to feel that most females have been the victim of some kind of sexual abuse?

(639 Posts)
SoleSource Fri 05-Oct-12 14:46:31

AIBU?

I was very nearly raped by a taxi driver. Also my cries of NO have been ignored on a couple of occasions.

WorraLiberty Fri 05-Oct-12 15:36:42

I've never experienced sexual abuse either.

I was flashed at when I was about 19. It didn't bother me or my mate - we just reported the filthy git's number plate to the police and went on with our evening.

Thankfuly I've never experienced it but I do think its fairly common. A couple of friends have had persistent unwanted attention which probably wouldn't be enough to be considered harassment but certainly made them uncomfortable and changed how they felt about being in certain situations.

squoosh Fri 05-Oct-12 15:36:56

I have never been the victim of sexual abuse. I would question that 'most females' have been. A lot have, too many have, but most?

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Fri 05-Oct-12 15:37:42

YANBU

I'm glad to hear that some women haven't been though smile

MonaLotte Fri 05-Oct-12 15:37:42

That's ok it's just orrible to even imagine I would certainly have complained if I had seen it. I agree there is no need to show it on the news.

SoleSource Fri 05-Oct-12 15:39:40

Sorry just just came to me again and it was years ago! I felt my innocence was abused by them showing it sad

eurochick Fri 05-Oct-12 15:40:15

I've been flashed at a couple of times.

I have been groped on the street by a stranger (v. frightening - he grabbed me from behind between the legs on a dark morning while I was waiting at a bus stop).

I've had sechs with someone I went out with before I went ready because he pushed me into to (I went out with him for a while afterwards to "legitimise" it in my head).

SoleSource Fri 05-Oct-12 15:40:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spoonsspoonsspoons Fri 05-Oct-12 15:41:03

Obviously i can only assume my friends are telling the truth but my experience is not unusual amongst my close friends.

I think it depends what people think of as sexual assault. A couple of people on here might have in someone else's eyes but not their own. Flashers, groping without prior consent, someone trying their luck without clear signs that it is OK... they could all be considered sexual assault. There was a study where the researchers asked a lot of questions about sex and rape to married women. 1% of the women said they had been raped by their husbands, the researchers applied legal and objective standards to what they said about sex and found that 12% could be said to have been raped. This is one of the reasons we have to work on rape myths with men and women.

TrustNobody Fri 05-Oct-12 15:43:31

YANBU

Brother was the first. Sickening abuse that stopped short of full sex.
Stepfather that wanted 'proper kisses'
Bosses that felt me up when I was on YTS scheme
Ex-h who didn't understand no meant no

I'll never let another man back in my life. Ever.

sad sad sad

CailinDana Fri 05-Oct-12 15:44:58

I would count flashing and momentary groping as unwanted sexual experience. Not to say that these things are necessarily traumatic, but what I wonder is, if there were so insignificant, why do you still remember them?

VeritableSmorgasbord Fri 05-Oct-12 15:45:20

I'm counting unwanted groping as sexual abuse. Because it is.
Being coerced into sex as a teenager? Ditto.

MerylStrop Fri 05-Oct-12 15:45:31

YANBU

I've been (relatively) lucky.

But I know countless friends who were co-erced into sex with older men when they were underage, or who have kept silent about rape or other abuse.

It is a very sad situation.

We need to get to a point where women do not brush off "minor gropings" as almost acceptable (as I am now ashamed to admit I did several times in my younger days)

CailinDana Fri 05-Oct-12 15:46:47

Trust that was hard to read. I really feel for you, that is so much to go through.

If you ever want to talk about any of it, you can here on MN.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Fri 05-Oct-12 15:47:42

'YANBU. The female who has not had her sexual boundaries crossed in some way doesn't exist IMO'

If this is true, what does it say about men? Whenever we have this type of thread it fills up really quickly with loads and loads of poster having been abused or assaulted in some way. Are we all talking about the same men, or are almost all men abusers?!

Tressy Fri 05-Oct-12 15:47:42

A male boss used to slap our backsides on our way to the photo copier and fondle our necks when talking to us about work. It was really creepy, but being in our first job and it being the 70's nobody thought anything of it. Horrible to think about it now.

Asleep in a shared house I was woken by who I thought was my boyfriend caressing me intimiately, but no it was a virtual stranger from the room upstairs, this sort of thing happened to me a few times.

WorraLiberty Fri 05-Oct-12 15:47:53

but what I wonder is, if there were so insignificant, why do you still remember them?

I can still remember lines I was given to learn in school assembly when I was 7yrs old...and other totally random things like the name of my Aunt's gerbil.

I don't see an old guy waving his todger from a car window as a sexual experience at all.

WorraLiberty Fri 05-Oct-12 15:48:48

Sorry, I meant I don't see it as a sexual experience for me personally

I'm not commenting on anyone else's experience.

SoleSource Fri 05-Oct-12 15:49:33

Trust, have you ever felt the urge to talk to a professional therapist.

Nothing you did encouraged this. It WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

None of it.

OneHandFlapping Fri 05-Oct-12 15:49:53

Well I still remember the groping because at the same time he made some remark about my legs being too fat for the short skirt I was wearing. Of course I should have told him where to go, but that socialisation thing about being placatory to men kicked in, and I was schtum.

GoatsHaveStrangeEyes Fri 05-Oct-12 15:50:19

YANBU.

when I was 13 I had an older boyfriend who pinned me down with his knees on my arms and then wanked and ejaculated in my face. I still had my school uniform on. Never told anybody either.

picmaestress Fri 05-Oct-12 15:51:43

I don't know if it's 'most', but from my own and my friend's experience it's possibly over half. There is definitely a problem that MrsTerry referred to, which is most of us just don't think that much of it. I do think times have changed dramatically, and that it's more acceptable to have a voice.

Poor you, TrustNobody. I'm sorry you've been through all of that. sad

spoonsspoonsspoons Fri 05-Oct-12 15:52:11

I remember lots of one off events, just because it's a memory doesn't mean it has any significance. But in my mind nakedness does not equal sexual. My biggest quandry was whether to report it as I had a train to catch. If someone else wants to consider an episode where they are flashed as sexual assault that's fine, I don't feel this episode was anything of the sort.

I'm not sure that insisting others have experienced sexual assault when they don't agree helps the cause.

CailinDana Fri 05-Oct-12 15:52:24

Sorry Worra, I put it the wrong way, what I meant was your sexual boundaries were crossed without your permission. It didn't bother you particularly but I'm sure you didn't want it to happen. I'm not saying it has to mean anything, because it was just something that happened, but what I'm saying is that when you opened a thread about sexual abuse, it came to mind, which means it does have some significance in the sense that you categorise it in that way.

Holy - I don't think all men are abusers, not even close. I do think abusive men abuse many many women and that even among "normal" men there is a certain sense of entitlement when it comes to sexual matters that can mean they do things that they don't necessarily consider abusive but that affect the woman greatly. My ex raped me, but reckoned he did nothing wrong. He was a perfectly normal guy who was 100% nice to me otherwise.

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