This is probably going to be long but here goes.
I met my husband 10 years ago, we've been married for 8. There have been a lot of times I've just wanted to walk out the door and lots of things that have happened that have made me stop loving him. I'm planning on ending the marriage after Christmas, rightly or wrongly this is due to finances.
Over the years he has had many drinking binges. He has wet himself several times, he's wet the bed. He's vomited so badly on our daughter's bed once (it was like black tar) we had to buy a new one. He's run up debt, repeatedly, on crap and booze and fags and junk food. He wrote off a car driving too fast in a 30mph zone! When he was drunk he'd call me at 3am to collect him, we live in the middle of nowhere and there are no taxis even though I thought he'd stay at friends) So I'd take my baby and my toddler out of bed to collect him. His drink antics have been horrible, he stayed out once rather than come home to have a family day, he's fallen on a woman and cracked her ribs, he lost his wedding ring (in his wallet for some reason) Scary when I write all this down. He also verbally abused me at a wedding reception when I was with the kids.
I've had a breakdown and he didn't support me though that. Wouldn't speak about it. Didn't turn up to marriage counselling which I arranged. We haven't had sex for 4 years, I find him physically unattractive.
Through all of this I've felt that this is my lot. That no one else will want me. I'm not physically attractive and as sad as this sounds, in my entire life Ive not had a compliment from a man (yes I know I shouldn't judge my self worth on my looks) I do have 2 awesome kids though and mainly care for them myself. He has good moments as a dad but he's not the best by a long way. He once got so drunk he smashed his face in and scared out kids so much one was almost sick and the other wouldn't open her eye's.
I've confided in 2 friends all these dramas and more. Both had asked me if leaving him is what I really want. This messed with my head. After all that he's done is this what they think I'm worth?? Then I think is this all that I'm going to have, it's been so long this is my normal.
Reading so many threads in here and seeing some reactions to what men do (when its lesser than my H) has made me realise this isn't normal. I want to think I'm worth more but do my friend's see something I don't??
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Planning to end marriage, friends making me doubt myself
mysistersimone · 04/10/2016 10:59
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