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to feel that most females have been the victim of some kind of sexual abuse?

(639 Posts)
SoleSource England Fri 05-Oct-12 14:46:31

AIBU?

I was very nearly raped by a taxi driver. Also my cries of NO have been ignored on a couple of occasions.

digerd Thu 11-Oct-12 21:31:02

A lot of very deluded men actually think we women love it, and when we say no we really mean yes. A few years ago, I was on holiday with a group of singles, 4 women aged 50s-85, and one man 84. I was in the lift with him once, and as I exited the lift with him behind me, I was startled, but bemused, when he pinched my bottom !! I was not offended, but the next year, a very attractive man in his 50s, was in the lift with me and a lady friend, and as he got out before us, he placed an arm round our waists and gave us a peck on the cheek, but with me, the younger, he slid his hand down to one buttock and squeezed it. I was horrified and humiliated as his intentions were very clear, and he actually thought I was up for it. I was also upset to think I had given him that impression.
When I was a young teenager 15-17, the dirty old men brigade were drawn like a magnet to me, exposing was the thing in those days, and the touching and subtle rubbing of their knees against mine on public transport. Although, once I had knitted myself a tight dress and was standing on the underground escalator, when a man came running up the side of me and stopped just to whisper in my ear what a lovely little bum I had, and then moved on. I was quite flattered. No touching !!!!!!

lazydays2 Thu 11-Oct-12 21:49:27

YANBU.

I suspect in the 70's and early 80's abuse was very prevalent, but genuinely not considered as abuse by the perpetrators. I was abused on a number of occassions by two seperate men. At the time I knew i didn't like what they did/made me do but I was too young to know what was actually going on.
I'm nothing special, I suspect lots of girls had the same experiances.

mirry2 Thu 11-Oct-12 21:55:47

Digard your experiences were siilar to mne. Men were always rubbing themselves against me especially on buses. There was on guy who nearly always got on the same bus and took up all the space on the seat, with his thighs rubbing against mine, legs as wide as they could go as I shrank further and further into my seat. I dreaded it every time I saw him getting on the bus. One day I plucked up the courage and said in a loud voice.' Please could you remove your leg from mine'. He immediately got up and bent ove me shouting 'you filthy slag, lesbian, whore' and then left the bus. I looked round at the others on the bus. Nobody met my eye or said a word. I had to get off at the next stop and was really worried that he would be there. Luckily he wasn't and I don't remeber ever seeing him again. I now wonder if he used to deliberately waited for me. But maybe I'm being paranoid.

justoutsidenormalrange Sat 13-Oct-12 01:46:51

YANBU. Reading through this and comparing notes, the 'minor' unwanted incidents seem very nearly universal. So common, that we all seem to have strategies for ignoring them at the time and blanking them out later.

The pervy teacher comments, the skirt lifting, the flashers, the groping in Saturday jobs, the boyfriend who pushes the boundaries much too far, the excessive advances from someone else's partner, the necessary avoidance of some changing or shower rooms. The painful 2am sex when ill or post-natal. Are people really totally exempt? or completely un-bothered by these? Or just well-adjusted to the reality, and reluctant to let such behaviour spoil their lives.

Thats not even counting those who haven't been fortunate enough to escape major assault, incest, child abuse or rape, or the second-hand impact of such events on the other women (friends, sisters, daughters) who know or sense that its happened. And the consequences, the disabling effects of the psychological damage which then cause other problems in relationships etc.

The comments about the prolific nasty types causing most of the abuse sound sort of true, as does the suggestion that the beta-males are possibly unaware because of a lifetime spent avoiding those individuals. I hope so, anyway sad

TrudiRed Sat 13-Oct-12 11:03:38

I can honestly say I have never received any unwanted sexual attention from anyone. Clearly I am very lucky. I am shocked and upset by some of your stories

TheOriginalLadyFT Thu 08-Nov-12 20:27:27

This thread is both shocking and unsurprising - and it makes me see that most women, myself included, simply accept abuse as part and parcel of our lives

Along with the usual being pressed against/groped on buses, trains, in nightclubs etc, I've had a man who, at the time, was nearly three times my age chase me round a workplace where I was on a gap year and try and grope/kiss me, had a long term boyfriend coerce me regularly into sex after having verbally abused me, had a man come into my room in a house I was sharing and remove his pants and try to get into bed with me, had a much older and powerful work colleague offer to "progress" my career if I slept with him, had a CEO of a large organisation pat my bum and call me cute when I was the senior exec at another large organisation. The list goes on, and does not include the times I've been called a bitch, whore or cunt by a male stranger when I've asked them (politely or otherwise) to desist in unwanted behaviour

I haven't read all the thread as I'm getting upset for everyone. Will finish another day. I have been kissed when I didn't want to be, groped in clubs. I was with an abusive guy when I was 19 and there was something sexual which I said I Never wanted him to do, he told me one day that when I was asleep that he had done it to me. I don't know if he was lying just to get a reaction or if he actually did it.
My friend was abused by her brother. My mum was abused by her dad and I think he forced himself on m nan too. I hate this world.

Just remembered a boyfriend when I was 17/18 assuming we would have sex. I really didn't want to as we hadn't been going out long and had to make excuses. FFS why did I have to make excuses? No should've been enough. I'd forgotten that.

amarylisnightandday Thu 08-Nov-12 22:51:52

Yanbu. Date rape. Sexual harassment at work. Sexual abuwe within a relationship.

servingwench Thu 08-Nov-12 22:54:24

OMG...you really aren't BU and I would never have realised.
I was 16 and a old pervert Dr made me take off all my clothes from the waist up to listen to my chest...still makes me shudder.
Also recall being with a man in my 20's...I said no, he carried on...

Going back 15 years....I'm very sure my drink was spiked. I remember coming to very suddenly in the back of a nightclub to find myself being groped by a naked man. I said I was leaving and although he tried to persuade me to stay he didn't physically stop me. I guess I'll never know 100

...posted before finishing...I'll never know 100% what happened but I'm certain I wasn't raped or seriously assaulted. It was only in the weeks afterwards I started it have wtf was that thoughts. I have no memory of anything in between accepting a drink and then being in a different room with the naked man.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Thu 08-Nov-12 23:07:31

Yep and only one of my friends haven't.
It's incredibly sad, I wonder if its always been this way?

pamish Thu 08-Nov-12 23:13:03

There are only two answers to this - 'Yes' and 'I don't know' - as you can't recall what happened when young.

The next question has to be - Why?

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