I feel very silly posting this but I have realised it is eating away at me. I'm nearly 45, for goodness' sake. I make friends easily, have loads of people who class me as a good friend and have a busy social life. I've lived in my current city for 12 years - I moved here when pregnant with DC1 and met a woman at a postnatal group who I really clicked with. She's bright, funny, shrewd, shares my values and world view, and is someone I have really treasured over the years. She and I, despite being very gregarious and sociable, are both the kind of people to whom others pour out their troubles but are actually quite reserved about telling our own - except to each other. She is the only person other than DP (and a nurse when I miscarried) who has ever seen me cry as an adult, and I also know when she is pretending all's well and have been able to worm things out of her in the past when other people wouldn't have noticed anything was wrong. I have loved my tactful, thoughtful,discreet and wise friend.
But for about 6 months now I have the distinct impression she doesn't want to spend time with me. If a mutual friend organises a large group thing, she comes. But if I suggest coffee, or a drink, or coming round to mine, she either isn't free or she cries off at the last minute with a rather lame excuse. She IS genuinely very busy. She has a very demanding job, busy kids, a lovely but slightly unwordly academic husband which means she is always plate-spinning (as am I), so it's possible she just genuinely doesn't have any time, but I feel like she's avoiding spending any time with me. I popped round unannounced just before Christmas and she seemed genuinely pleased to see me, but I only had half an hour to spare and otherwise I haven't seen her on her own (and only twice in group situations) since last summer. I feel like she's just not that interested any more. If that's the case it would hurt lots but I'd still rather know.
I feel like a 7 year old getting upset because their best friend has gone off with someone else. But this is the person I have held in the highest esteem other than my own family for nearly 12 years. I don't want for company. I have lots of lovely friends. But it's this one in particular I want to spend time with, and I'm so confused by her behaviour. I know the advice will be to just ask her if I have done something that means she doesn't consider me a good friend any more, but I know her and she would deny anything rather than rock the boat. I feel she's just hoping she can gradually shake me off.
We had a vague but not definite plan to meet for coffee today, but she texted this morning with reasons why she couldn't. Fair enough. I have responded by saying 'no problem, let me know some dates you could do coffee or an evening drink'. I don't want to be the boring needy friend. But I'm honestly a bit baffled and my feelings are hurt.
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Relationships
Sad about a friendship that seems to be slipping away
Biscuitsneeded · 14/01/2017 19:38
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