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AIBU?

To Think This Woman Deserves All She Gets?

57 replies

judgeyoldtrout · 18/04/2011 15:05

In a way, at least.

Someone I know has been having an affair with her boss at work, a married man, for 9 years. She is single, having left her DH (apparently) a short while prior to the affair beginning and has two DC aged 13 and 17.

The married man has been spending 3 nights a week, plus some weekends with this woman, who has aksed him to leave his wife numerous times, with the excuse usually that he couldn't because of his DC. They havbe split numerous times when he refused to leave and always started the affair again after a short period.

Last year his wife found out and rang his 'other womans' house calling her names. He ended it, then again they started seeing each other soon after. He then moved in with the other woman a few weeks ago, saying after almost a week he needed to go and sort something out at 'home' and would be back later. He never came back, only ringing later to say that he wouldn't be coming back, was in the car with his wife (on speakerphone) and as his DC (now almost grown up) now knew about the affair and wouldn't speak to him, him and his wife were going on holiday for a week and he wouldn't be back at work as he was leaving the company.

A week later, the bigger boss came in to work and told the 'other woman' that her boss would not be leaving and this made things very difficult at work now. She is worried she may lose her job.

I don't see how they can force her to leave and I do feel somewhat sorry for her, but a part of me really believes she's only reaping what she's sown. Her DC, particularly the younger one have built relationships with this man and she has allowed him to play a huge part in their lives. They always knew he was married, but they are obviously upset by all this.

OP posts:

Report

knittedbreast · 18/04/2011 15:07

no she dousnt deserve all she gets. you dont know the ins and outs or even how they felt about each other. how do you know he wasnt guilt tripped into his staying with his wife for the sake of his children?

he was with her for 9 years, thats quite a commitment

TheOriginalFAB · 18/04/2011 15:08

YABU. She was single.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/04/2011 15:10

I don't know if this woman is a 'friend' of yours, OP, but try to contain your glee, won't you.

EGGceptionalbeEGGleeyes · 18/04/2011 15:12

He was choosing to have his cake and eat it, and stringing both women along.
I think both women are fools to put up with it and should both dump him tbh.

GiddyPickle · 18/04/2011 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 18/04/2011 15:15

She knew he was married when they met, no sympathy.

FollowMe · 18/04/2011 15:15

HE cheated on his wife over a long time period, now HE has done the dirty on the woman in the office and messed her about, is making her life hell at work by keep changing her mind and you think SHE deserves everything she gets?

What about the twat who actually did the cheating??

VajazzHands · 18/04/2011 15:15

I don't think she will get sacked unless the guy does if they have a company policy about people dating.

But yeah she deserves everything she gets. Unfortunately the guy doesn't seem to be getting everything he deserves which is a hell of a lot of grief and a divorce.

Megatron · 18/04/2011 15:17

You seem to know an awful lot about what happened and when if it's just 'someone you know'.

laInfanta · 18/04/2011 15:18

Would be very risky legally to fire her.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 18/04/2011 15:18

What business is it of yours, OP?

GiddyPickle · 18/04/2011 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catchmeifyoucan · 18/04/2011 15:21

Hmmmm, yes OP I don't think they have grounds to fire you but I'd leave anyway if I were you and at least try to pick up the shreds of your dignity on the way out. That's all.

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/04/2011 15:21

The OP is the adulterous man's PA who has been secretly in love with him for years, and she has had to suffer the ignominy of being ignored.

She has waited for the mistress to get her comeupance for years.

Now Doris, he may turn his loving gaze on you.

If the mistress has any sense she will log everything because the employers may bully her out.

I don't give a fuck about the rest of the mills and boon shite.

aliceliddell · 18/04/2011 15:22

Eggs & Follow: you're right, he's a git

ENormaSnob · 18/04/2011 15:24

No sympathy from me.

knittedbreast · 18/04/2011 15:26

your post was hugely judgy, im just trying to get you to see it from another perspective. plenty of people dont split up when they are unhappy due to thier children. 9 years is a long time to be with someone what could jeopordise your home life. sound slike he dousnt love his wife and is stuck, if things were all good at home he wouldnt be cheating at all.

men arent guilt tripped into staying? really? hmm. i doubt that. men and women are guilt tripped into all sorts of things all the time!

RogerMelly · 18/04/2011 15:27

he is the one in the wrong surely? and his wife sounds like a right sap

edam · 18/04/2011 15:27

Getorf

OP, looks as if this is a very unhappy situation for all concerned. Not something to crow about.

Megatron · 18/04/2011 15:28

I don't agree with the 'if things were good at home he wouldn't be cheating' line at all. Some people will cheat whether things are good at home or not, especially if it's offered to them on a plate. Some people really do believe they can have their cake and eat it.

Get0rfMoiLand · 18/04/2011 15:28

She is bitter because she has had to buy Elizabeth Duke pendants for the wife and mistress these last 9 years.

Megatron · 18/04/2011 15:30

Yes HE is in the wrong. But it doesn't make a woman who knows someone is married lily white either just because they are the single one. It kind of absolves her of any responsibility in the whole set up.

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DontGoCurly · 18/04/2011 15:32

The woman in question must have been incredibly naive to believe it would go somehwhere when he hadn't left the woman after 9 years!

I don't believe anyone can string someone else along. She let him string her along more like!

HerHissyness · 18/04/2011 15:37

Karma's a bitch at times isn't it?

But genuinely? Who cares?

Move on.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 18/04/2011 15:42

I have no sympathy at all for her.

However, I am mad as hell that HE was the bastard that cheated on his wife and yet - as fucking ALWAYS - it's the 'other woman' that is hung out to dry.

Yes, you have to be a real piece of work to hook up with a married man.

But a married man has to be a total and complete SHIT to betray his wife.

Yet of the two, who gets it?

The woman.

Oh, because nothing is the poor little man's fault, is it?

between his wife who doesn't understand him and his mistress who threw herself at him and made him screw her, he is the innocent victim.

I am so sick of that shit.

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