I'm drowning. Childhood DV coming back. Help.

[Rockfuckingbottom]

I'm a long time lurker but in the heat of this moment I've signed up. At my rock bottom.

DF died when I was a young child. DM remarried when I was in my early teens. He's not a nice person. I spent years hiding from the violence and trying to make DM leave but she never would. He was violent towards me when I tried to stop him beating her from pillar to post and my adolescence was sheer hell. I've never recovered and I don't think I ever will.

I left at 18. DM wouldn't leave and he'd apparently quietened down so we were very low contact for 10 years. I gave birth to my first DD three months ago so I've been trying to make an effort and it's been strained but OK. DM visits me and DD, I visit the two of them once a week. Made it clear that she was not to be exposed to ea or dv.

Today. Shit. I came to visit them with DD. He was quiet and stroppy all day. All of a sudden he grabbed here by the hair and dragged her across the room. I was stuck standing there with my tiny baby and so fucking helpless. Called DH to take the baby which he did very quickly, he left work to pick her up. She's now safe at home with him.

DM won't leave the house. Her H won't either. He's upstairs throwing things. DM will not let me call the police. Physically won't let me. This is how things used to be except now I'm in my 30s and I have a baby waiting at home for me so what the fuck am I supposed to do?

I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like I have no option. If I leave here and he kills her I will forever be responsible. He won't leave and she won't come with me.

Someone please help me breathe. I can't breathe.

[TheMshipIsBack]

You leave the house and call the police from a safe place. Get yourself safe first.

[Rockfuckingbottom]

I can't leave her. After everything I just can't. If she would come with me it would be OK but I can't leave her here with him. He won't come near me now I'm adult, he knows I will hit back. He's scared of confrontation apart from when he can abuse a woman who's close to 70.

[Joan0fArc]

You're not responsible. I left my abusive x. So I know it's not easy but I also know it's possible. There's help out there and you have to protect yourself and your own child.

[LumpyMcBentface]

Call the police.

[LumpyMcBentface]

Sorry, I've just reread.

Pretty sure you can text the police these days.

[Amandahugandkisses]

Call the police

[NameChange30]

Leave the house. Leave your mother. I know it must break your heart, but you can't protect her and it's not your responsibility to. Just leave and never go back. You can still let her visit you and tell her she is always welcome at your house (without him, obviously).

Have you ever had counselling? Perhaps you could contact NAPAC and/or post on the Stately Homes thread. You'd get lots of support from people who understand.

[RJnomore1]

Could your husband phone the police for you?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

You cannot rescue and or save someone who does not want to be saved; she has basically chosen this man over you. She is an adult and has made her choice, she has chosen this individual. She has stayed with this person for her own reasons; it has nothing to do with you.

If he kills her he is responsible for her murder, not you. Why would you be responsible?.

You leave the house and you make that call from a safe place.
All you can do is save your own self and not expose your child to any of this violence either.

[MrsJayy]

Please leave and call the police once you have gone if you think that is whats best, i grew up witnessing DV i left home at 21 it is horrific, but you cant make her leave him but calling the police might help im sorry you and your mum are victims of this still. My mother is condioned now to behave how he wants I dont think he batters her anymore

[Mooey89]

I know it's hard, but your mum is an adult who is making the decision not to leave with you.

So first things first, you have to leave.
Then, you have to call the police. She may return, but you have to act now on what is happening. Do it on 999, as soon as you are out. You could stay nearby for when they arrive.

[MrsJayy]

I second get your husband to do it text him

[Rockfuckingbottom]

My DB arrived after i called him. He is NC with the family. He came though. I'm in the kitchen and DB has her H pinned on the floor. It's so screwed up that this is something I've lived through more than once. It almost seems normal.

I'm going to leave but not until it is safe for her. She's the only family I have.

[AntiqueSinger]

Please get to a safe place and phone the police. On this occasion you have to do what is best for your DM because she is too brain washed at this point to do it herself. Even if she doesn't want you, to phone the police now!

[AntiqueSinger]

Cross posted. I would still insists she leaves either with you or call police and get her moved to a safe house. Or get him taken into the cells overnight

[Rockfuckingbottom]

I'm scared SS will get involved because DD witnessed violence and I was treated by the crisis team for pnd and anxiety. I'm still under them.

[MrsJayy]

This has escalated your brother is going to end up in a fight with him call the police just phone them your mother wont want you to but you have to get him lifted police can charge him

[Rockfuckingbottom]

I'm calling them. I'm in the garden and I'm going to call

[MrsJayy]

Your Dd isnt there though she wasn't harmed how would SS get involved you poor bugger you will be alright

[NameChange30]

"She's the only family I have."

That's not true, is it?! You have a husband and a daughter. They are your family and they should be your priority now.

You also have a brother - he sounds like a sensible person if he's NC with everyone else. Maybe you could follow his lead and reduce contact with your mother.

[RJnomore1]

You got your child straight out and I am sure you won't be bringing her back, don't worry about ss. Call, you are doing the right thing, poor you and your poor brother.

[Shiningexample]

if the brother is violent towards the piece of shit husband, then the pos husband will likely take it out on your mother later
he's been humiliated by another man and someone with a strong need to dominate and be in control isnt likely to cope with that very well

[Mooey89]

Well done for calling. It's the right thing.

[user1473454752]

My mother suffered dv till 2 years before she died aged 63 last year, get out, go home phone the police this maybe a little wake up call for your mum, and then if your mother wants to see you she can come to your house with her partner.

[NameChange30]

"if your mother wants to see you she can come to your house with her partner."

What the fuck?! Are you joking?!

I cannot believe what I am reading.