I weight 15st 7 - Big self indulgent monologue about how fat I am :(

(177 Posts)
BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 01-Sep-16 11:57:49

I weigh 15 stone 7 which I'm pretty sure is my heaviest ever sad (I am not a religious weigher and only bought scales in November).

I have been trying to lose weight for at least 10 years, since I was 16, and I'm just down in the dumps today because I don't understand what is going wrong. I tried wearing jeans today (size 16) but they were just too tight and uncomfortable and I couldn't play with the baby.

I always have eaten well and exercised (since living away from home age 18), so in November I joined Slimming World as nothing was really working. First time I'd ever done a diet plan thing. I lost 8lb in the 6 weeks to Christmas, put 4lb on over Christmas, then was completely on plan through January and didn't lose an ounce. Gave up in February, so lost 4lb overall over 3 months on SW.

Then in March I was given the OK to exercise again after having had DS in May '15. So I joined the gym and got a personal trainer. She is awesome and I love her. She did my body stats using this machine thing. She's getting back from the summer holidays on 12th September so really looking forward to that and will ask her to do my stats again to see if anything has changed for the better. She coaches me on my food as well as my exercise which is really great. She agrees I already eat well.

A few months back I decided that maybe a challenge/deadline would help, so I said I would lose 34lb in 34 weeks (should be perfectly doable if doing a SW type plan), as we had a holiday 34 weeks away. After a few weeks of no losses that fell by the wayside.

I've been going to the gym 4-5x a week and on the days I don't I'm still busy running around after my toddler, walking to park etc. I always get in more than 10k steps a day, always eat a lot less than my TDEE, always burn what MFP says I should. My Fitbit syncs to my MFP and they both say I'm doing well.

Anyway our holiday is coming up in November '16 and I'm just blue because when I started SW back in November '15 I thought in a years time I would look and feel a whole lot better. But if anything it's worse, I've put 5lb on since I started SW. It's just the same year in year out, but a bit worse each year. If I keep going like this then in 10 years I will be in a terrible state.

The only time I've ever lost weight was for my wedding. I ate a normal breakfast, half a grilled chicken breast with peas and sweet corn for lunch, and a normal homemade dinner as far as I remember, off a side plate. I didn't do much more exercise than I do now. I was still a size 16, barely a 14, but felt good. That was the only phase I've ever experienced a loose waist band and wow, that feels nice doesn't it!

I just don't think I'm trying hard enough. I need more ideas of what to try. I've read a food addiction book and CBT-related book which was really good. I've taken up mindfulness to ensure I don't mindlessly binge, which I didn't really do much ever. I have PT-approved cereal for breakfast, salad or occasionally homemade soup for lunch, and a normal homemade dinner. No snacks generally, but also I do want to live my life and go out for coffee with friends sometimes and not always say no when a biscuit is offered. I drink shitloads of water and have always just eaten clean, natural, unprocessed, healthy foods (except for the SW stint, but even that is quite wholesome I think).

My PT says it doesn't matter what the scale says, I know I am perfectly healthy and I'm strong, but it DOES matter. I want another baby next year and if I'm 15 stone surely they'll put me under consultant care due to high BMI. I would be so embarrassed and ashamed (not saying anyone else in that situation should be). I'm surprised they didn't when I was pregnant with DS (13+ stone and BMI of 33, so obese).

I'm just feeling blue and a bit fragile today, and I am going out for dinner with some new friends tonight and am worried because they're both so slim and I'm just a lump. DH says I was bigger than I am now when we met 9 years ago, but I have certainly never weighed more than this.

Off to put the baby down for a nap and do a fitnessblender workout - can't go to the gym/Creche this week as DS has hand, foot and mouth.

Well done if you got this far. Thanks. Don't know what I'm asking really. PT is back in a week or so but in the interim I just need some support I guess.

BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 01-Sep-16 12:04:00

Horrific pictures for my own shock factor, maybe they will burn onto my brain and give me a kick up the arse.

OnTheWings Thu 01-Sep-16 14:25:26

No advice or wise words, but a hand hold from someone in a similar position. I topped the scales at 14 stone after a recent holiday <boak> and I'm now a stone down. I'm doing Cambridge which is controversial and absolutely not for everybody, but it works for me and I've never felt better.

I couldn't do any of my size sixteen jeans up (I'm five foot six) and I had lumps and bumps everywhere. I felt like utter shite.

Your shape is very similar to mine - I carry my weight around my middle. I find that it makes finding nice clothes difficult.

Your diet sounds healthy...have you logged your calories using MFP before?

flowers

I've just read Michael Moseley's "The Blood Sugar Diet", which is mainly about fixing T2 diabetes, but the weight loss stuff is really interesting. If calorie counting isn't working for you for whatever reason, maybe a meal replacement diet or 5:2 or low carb would work better?

BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 01-Sep-16 15:07:23

Yes I have been using MFP for about 5 years. I'm 5'6 too! Thanks for replying!

I have tried 5:2 before for a spell, after watching MM's documentary, and I remember it being fine so maybe I should give that another good proper go. I know my PT will say a big N-O! though. There is so much conflicting advice!!

BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 01-Sep-16 15:25:16

Thing is I don't want to do a specific eating plan only for me to put it all back on when I stop.

OnTheWings Thu 01-Sep-16 15:28:38

I totally get that. It's fucking frustrating.

BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 01-Sep-16 15:47:06

I am at the playground at the moment and all the mums are slim and with friends! I am fat and have no friends 😂 I know there's no correlation but I can't help but see one.

JamieVardysParty Thu 01-Sep-16 16:22:03

When you have been calorie counting, have you been weighing your food?

BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 01-Sep-16 16:46:02

Yes I did for the first couple of years but more recently just eyeball it so most likely I'm a big off now! Will start weighing again. I should just be able to lose weight by eating wholesome food, not too much (weighing/counting) and exercising, right? Genuine question.

BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 01-Sep-16 16:46:20

*most likely

JamieVardysParty Thu 01-Sep-16 16:54:33

That's whats been working for me. Gone from 79.5kg to 72.8kg (a 15lbs loss) over the last few months - I went from 79.5kg to 75.6kg from just weighing/counting slowly over a few months and wanted to make sure I could keep it off. The last 2.8kg have gone pretty quickly in the past three weeks as I have boosted my movement/exercise.

I'm also doing lots of weights so in terms of measurements, I actually look smaller overall. I try to look at my calories weekly, so as long as I am around 9-9.5k a week (works out around 1300-1350 a day) I am losing consistently.

I've not actively been low carbing but that's how it's worked out just through trying to get as much decent food for my calories. I have to admit, I've had McDonalds three times, pizza, cake, fancy 3 course meal all in the past 3 weeks and still lost nearly 3kg without feeling deprived.

BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 01-Sep-16 17:17:02

Well done you smile I've never been under 80kg, good for you. I think I will have everything off a side plate (already do cereal bowls for everything) and weigh everything as a 'starting' point.

BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 01-Sep-16 18:20:32

When I had my body stats taken, my visceral fat (fat coating the organs) was well within the healthy range, so that's a good start I guess.

Keepingupwiththejonesys Thu 01-Sep-16 18:36:44

Exercise is fantastic and will help aid weight loss but its not the thing that is really important. Calorie deficit is the thing that matters. If you are eating 1500-1700 calories a day at your weight and height you will lose weight. You need to measure everything, yes its annoying but you will more than likely have to much if you don't measure. I'm also 5" 6 and I went right up to 17stone at full term with my second daughter (age 22months) I lost about 2 stone straight after having her but then gained some back. Around march last year I decided enough was enough and started logging every morsal I ate on mfp. I ate 1500 a day 6 days a week and 2000 on my treat day I got right down to 12stone 1lb in 12 months and that was with a few slip ups. I put a little weight on over april and I'm now 18weeks with my 3rd and still log but have a higher allowance set by my midwife. I've so far gained 6lb, 2 lb of that being from last week alone as I had a bad week.

Do you log your exercise on mfp? I stopped doing that. When you log exercise you get more calories to eat which I don't think is needed. I stopped logging the exercise but still did it and kept my 1500 calorie allowance. Treating after exercise is a bad habit to get into.

Hope this helps you and good luck. I will be back on the weight loss wagon when baby is born as my goal is 10st10lb which is 6lb lower than the higher end for a healthy bmi at 5" 6. I'm confident I'll be there by Christmas next year as baby is due 3rd of Feb. I'm now weighing 12st12lb and my aim is to stay under 14st this pregnancy which is more than doable x

BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 01-Sep-16 19:15:53

* If you are eating 1500-1700 calories a day at your weight and height you will lose weight*

Hand on heart, I have been doing that for the past year. My MFP is set to 1500. I've had 787 calories today, but just off to dinner with some new friends so realistically I will go over. I'm going to make healthy choices though. But I have no social life, I honestly can't remember my last night out, so I'm usually just at home dieting 😂 So it's not representative.
Definitely getting back into the weighing and keeping up with the small portions. Thanks very much for your advice and well done on your weight loss! I can't imagine being 10st10! And yay for baby 3 grinflowers

Thissameearth Thu 01-Sep-16 19:20:44

I'm 5 ft 6 and weigh 10 stone 3. I needed to go down to 1200 cals to lose weight (or not eat back the exercise calories I tracked on MFP)

pullingmyhairout1 Thu 01-Sep-16 19:27:44

I promise you you can do it. I weighed 16st at the beginning of last year. By September I was 8st 7lb. It was bloody hard work, and probably spurred on by a divorce. It did take me 14 years to pluck up the courage but I did it, and trust me I was the least motivated person you could wish to meet.

Keepingupwiththejonesys Thu 01-Sep-16 19:43:16

Thank you. You sound really lovely and just a bit down in the dumps with it which I can soo understand. I did drop my allowance to around 1300 once I was past the 13st point as it wasn't really budging otherwise. I don't do a lot of high impact exercise but walk around 2-3 hours most days and when I wasn't pregnant did stair runs. I'd just run up and downstairs for a solid ten minutes and believe me you work up a sweat! My diet was very low carb but not without them. I'd normally have either fruit and yogurt, two boiled eggs with mushrooms and plum tomatoes or porridge for breakfast, homemade soup or a salad for dinner and then my evening meal was always under 600 calories. I'd have fruit or something like rice cakes as snacks between. X

Keepingupwiththejonesys Thu 01-Sep-16 19:44:37

I can't say enough though how important it is to not be tempted to eat back the calories you "earn" from exercise. I found it completely stopped my weight loss x

Littleelffriend Thu 01-Sep-16 19:48:03

Just to say, you definitely don't look what I would call fat. I'm a size ten just in case you thought I was lots heavier than you. You have a lovely shape x

HermioneWeasley Thu 01-Sep-16 19:48:16

You don't look 15 stone+ unless you're 8' tall? I'd have guess maybe 12 from the photos. How reliable are your scales? I'm 5,5" and at 12 stone I'm a borderline size 16 on the bottom. I'd be really surprised if 15 stone was a big size 16.

The reality is that for a healthy person if you eat less and move around more you will lose weight.

Is there anything else going on? Are you stressed, on medication, not sleeping properly?

JamieVardysParty Thu 01-Sep-16 20:05:57

Ok so your BMR is estimated at just under 1700 calories. This is what your body would burn in energy if you were comatose and couldn't get out of bed.

Your TDEE is 2035 calories per day. This is your BMR plus an estimate of energy burned through a sedentary lifestyle.

I think you have a good plan coming together. 1500 calories per day, weighed, measured, double checked portion and nutritional information on the packaging etc will give you a daily calorie deficit of 500. This should give you a weekly loss of 1lb. As a PP mentioned, try to just stick to 1500 and not be tempted to eat back your calories.

What really helped for me was DH being on side and meal planning. We get home from work at 6pm, go straight to the gym and I am starving by the time we're done. Knowing I have food planned, ready to shove in the oven/microwave and I can be eating it in 15 mins stops me going to Maccies drive thru!

Aside from the moral support, can the collective wisdom help with anything specific? IE meal plans, ideas of what people eat day to day, exercise ideas, time saving ideas etc.

1frenchfoodie Thu 01-Sep-16 20:06:22

That must be so frustrating Bendy, nothing particularly new to add, just agree that portion sizes and hidden calories are worth a look at. If you are eating the recommendeddaily amount of calories (or less) and exercising you should be losing weight.

Agree too that you do not look 15+ stone in your pic, even at 5'6.

Blerg Thu 01-Sep-16 20:18:10

If calorie counting doesn't work for you, and it didn't ever for me, lower carb approaches might. The Primal Blueprint is a fairly moderate, well explained approach. Google Mark's Daily Apple. There is an MN low carb boot camp too, but I've not done it.

I eat semi paleo and attend Overeaters Anonymous, the latter because I had an issue with binging. You don't mention anything like that, but I wanted to be clear on where in coming from.

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