How much do you do for your DH/DP?

[GoodGrrrlGoneBad]

And do you feel taken for granted?

I'm just wondering how much other women do for their partners, in terms of say laundry, packed lunches, cooking etc etc, and if they feel appreciated?

I've always taken control of the laundry in our house, mainly because DH is genuinely unable to detect when it should be done (ie, he would wait until nobody had ANY clean clothes left, and then do it) But, i've been feeling quite taken for granted (ie, like a maid picking up his clothes, washing and drying them) and told DH that i won't be washing any of his clothes from now on. I'm now resisiting the urge to do any washing for him today, as the basket is completely full of his stuff.

I should point out that he is a very hands on Dad and does his share of most other things (apart from cooking, as he is pants) but i feel very liberated at the moment!

[scattyspice]

There is no answer to this and it is difficult to compare yourself to others as alot of it depends on how many hrs/week you work/he works, what other things are done by him (DIY, car maintenance, gardening, cooking etc).
All I know is that housework is a sad thing to argue over (I know, I fallen into this trap myself, many times). We are all taken for granted everyday and we are probably equally guilty of taking our partners for granted.

[notnowbernard]

He works full time, I'm part time

I do all the laundry (refuse to pick-up after him... if it's on the floor/furniture, it gets chucked in the bottom of his wardrobe. Ditto shoes)

I'd say cooking is shared fairly equally

Gardening and DIY - all DP

I probably do most of the cleaning (but he'll do it if asked)

I do the dc lunchboxes

Childcare is done by whoever is there to do it... it's never been an issue, he'll do anything to do with childcare (wouldn't get him to a toddler group or somesuch for love nor money though)

Shopping is done by whoever is around to do it

I tell you what though, I wish he'd bloody empty the dishwasher once in a while...I don't think he's EVER done this and it winds me up for some reason!

[GoodGrrrlGoneBad]

oh we haven't argued over it, quite the opposite, and i do actually thank him for doing say DIY things. I can't however recall him ever saying thanks for washing my socks!

I'm just interested in how other people feel about doing household chores on their partner's behalf, and if they feel appreciated.

[notnowbernard]

No, I don't feel taken for granted

[Lilyloo]

I do all washing , ironing (well take the top off it ), cleaning and cooking during the week.
He may put a wash on at weekend if asked or do a bit of ironing if asked.
He generally cooks at weekend.
I am now a sahm though and things were distributed a little more fairly when i worked.

I do sometimes feel undervalued given that i had to give up work when dc3 came along.

But most of the time it doesn't bother me.

[SheWillBeLoved]

DP works almost 60 hours a week. I only work part time. I'm at home more than him, so the majority of it falls onto me.

I refuse to sit in a messy house just to make a point of 'I'm not your slave', as I know he never thinks of me as this no matter how much he leaves his socks at the side of the bed for me to scoop up.

Housework really isn't something I like arguing about. If I'm at home, and something needs doing - I do it. No point in sitting around getting stressed about it and waiting for him to notice it.

[AllThreeWays]

I only feel taken for granted if at the end of the day, he is sitting on the couch while I am still in the kitchen (or similiar). I think the jobs should be done then you get to spend time together. Of course that doesn't apply if you have relaxed all day they suddenly feel like ironing at 9pm :O

[ABetaDad]

GoodGrrrlGoneBad - what is it with wives?

Mine says this as well:

"I've always taken control of the laundry in our house, mainly because DH is genuinely unable to detect when it should be done (ie, he would wait until nobody had ANY clean clothes left, and then do it)"

I have given up the fight over laundry. We blokes just do it differently and yes we do know not to mix whites and colours and not to wash a lambs wool pullover in the washing machine.

I honestly think that women make a rod for their own backs and should be more clear about what they expect their DP/DH to do and stick to it.

[stuffitllama]

sahm
everything

[notnowbernard]

I too do not like to argue about housework

I too do not like to sit in a messy house

But I refuse to scoop up dirty pants and socks for DP, however hard he works. I would not, in a ,million years, expect anyone to scoop up my dirty pants and socks when I am perfectly capable of doing so (no matter how hard I work!)

At the end of the day I am Dp's lover, not his Mother

[Haribosmummy]

Agree with scattyspice - there is no right answer.

In our house: I do 99% of washing and cleaning, and 90%+ of childcare and 100% of dog-care.

When he's home (weekends only), he cooks and will hoover (if I haven't, though it's usually to prove a point that, err... I haven't!).

he is responsible for the cars, bills and DIY
stuff (unless it can't wait for him to be home)

[ComeWhineWithMe]

I am a sahm he works .

But he si quite happy to do housework and since I got PG we have fell into a routine where he goes down with dc and feeds them I get them dressed washed etc etc .
He also washes up without any thought about it and tidies quite a lot up.

I do all the cooking and most washing .
He looks after the dog and is supposed to do garden.
He does morning schoolrun I do afternoons .
I do bedtimes and stories (he hates bathtime)
We both do diy.

He never cleans the loo or bathroom and drives me mad by leaving used razors and wet towels everywhere but I drive him mad by leaving dishes everywhere.

He also makes more cups of tea then me .

Oh he dosen't can't iron either.

[GoodGrrrlGoneBad]

abetadad- the problem with me is that i worry about him running out of clothes etc and then go round picking up his discarded clothing (which i've asked him to put in the basket more than once!) and washing it. It's not so much the washing it i mind, but the fact that he leaves his clothes everywhere, despite me asking him not to. That's the bit that made me feel taken for granted.

DH has quite rightly said he is capable of using a washing machine, and he can do his own. But i KNOW that if he doesn't do some washing tonight, he'll be out of clothes tomorrow...

[Lizzylou]

I work part time from home school hours, DH has a full time job about 40/45mins drive away.
We stagger showers etc in the morning,he has his first, generally he will empty dishwasher and give boys their breakfast, I will come down showered and make his packed lunch. He's then off to work, back at around 6pm, often a lot later.
I do washing and ironing (splutter, well as and when usually!), hoovering, organising of boys stuff for school etc, cleaning, food shopping and most of cooking. DH looks after boys on a Saturday whilst I am at work and will often put a wash on, he makes our dinner on a Saturday night.
We sort of muddle through, because I work school hours I do tend to do more around the house, but DH is very good at pulling his weight, not necessarily to my standards, but they are not that high anyway!

[fircone]

Agree with those who say it's got a lot to do with how much each partner works.

Dh commutes 2 hrs each way, gets up at 5.30 and arrives home really late. It's no life for any of us, but after his last company went down the drain, it's any port in a storm.

Anyway, I do absolutely everything. Dh does nada. The trouble is, I have the sneaking suspicion that even if he did 9-5 a ten-minute walk away he'd still be doing nothing...

[notnowbernard]

GoodGrrl - let him have no clothes then!

[GoodGrrrlGoneBad]

but he really can't help it- he can't see it needs doing until it's too late. i won't be washing them, but i will casually mention he might need to do some laundry tonight...i'm not THAT mean!

[fircone]

I must admit I can't really understand those people who say, "I am a mother, not a housewife" and refuse to do anything for their dh. I know someone who won't do any of her dh's laundry, or even cook him an evening meal. She eats with the dcs and he has to get his own dinner. He even has to buy it himself. I know this woman may be making a point, but when she's a sahm with children at school, it really seems that she's being unkind rather than liberated.

[GoodGrrrlGoneBad]

eating seperate meals sounds awful! He sounds more like a lodger than a partner!

[fircone]

Actually I think he's the dog!

[HeadFairy]

Dh works full time, I work part time (ish) actually about 35 hours a week (normal rota is 40 hours a week for me) I do all the washing as he can't operate the machine, but he does at least put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. That's taken years of nagging!

I do all the cooking because he can't boil water, but I don't mind that as I love cooking.

Housework - we have a cleaner who does the majority of the work, I insisted on that when I went back to work. Dh is pretty good about whipping out the hoover if it's looking bad, but our house is on the market and I think that's extra motivation for him.

Shopping - I do that too, but usually Ocado, so not too stressful. I send him out with a list if I'm working on a saturday and we need stuff.

He takes out the bins, and does some dusting when I give him a poke with a cattle prod

[claireybeemine]

SAHM
DH gets up with ds (and dd if she wakes early) in the mornings and feeds him his breakfast

He also does bathtime as soon as he gets in from work.

I do all the washing, sorting and putting clothes away but he does the ironing.

If I ask him to he will wash up or hoover. He usually washes up once at weekends off his own bat.

He puts the bins out (man work )

He cooks maybe once every couple of months (he only cooks spag bol or chilli).

He will pick up groceries etc for me on his way home if I ask him to.

I am mostly happy with what he does, it is a massive improvement on what he used to do (nothing).

He does still drive me mad by just moving stuff around rather than actually tidying it (eg picking toys up from one spot on the floor and putting them in another or moving papers from worktop to sideboard) and by spilling stuff on worktop/floor whenever he is in the kitchen and not wiping it up. I also get annoyed that he can just sit oblivious to mess at weekends whereas I feel compelled to tidy it up but I have now accepted that is my problem not his so just get on with it (with a bit of huffing to make sure he knows I am busy clearing up while he sits on his arse )

[GoodGrrrlGoneBad]

poor man

I do thank my lucky stars that i'm with a man who is capable and willing to share most duties. My father did NOTHING, not even DIY tasks. It's probably why i ended up with someone like DH. Aside from the dirty clothing explosion he leaves round the house, he is rather lovely.