controlled crying - what's the earliest you can do this?

[valentine]

Is it too early to do controlled crying with a 4 week old (assuming the baby has been fed, winded, clean nappy etc)? Or am I mean to even think like this?!

[colditz]

yes, far far far too early, just cuddle the baby, sometimes it is all they want. They get lonely.

[WigWamBam]

It might not be what you want to hear but, as on your other thread, 4 weeks is way too early. If your one month old baby cries, he needs you - he's too young to be able to "learn" not to cry for you.

[Mum2Ela]

Far too young.

Tiny babies often just want a cuddle.

[SnowmAngeliz]

valentine, i jsu posted anice reply on your other thread then this pops up!

Once again , yes it IS too young IMO!
At 4 weeks old they can't manipulate you or 'choose' to stop, they just need you ALL the time.

[PickasillyChristmasName]

Much too young - they need you.

[emkana]

This baby was inside you, with all his/her needs met 24/7 only four weeks ago. Please give him/her time to adjust to the world and just be there! A cuddle is a genuine need just like food, winding and a clean nappy is.
Controlled crying should not be done before 6 months, some say 12 months.

[morningpaper]

I would say before 12 months is harsh, before 6 months is cruel.

[DissLocated]

I must be really cruel then! We did it at 12 weeks and it worked fantastically well for us and dd (now 20 mo)is still a great sleeper. I know a few people who did it around 8 weeks, although I do think 4 weeks is too early.

[CorrieDale]

Four weeks is way too young! My DS wouldn't settle at night either - with the help of the MW we eventually worked out he was hungry and allowed him to cluster-feed from about 5pm until whatever time he was full. 11pm at first, and it went down an hour every few weeks. It was a bit incovenient at the time but at least he wasn't crying.

[Kelly1978]

I'm rather at people who want to do cc so young. Babies will sleep when they are ready to. I've never done cc with any of my four, and my dts are now starting to sleep through at nearly 9 mnths. Fair enough, sometimes they need to be left for a bit, when you've tried everything, and nothing works, and you have other things to do. But actively leaving a young baby to cry to sleep train them is cruel imo.

[dingdongmeggymooonhigh]

My friend did this at 2 weeks (I kid you not) and it broke my heart. I bawled my eyes out on the way home just thinking about it.

[mumfor1sttime]

I did cc at around 6 weeks. It worked for us, within a few days ds was sleeping all night and has done ever since (he is 11 months now)

This is a touchy subject on Mumsnet, it would seem. I believe that you have to do what feels right for you and your baby. There are many factors as not all babies are the same.

Remember it is not 'cruel'

[DinosaurInAManger]

There is quite a lot of scientific research on why it's a very bad idea to leave them to cry when they are very young e.g. "Why Love Matters" by Sue Gerhardt.

I think that even Dr Richard Ferber, the controlled crying guru, says that you shouldn't do it before six months.

[emkana]

"Remember it is not cruel"? Says who????
A four week old who has absolutely no understanding of the world around yet needs his/her mother (or another carer) when he/she cries, it is a very basic but also very urgent need. It's only when babies get older that they develop an understanding that their mother will come back for them.

"what feels right for you and your baby"
Hmmmm. I think if you do cc at such a young age it might feel right for you, but if you think it feels right for your baby you are mistaken.

[emkana]

I think Ferber said 12 months even and he advised to only use it in cases where the parents are completely and utterly exhausted and at the end of their tether.

At four/six/even 12 weeks you have to go with the flow IMO and let your actions be guided by the baby's needs first and foremost.

[cathyspamtaslittlehelper]

most books say 6 months, i think 10 months is more reasonable but i didnt use cc on mine i did the gradual retreat type thing - much gentler and it worked for my 2!

[Blandmum]

Too early at 4 weeks. I did it at about 10 -12 months with mine (such a long time ago!)

[Mercy]

Agree 4 weeks is far, far too young. 8 - 12 months is fine imo.

I'm sure some of us have left our very young babies to scream for a while because we've been exhausted, at out wits end etc. But cc at 4 weeks is madness - sorry.

Cruelty can also mean indifference to suffering, which I believe such a young baby would be (suffering that is)

[mommie]

gina ford says six months or older

[hercules]

Lots of people who dont understand cc think it is simply leaving them to cry which it isnt. Far too young and let's be honest, it is cruel.

[hercules]

at that age I mean.

[Hulababy]

I personally wouldn't want to do CC with a child who was too little to be able to communicate their needs to me in some other way as well.

[Hulababy]

Have to say that I don't believe CC is necesarily cruel, not when used properly and at a much older age. CC is not just leaving a child to cry. However, still think uner a year is too young for me.

[mumfor1sttime]

IMO cc is not cruel if done properly. Surely it is better to start at an earlier age. Couldnt imagine over these last 11 months having ds still waking and not sleeping and now starting cc!! IMO this would be harder on ds and us.
In my house bed time is sleep time!

Letting ds cry for a few mins at a time over a max of 3 days (this is all it took for us)is not us being cruel, it is us teaching ds to go to sleep on his own - how is that cruel?

[hercules]

because at that age they cant be taught. Have you read Ferber?