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to have told MIL to go fuck herself?

(242 Posts)
ellargh Sun 14-Oct-12 16:57:24

DD was very ill last night. She had been unwell for 2 days but last night her temperature spiked, she was in a lot of pain with her throat and was in and out of sleep all day. I decided to call the OOH surgery who told me to get up there at 11:30pm. We have no car and no money until next week so had to ring about for help.

My dad had had a few drinks so couldn't and my only other family that drives is my grandad who was in bed. DPI phoned soon to be MIL as she lives a few streets away and both her and FILL are teetotal. She said she didn't want to then seemed to come around and asked "Who will be going?" DP said me and she said no then he said he would go instead. I am fed up of her shit she dislikes me for no reason and has the 5 years DP and I have been together. She has a reason now though as I shouted "Oh tell her to go fuck herself then".

DD ended up at the OOH after my sister sent us in a taxi to her house then back up to the OOH to lend me £20.

DP said I could have worded it differently but it's just what he didn't have the balls to say but now DP's sister is threatening me and apparently within 12 hours it's got around his aunties and uncles who now dislike me :/

Sorry this is long but I didn't want to drip feed. MIL and I don't get on but when it comes to a favour for her 4 year old GD surely it's not fair?

nitrox Sun 14-Oct-12 16:59:57

shock Good for you!

I think you were quite right tbh..!

BackOnceAgainWithLoopyLoops Sun 14-Oct-12 17:00:43

YEs of course YABU.

StuntGirl Sun 14-Oct-12 17:00:54

She sounds pretty awful and although I'm sure you know it wasn't the best idea to shout that, given the circumstances I can understand your frustration.

I would have expected her to put her dislike for you to one side to help her granddaughter. I hope your little girl is ok.

LadySybildeChocolate Sun 14-Oct-12 17:01:01

You were very rude, sorry. You clearly have issues with one another, so you should sit down and talk about it like adults rather then like a stroppy teenager.

ddubsgirl Sun 14-Oct-12 17:01:18

im with you op she couldnt even help her gd who was ill then she doesnt deserve to have anything to do with her!

timewastingonhere Sun 14-Oct-12 17:01:38

What's your partner actually saying about it? How you handle it now depends on what you want to happen and what your partner thinks should happen?

At 11.30pm with a poorly child you have a get out card - I'm sorry/was stressed/third person to say no/bla bla

But it all depends on what you want this picture to look like in 5 days/5 months/5 years?

Importantly how is your daughter? What did ooh say?

And when is the wedding?????

Well she had it coming to her didn't she!

Your DP will have to talk to his family and tell them you were pushed by his mother's behaviour.

Shocking thwt she didn't immediately want to help her grand daughter.

wimblehorse Sun 14-Oct-12 17:05:52

Jeez, families.
She was BU to not want to help just because you were planning to accompany DD. You were BU to be so rude and not suck up her attitude for the sake of getting your ill DD seen as soon as possible.
Your DP's family sound delightful. Are you sure you want to marry in? Or do you fit in well with the threats, fights & bitching about each other?

ellargh Sun 14-Oct-12 17:08:26

We've sat down and spoken about it many times but she just refuses to tell me why and then britches about me behind my back. I've tried to be nice, invite her if we go out as a family or over for lunch but she doesn't want to. I dislike her because for all the effort I've put in she refuses to even be civil and just ignores me instead.

I did lose my rag. I'm rather fed up about it all. I've given her more ammunition for sure but I don't regret what I said as I meant it, more like I regret how I worded it.

DP knows the situation. He loves his family and doesn't like standing up to them even though they are polar opposites but agrees with me. He said I just said what he's wanted to say for a while but never could. He's not angry with me as he knows the way his parents have been with me and the unfairness between the way they treat me compared to his sister's very reserved boyfriend.

She has tonsilitis and thrush in her mouth so is on penicillin and mouth drops. She's still not well and I'm controlling her pain and temperature as best I can but it's horrible as she's just not herself at all.

The wedding is in February!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 14-Oct-12 17:08:27

YABU - it is a horrid way to speak to anyone, never mind your child's grandmother.

However YANBU to be upset that she wouldn't help, although there is obviously a lot of history between you - perhaps she feels justified in her position?

mummymeister Sun 14-Oct-12 17:09:57

sorry (waits to be flamed) but i think however stressed you were feeling telling her this and swearing was never going to end up well was it. calm yourself down, call her and tell her you were v stressed because you had a poorly child and that you didnt engage brain before opening mouth. if she doesnt take this at face value then fair enough. however, you have a long long time to be her dil and as you have a child that is her gc you need to get your relationship on a civil footing. as wimble says sort it out or this could be your life for the next 40+ years with this family.

EnglishEponine Sun 14-Oct-12 17:10:10

I don't think you were being unreasonable. Anyone who chooses to be so petty instead of instantly offering to help when their 4 year old granddaughter is poorly does indeed need to go fuck themselves. Might not be the most calm and reasoned way of expressing the emotion but I'd have reacted in exactly the same way.

GhostShip Sun 14-Oct-12 17:11:03

never mind your child's grandmother
the same grandmother who wouldn't take the child to the doctors because of some pathetic little grudge she has.

YANBU OP, stupid selfish cow of a mother in law you have. I'm glad you've got some meds for your daughter now. Hope she gets better soon x

GhostShip Sun 14-Oct-12 17:11:50

And I wouldn't be ringing her to apolgise either, as offered above. No chance.

SoleSource Sun 14-Oct-12 17:12:46

A child comes FIRST. How juts is she to put her dislike of you first unless you have done something absoluteky awful.

Please keep £20 for emergency hospital dash in a safe ace. Do not touch ot only for that. Save £1 per week in a jar. Hope your DD is well soon.

Families eh? You wete under pressure, worried abd your MIL got off lightly x

Good for you opgrin. No decent mil worth their weight in gold would deny their ill granchild a lift if they could take them!

She sounds awful

BackOnceAgainWithLoopyLoops Sun 14-Oct-12 17:13:36

And scuppered your DD's chances of a free lift...

expatinscotland Sun 14-Oct-12 17:14:10

I wish I had the nerve to tell MIL that. But we sort of have. Haven't spoken to either one of them since FIL didn't bother to show up at DD1s funeral - he was 'in agony' after a knee-replacement 4 weeks before and MIL stormed off straight afterwards because we didn't do what she wanted.

And I could spin your head with how they treated us and her the entire time she was dying of cancer.

GhostShip Sun 14-Oct-12 17:16:17

Expat thanks thats terrible I'm so sorry you had to go through that, without the support of your in laws too!

ellargh Sun 14-Oct-12 17:16:42

I don't fit in well with them at all but I can give as good as I get, no doubt. For my children's sake we just talk when we have to and DP takes them around to see them once every few weeks when I happen to be busy (their terms, they dont ask to see them). They're not fighting people either. They both work with children, lovely people when you meet them and then it all goes downhill if they take an instant dislike.

I feel like I am marrying a man who has loved me, respected me, stood up for me with his family (has said without a shadow of a doubt that his parents opinion wouldn't stop us being in love and that was 5 years ago) rather than his family. I'll continue to try with them but if it is futile, which if it wasn't before probably is now, I still have him, our children and my own family and friends.

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Sun 14-Oct-12 17:17:50

YABU. I have no car...i can't drive and money is tight. But we have an emergency 20 pounds that we can't touch..it is for occasions like this...when there's an emergency.

You can't rely on others all the time when you have a family.

I advise you to do the same....put a fiver away....next week, add another and then when you can, build it up to 20 quid. Hide it.

Narked Sun 14-Oct-12 17:18:56

So your child - her grandchild - needed to go to the emergency doctor because of illness and her response is, 'Who's going?' And you've never been off with her before but she continues to refuse to even be civil to you?

You lost your temper. I don't blame you.

thanks expat, they sound absolutely horrendous!!!
You would think at a time like that they would have been supporting youangry
People like that are very selfish and entitled that they never put anyone else before themselvessad

ellargh Sun 14-Oct-12 17:21:01

I'm so sorry, expat. I followed your story with your beautiful daughter but had no idea that was happening with all the grief you and your family were going through!

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