DD cant stop crying after letting herself down at school today and being asked to leave the classroom.

[morry1000]

DD2 17 . For those of you who don't know DD was readmitted to yr 11 due to her statement for ADHD /AS Symptoms . This was because of her SENCO who stuck her neck out and her 138 IQ.

Well she was thrown out of the class (First Time This Year) for muttering a swear word when the Biology teacher was being (BORING). She went in to isolation and has not stopped crying or shaking since.

She is petrified the school are going to expel her ( Despite the Senco and me reassuring her they are not) DD has worked so hard this year with attainment and her behaviour and is in line to get 6A* 1 B In (BIOLOGY)

I have grounded her for a week and banned her from playing Hockey at the weekend. She will not stop crying or shaking , how can I help her to stop crying and shaking.

The school breaks up tomorrow for half term, the Senco has suggested that the punishment should be 3 days isolation when half term finishes.

Should I keep DD of School tomorrow and let her play hockey on saturday.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I'm not surprised she hasn't stopped shaking and crying tbh.
She has disabilities and she is being punished.
I know everybody seems to believe in punishment, but I think they punish themselves enough.
I know their behaviour can try the patience of a saint at times, to me its part of the disability.

That's just me though, I can't stand people being punished when they struggle to understand something.

OP, my ds2 has AS and plays Hockey. His behaviour improved when I promised never to use it as a punishment again.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Unground her and tell her to swear more quietly in future.

[morry1000]

Quietly. No she needs strict sanctions because for the last three years she has had a "POTTY MOUTH TOWARDS TEACHERS" .. Probably it is very harsh for her own "Good". Its the SENCOs Sanctions ( who is a Close friend of mine) and the reason DD is achieving her potential...

[sonlypuppyfat]

I'm sorry I don't particularly like teachers most are boring but they don't deserve to be sworn at.

[TimeToThinkOfYourFuture]

If the swearing was obviously under her breath as a SENCO and assistant head I would say "ahem" and ignore. If louder, day in isolation. As a parent, I would not ground, school have done their job. I know none of the background for your DD but I would do hugs and hot chocolate!

[morry1000]

It was probably quite loud DD struggles to control her voice ...

[TimeToThinkOfYourFuture]

Whether loud or not, banning physical activity doesn't seem like a good solution. Honestly, I have pretty high standards and hate rudeness but this is a minor offence given her needs. Can you backtrack? Or sweeten it somehow!

[lukebsf1]

What is this Biology teacher like in general, is she the power hungry type who love giving punishments to show that they are boss, or is she generally a nice teacher??

I'm shocked at a punishment like that given by the school for just muttering a swear word, if she said it straight out to the teacher then I can see why, however just for muttering it then it seems like a huge over reaction to me, especially considering the teachers should know about your daughters disabilities.

If I were you I would try and get hold of the teacher (Email/phone) to ask what her side of the story was (was it only just muttering) and let the teacher know how badly it has effected your daughter and her confidence. (If the teacher is the power hungry type then they tend to back down to parents because whilst they are happy to be nasty to students they tend to be really calm with parents because they then realise they have been found out)

[AcrylicPlexiglass]

3 days isolation, grounded for a week and missing hockey- for swearing? Once? And under her breath or at least attempting to do it under her breath? Are you serious? That sounds very, very, very, very OTT. I speak as the mother of NT teenagers who have been punished far more leniently for far worse crimes! I agree with morethanpotatoprints. It really sounds like she is punishing herself enough here.

[Kleinzeit]

This seems like a mistake to me. Most AS venting is caused by anxiety; punishments add to anxiety so even if the SENCO thinks they are doing it for your DD’s own good, the punishments have probably been making your DD's bad-language problem get worse.

My DS (15yo, very bright, AS) has occasionally used some rather bad language in school but the teachers know about his communication disabilities and they often develop temporary deafness. It doesn’t seem to have encouraged him to use bad language. I dunno why your DD’s school can’t do that, maybe there’s a double standard for boys’ bad language and girls’.

So unless she did some other stuff you haven’t been told about, or directed the swearword openly at the teacher rather than muttering it into the air, then a 3 day exclusion (plus grounding and no hockey!) for one rude word seems both extreme and counter-productive.

[mathanxiety]

If her only projected B is in Biology, is there a chance that she and the teacher are somehow not on the same wavelength? Or is the teacher comfortable with someone with your DD's diagnosis in the class?

[morry1000]

The Senco ( My Close Friend) picked up DD from her form room and took her to the library this morning. DD is going to be in Library all day working on her own ( Doing Last Nights Homework). The Senco has given her some AS level English Lit to do to keep her focused and ( Offered a deal to her)
"GET AN A GRADE ON THE ENGLISH LIT" and we will forget the 3 days isolation next term.

The Senco had no intention of giving DD 3 days isolation, she just said It because she is disappointed in her behaviour. She also has to be careful as she is a close friend to me and sees DD all the time.

She comes down on DD harder than with other pupils because of that.

The change in DD from this time last year when she went in crying to the Senco over her future with 5 E grade predictions is huge.

The problem with the Biology teacher goes back 3 years or so ( THEY ARE LIKE OIL AND WATER) .She was excluded twice in y 9 and once in yr 10 for swearing at teachers and refusing to do any work.

MY DD despite having an IQ of 138 entered secondary school with Level 3s in Maths/English and then did absolutely no work for 4 and half years.

How do you deal with a child like this , who is so bright but wont work.
One Maths lesson last year she spent 45 minutes talking out loud about the "MINERS STRIKE 1984" she had researched it on the internet and had spoken to my Dad who was an ex miner.

[wol1968]

My hunch is that people like your DD tend to do far better in further and higher education where the emphasis is more on independent study, research and creative thinking. If you can focus on getting her through her GCSE'S and into a sixth form college or further education college where her needs will be better catered to, she may be far happier than in a traditional school environment.

[soul2000]

I am sorry to hear this, because I know how hard you and your DD have worked for the massive improvement in her work and behaviour.

she will get over this little blip , and maybe it was not your DDs fault what happened yesterday.

[morry1000]

DD has just come in with a big grin on her face. She did the English work and told me the Literature AS level was A grade standard. I pretended I knew nothing ,I did because the Senco had rung me to tell me, as it happens I am going out with her later.

I have also told DD she is not grounded any more , and that she can play Hockey tomorrow.

The Senco told me ( IT WAS THE TEACHERS FAULT) between us only.
There is tension between her and the Biology Teacher, and her Biology level is high B and with a bit more work would be at least A standard.

Apparently during the lesson , he gave some work back and berated DD by saying "She was Lazy" and a waste of time. She then let out Fu** Hell I am trying so hard and you are "Boring". He sent her out of the class, at which point she broke down , and was convinced she would be "EXCLUDED
PERMANENTLY" ,after all the Deputy Head did not want her readmitted to YR 11 . It was only after the Head realised how good it would look in the statistics if a child who came in to school at level 3s and was expected grade Es makes it to a RG University.

The whole attitude of the school suddenly changed overnight?

[Kleinzeit]

I'm glad it turned out OK!

[mathanxiety]

Shame the Bio teacher can't be grounded then... There is absolutely no excuse for a teacher to say something so unprofessional, obnoxious and personal to a student. A complete ego tripper.

'Play the ball, not the player' applies to teachers too.

[differentnameforthis]

That's a hell of a lot of punishment for a swear word!

[differentnameforthis]

She comes down on DD harder than with other pupils because of that.

Well she shouldn't be. She should be treating her the same as she treats all the pupils.

Just before I read that line, I was wondering how appropriate it was for your close friend to be her SENCO, not I know that it isn't, at all. Not if she can't treat all her pupils the same.

[differentnameforthis]

now I feel it isn't

[OuterFromOutersville]

This does all sound a little complicated by the friend / SENCO issue. I agree that she should be treating your DD as she would another child. And not blaming the teacher (that is unprofessional of her). Hmm.

[LoopyDoopyDoo]

"The Senco told me ( IT WAS THE TEACHERS FAULT) between us only."

Your (CLOSE FRIEND) [what are the caps all about?] Sounds really unprofessional on many levels.

1. You don't give out a punishment you have no intention of keeping.
   
2. You don't treat your friend's kids differently to others.
   
3. You definitely don't tell parents any of your negative thoughts about colleagues.

[morry1000]

Loopy/Different. If you want to talk about the right Senco for my DD.
What about the Primary School Senco who let her enter Secondary School on Level 3s or the previous Senco at her Secondary School .

The previous Senco let her do no work for 4 and a half years and would just let her spout her "Nonsense" when in isolation.

I would say a senco who lets a Pupil with an IQ of 138 (Documented Proof from tests) but with emotional problems drift towards E grades is incompetent.

We were very lucky because my friend who joined the school last year from a highly regarded private girls school ( Because she wanted to work in the state sector).

One of the first things she did was take DD to the local F.E College and arranged that she witnessed a NVQ Level 1 course. This let her see where she was heading. DD finally woke up after that and realised she did not want to end up like me, and would rather be like her sister , a 3rd Year Ancient History Student at an RG university.

I have seen Senco being my DDs "Best Friend" but not motivating her to do any work , "Thank God" for my friend who makes DD work and behave.

[mathanxiety]

Can the SENCO approach the biology teacher about personal insults being dished out in class instead of helpful feedback about work ?