweed blowing about the boards. hmm

He has not asked me to get involved (in fact he may be slightly horrified to see that I have) but I felt that the attacks on him for making a spontaneous, if slghtly off-colour joke have been vastly disproportionate and uncalled for. Hopefully this whole misunderstanding will die a death soon and we can all carry on as usual.

ISeeDeadFairies Wed 31-Oct-12 15:57:47

Well said tantrums and mrsb ( are you sure your not MNHQ? Your very poetic wih your words????! )

MaryZcary Wed 31-Oct-12 16:07:47

<waves to MrsBeardy>

Can you just confirm a couple of things for me, that are very, very important in the context of this thread.

a) does beardy have a beard?

b) is his arse as hairy as his face?

<lowers tone of thread even further grin>

TantrumsIsTheREALPumpkinKiller Wed 31-Oct-12 16:12:28

Oh and MrsB is his google history as vile as we imagine?

MrsBeardyDaddyman Wed 31-Oct-12 16:21:19

Fairies definitely not MNHQ but thank you for the compliment! smile

<waves back at Mary>
a) yes, very much so
b) his arse isn't as hairy as his face but it's more hairy than his head grin

Tantrums I've never dared to look. <shudders>

ISeeDeadFairies Wed 31-Oct-12 16:22:16

I luff you mrsb!

MaryZcary Wed 31-Oct-12 16:23:15

Aha, I knew my vision was right

I had to hide my history and my good search again yesterday. It's getting to the stage I can't work out if my children are hiding theirs because I do it so often blush

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Wed 31-Oct-12 16:30:37

My google history went down hill due to beardy since i found fanjo cat it has been appaling. The last couple of searches been men in drag, men ith abeard in drag, hulk strap on

MaryZcary Wed 31-Oct-12 16:39:20

I learned my lesson on the Wimbledon threads, and got a bit more of an eyeful than I had intended blush

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