packing dh stuff up and putting it in garden while he is at work as he has started getting violent

[lillaura123]

am i doing the right thing - he wont leave when i ask him too

[totaleclipse]

Yes, change locks to if poss, call police too, even if its just so its on record, you are very strong, stick with your decision.

[compo]

Is there someone who can be with you to help today?

[totaleclipse]

And have someone with you when he is due home from work.

[daisyandbabybootoo]

You probably are if he's being violent, but will this make him worse? Can you get someone to be there with you when he comes home from work, a male relative perhaps.

I would also see about changing the locks if you can so he can't get in the house.

Sorry you're going through this. Have you spoken to any domestic violence helplines at all?

I hope you can stay strong and not be sweet-talked int letting him back home.

[totaleclipse]

If there are children in the house, try to get someone to take them for a few hours in case things get ugly, Does anyone know you are doing this and why? Do you have some support?

[kittywits]

Uh oh, is there anyone nearby you can contact to be with you?Especially around the time he is due home? Certainly tell the police. Don't put up with ANY violence, it will escalate. Let us know how things go later xx

[lillaura123]

thanks all have friend coming over she will help with kids while i pack up stuff, i have found (missing key to other lock on door so he cant get in) unfortunatly no male help near to me - plus he 6ft4 so will be diff to find some1 who will stand up to him - i am keeing phone on me when he gets bk just incase

[Nemo2007]

no advice just wanted to say well done as will help you and your DC in the long run. Be strong you are doing the right thing!!

[IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo]

Please, please, please, speak to one of those women's help lines before proceeding with this.

Things may get ugly and... if I remember right, changing the locks is not a good idea in certain circumstances. You need to get good advice before proceeding with this.

[totaleclipse]

Will your friend still be there when your h gets back?

[lillaura123]

unfortuntly no she wont as she has kids too

[lilibetpotter]

Is your house in joint names? If it is you cannot stop him from coming in. If you have changed the locks or (as my ex did) left the key in so that the door cannot be unlocked he is allowed by law to break in, as long as he repairs any damage done.

The only way that you can prevent him from entering a home that is in joint names is if you press charges.

Before you do anythign I would try and get a solicitors appointment - many will give you a half hour for free.

I have lived with a violent man and you have all my sympathy but pleae don't do anything that could exacerbate the situation

[lillaura123]

no its in my name , its council house so i never added him on luckily

[totaleclipse]

Then you need some proffesional advice for sure, you cant do this alone, are you scared of what his reaction is going to be?

[lulumama]

he is not allowed by law to break in

if he kicks the door to get in, it is a matter that you can call the police for....it is a civil matter, but any violence directed at the door or any part of the house to get in, means you can call the police...

you will most likely be entitled to legal aid, so best thing to do is go to CAB, get a recommendation of a good family law solicitor and go there...

if the relationship is violent, then you are doing the right thing, see if someone can be with you when he is due home, preferably someone large and male..

[Desiderata]

Is he violent only when drunk, lill ... or is the violence unpredictable?

[yelnats]

Dont have any advice to give but you are doing the right thing in getting out of a violent relationship. Stay strong!!

[lillaura123]

last year he dragged me round the flat, he went to punch me when i was 1st pregnant with last baby but missed and got the door instead he was sober all these times,started again three weeks ago when drunk but he rarely drinks so i let it go - he had a broken glass to my face , then on saturaday had me round the throat and was sober

[Desiderata]

Then this is a very dangerous man and you mustn't go through this alone. I take it you at least have neighbours close by?

[kkgirl]

lillaura

You need to get some help, he is not going to be pleased that you have packed up his stuff and put it in the garden, that is going to wind him right up.

I'm worried for you, you need someone to be there with you to help.

[totaleclipse]

Are you planning on pressing charges, if so, I think (dont quote me) that the police can be with you when he arrives home and possibly arrest him. Do you have any marks?

[fawkeoff]

AWW lillaura what a complete shit.i posted on ur thread about his other daughter.i think uve been absolutely fantastic with what uve dealt with and taking her in as ur own at such a young age......what wil happen to her

[totaleclipse]

lillaura123

Have just looked at your profile, he is a big guy, please dont do this alone, call the police, if they cant be there ask for advice.

You are a very pretty girl by the way

[totaleclipse]

Woman sorry, not girl.

[lillaura123]

we have joint residency and i have been her main carer for 4 years so he will have to fight me as he would in any normal custody arguemnt he hasnt got a case - they woul bring her um into it too - and she said to me many moons ago that if it came to it he would rather dd stayed with me than him