Please talk to me about your secret wedding.

(80 Posts)
gaggiagirl Sun 03-Jul-16 19:35:51

I'll be as brief as possible.
DP and me are shy, introverted, unsociable 😀 private people.
I am very pregnant with our third DC.
We want to be married. We don't want a big fuss made. We are cringing at the thought of getting married in front of anyone people.
So we've booked a week day morning register office ceremony for just us two and two.witnesses.

If I tell my parents I know for a fact thatI.would hear the following..... .
You have to invite xxxxx
You have to have a party
You can't wear that
You have to tell xxxxxx
They just wouldn't respect our wishes for a private, zero fuss legal whatnot.

I confided in my sister. My sister said.....
You can't get married like that.
Why not ask xxxxxx to pay for it so you can have a bigger do.
You have to have a cake.
You have to have...etc etc.

Urgh. Just talk to me about it. I really don't want to upset anyone. I just want my wedding my own way.

wobblywonderwoman Sun 03-Jul-16 19:39:11

Totally do it! Say nothing (though are you sure it won't result in a major fallout with your parents)

Somerville Sun 03-Jul-16 19:41:49

It's the marriage that matters. Not the wedding.

Do it the way that suits the two of you.

WhizzPopper Sun 03-Jul-16 19:42:02

My sister went to Gretna with just both sets of parents. We all knew about it so not secret but very small. They had no party afterwards or anything.

Paddingtonthebear Sun 03-Jul-16 19:43:01

Do it! We only had two witnesses and a register office ceremony which took about 8 mins. Went to the pub for lunch afterwards. Was perfect. Told close family just beforehand, with mixed results. If I was doing it again I wouldn't tell anyone until afterwards. Fell out with inlaws for a while but one of the main reasons we didn't want a "normal" wedding was because our families are quite difficult people and we couldn't face a day of it!

AugustRose Sun 03-Jul-16 19:47:45

Do it as you please, someone will always be upset but in the long run it doesn't matter.

DH and I did it exactly like you. After our last baby was born (after a bad two years) I decided the time was right. When we had him registered we asked if a certain date was free - 3 weeks later. We didn't tell any of our family and only told DC on the morning we got married as they weren't going to school, asked two friends to be witnesses and went to the pub for lunch afterwards.

My DM was upset but nobody else was bothered. I have a large family who don't live close by and the thought of organising a 'proper' wedding gave me a headache, I don't regret it one bit.

RumAppleGinger Sun 03-Jul-16 19:48:22

Do it, tell your family after.

DH and I got married in Mexico and although people knew we were getting married we made it clear we were going away just to two of us and no one was invited. Had the perfect day (for us) and saved a fortune. Given the choice to do it over I wouldn't change a thing.

MachiKoro Sun 03-Jul-16 19:50:54

We did this; I just could not stand being centre of attention, people staring at me all day.
It was a lovely, low key day. Our marriage is about the marriage, not the wedding!

trafalgargal Sun 03-Jul-16 19:54:49

After three kids won't they just be pleased you are "legal" as your parents they probably know better than anyone that big do's aren't for you.

PuraVida Sun 03-Jul-16 19:56:29

We concocted a convoluted story, arranged to meet both sets of parents unbeknown to the other ostensibly for lunch. Met them in the local carpark to walk to the pub via the registry office. Stopped outside. Did awkward giggling and 'errr we're getting married". It was v funny and MIL was wearing a fleece for which she's never forgiven us. Perfect. Then we really did go to the pub for lunch.

PuraVida Sun 03-Jul-16 19:58:17

Oh and the morning before we posted cards out to our nearest and dearest saying that knowing us as they did we knew they'd understand why we'd quietly gone and got married.

EasternDailyStress Sun 03-Jul-16 20:05:29

We planned a couple of nights away Thurs and Fri, got married with an old friend and his wife as witnesses on the Thursday morning. They were sworn to secrecy and we didn't tell anyone ( not even the DCs) until the Saturday. Think my parents were a bit disappointed but this was 2nd time round for me so they understood. Had a garden party for close friends etc a few weeks later.

The two days we had when no one knew were very special, and I know we did completely the right thing.

Good luck!

gaggiagirl Sun 03-Jul-16 20:14:44

Thank you everyone! Lovely stories.
My work friends and Dps family all know and they totally get it and understand what we are like.
My dad wouldn't be too upset, I'm more worried perhaps scared of my mam. She would I think be pretty awful and bombard me with texts of what a selfish bell end I am.
I would love to tell her beforehand if only I could trust her to not interfere.
We are doing it in 5 weeks, we wanted at least one baby born in wedlock 😉

Couchpotato3 Sun 03-Jul-16 20:19:18

Sounds like your Mum would make trouble for you either way - whether she was involved in the wedding or not. For that reason, if no other, I'd go ahead and do what you want - at least you will get the wedding you have planned, and not what someone else thinks you should have. Good luck!

gaggiagirl Sun 03-Jul-16 20:32:43

Thank you that's very good advice. You are right couch if I tell her before she might show up in hysterics or do that texting thing she does in the run up too it.

Hidingtonothing Sun 03-Jul-16 20:38:04

We did it, mid week register office, just us and two nice ladies from work as witnesses (me and DH worked at the same place) who we were friendly but not close with iyswim. It was lovely, pub lunch after and then home to snuggle up on the sofa. We told the parents just beforehand (too close to the event for them to make it) and, although they were disappointed, I think they understood our reasons. I wouldn't have done it any differently (even with over 10 years hindsight now) and would've hated the whole centre of attention thing, we just wanted to be married. Do whatever makes you and DP happy, that's what's important flowers

ALemonyPea Sun 03-Jul-16 20:41:57

I had a secret wedding. I had a huge wedding booked, dress bought, and then my parents decided to get divorced and refused to be in the same room together, so I cancelled it all.

I then booked the next registry office date available, which was three weeks, asked my friend to be my witness (who then decided to get married at the same time to her then partner) and we went and got married. I wore a suit from Primark.

We then went for something nice to eat, to a few bars and then went and told our parents. My mam slapped me across the face and said it would never last. We've been married 15 years now.

Do it Op, you'll not regret it.

April229 Sun 03-Jul-16 20:48:46

Maybe go on holiday somewhere and get married, come back tell everyone that it was spur of the moment, caught up in the romance and just did it - make your sister promise not to tell anyone you had been thinking of it before putting left.

gaggiagirl Sun 03-Jul-16 21:04:58

lemony your mam smacked you! Whaaaaaaaaaaaat! That's awful. I hope she's sorry now.
I re booked the ceremony after I spoke to my sister because she told me she wouldn't lie to our mam.

I'm going to wear H&M maternity jeans and vest and a blush blazer. £50 the lot!

ALemonyPea Sun 03-Jul-16 21:15:55

Yeah she did later apologise. She was having an awful time, so I don't think it helped, didn't ruin my day anyway.

Lindt70Percent Sun 03-Jul-16 21:20:21

Not a secret wedding but we got married abroad without any guests. We wanted to get married but really didn't want a wedding. Fortunately no one minded so we didn't have to keep it secret. We've never regretted it.

Just do it!

gaggiagirl Sun 03-Jul-16 21:25:32

Those who had a small quicky wedding, did you wear anything wedding dress like?
I'm so happy with my outfit. I feels the pressure is off trying to dress my preggo self now.

Onedayinthesun Sun 03-Jul-16 21:47:11

Hi OP
We have been together 20 years, married for 15 this Christmas. We booked the registry office, told no one and asked our two witnesses the day before would they come with us. Shocked but happy for us they did attend and we had a lovely day!
We rang our parents afterwards - mine were delighted and DH not so much but got over it.
I wore a maternity trouser suit, I was 8 months pregnant and it was a cold December morning grin
Do it! We pleased ourselves and have been soul mates all our lives

MetalLaLa Sun 03-Jul-16 21:52:08

We got married within six weeks of deciding to scrap our idea of a traditional wedding neither of us actually wanted, four witnesses (no family, just close friends) and had a meal afterwards and a night out then broke the news the next day. Probably cost less than £1000 due to cost of the rings and booking a nice hotel room smile only thing I would have changed is maybe less witnesses or gone to Gretna! We had only been together a year and engaged for six months so caused a but of a suprise but nearly five years later we are very happy.

Savagebeauty Sun 03-Jul-16 21:54:19

Yes do it!!!
It's my plan to do this in a couple of years.

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