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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Any single parents on here?? Needing some inspiration!

54 replies

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 20:45

I have posted on single parents but no joy.....
Just wondering what you lovely single mums (or dads) do in the evening or weekends? I go to bed at the same time as my DC's because I'm fed up of my own company and just completely shattered. My weekend is busy catching up with housework washing ironing and food shopping. I try to do something with my DC's on one of the days on the weekend but it's non stop! Lately I have found myself having a mini melt down whilst I fold the fourth load of washing or when I'm washing up for the 10th time. I'm actually feeling sorry for myself and really I have absolutely nothing to be upset about. I just sometimes would so appreciate someone making me a cup of tea.
Does anyone else get days like this? I can't seem to kick it and have been like it for about 2 months....

OP posts:

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pieceofpurplesky · 15/05/2016 20:53

I feel your pain. I don't miss the narcissistic ex but I miss having company. It's just that burden I think that everything is down to me. Ex breezes in like Disney dad and has ds 6 hours on a Saturday and that is the only me time I get.
I read a lot. I watch box sets. I do a fitness DVD. I have found my friendship group has changed a little - still have the same friends but now closer to other single mums and we try to have evenings at each other's houses with the kids.
It's pants.

funnychops · 15/05/2016 21:02

Join a gym and go while DCs are at school? Great way to meet people.
How old are DCs?
Could you teach them how to make you a cup of tea? My DS 9 makes me a coffee every morning, it's the one thing someone actually does just for me, he loves to do it and it's a highlight of my day seeing his beaming face with a coffee for me when I wake up.
Could you give them chores?

NoisyBarker · 15/05/2016 21:03

I had a period like this and I decided that leaving all of the housework/shopping to the weekend was contributing to it. There just never seemed to be any respite and I never felt like I had a day off. I only have one DC so it may be harder for you but I started making an effort to make sure everything was done during the week. I take her with me to the supermarket one night after work/school and during the week I became quite strict on her having an hour of quiet time (drawing or watching TV alone) before bed. If I really go for it for that hour I can clean up after dinner, get things ready for the next day, and do one main household chore a night. So at the weekend there is not much to do except iron uniforms/clothes for the week which I do on a Sunday evening. Now I feel much more rested because I have two full days at the weekend. We'll do something nice and pay visits on one of those days but the other day I make sure we chill out at home.

It's tiring during the week definitely but I do feel better for it. I used to just flake as soon as she'd gone bed and then go myself an hour later after wasting that time on the Internet and then would feel utterly miserable that I hadn't achieved anything but I just had to get strict with myself.

Now I'm getting used to my routine I e started reading and watching box sets and I've even started drawing in the evenings which I'm pleased about as I feel like it's years since I ever did anything for myself.

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:03

I don't miss my ex at all. I have been single forever......
My DC's go to their dad's everyother Sunday for 6 hours.
I need to invest in some box sets maybe. I run when I can. Finding time to do that is difficult.
It is pants! Feeling sorry for myself lots lately! Thanks for the reply

OP posts:

GinAndSonic · 15/05/2016 21:05

I think you need time child free. Even if that means staying up after the kids to have a cuppa and read a magazine. Otherwise all your waking hours are kids kids kids, and no you. You are not just a mum. You are a person. Adult colour in fills some time, and you get quite engrossed so don't mope over your solitude so much.
Have you been a single parent long? I found it took time to settle into it and become comfortable with my own company

pieceofpurplesky · 15/05/2016 21:06

Netflix is the answer!
Funny I have been down too - maybe it's the sunny weather and light nights

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:09

Funnychops - aww that's cute. Mine are 10 and 8. My 10 year old moans at me when I ask her.
I am at uni all week so difficult to go to the gym. I did try but I was paying and hardly using it... thanks for the reply
Noisy barker - that's really good that you have started to draw again. Well done!
Good advice. I'm actually going to try this I soooooo long for a day of just chilling, sounds perfect. I feel so tired after a full day the thought of shopping but maybe I will try it. Thanks for the reply

OP posts:

duro1 · 15/05/2016 21:10

I was seeing a counsellor and she made me realise all the time I have when baby naps or when EXp has him I was just cleaning, ironing, food shopping, etc etc. As pp said I now try to do a certain amount each day so that when he is with EXp I can have proper me time. I also started reading again, knitting, going window shopping, going to the gym. I also pay £6 a month for Tesco delivery service, can have as many deliveries as want per month for that as long as over £45.... can sit in evening and food shop rather than go to supermarket, lug it all home etc.

pieceofpurplesky · 15/05/2016 21:13

Oh and I got a dog!

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:14

GinandSonic - I have been single 6 WHOLE years. I've had ups and downs like we all do but lately....I think I'm feeling because life has been a bit of a roller coaster and finally it's calmed down and I'm where I should be, me and the dc's I'm thinking I should feel settled but I don't and I don't know why. I feel envious of people going home on a Friday and saying they are doing this this and this. I love spending days with my dc's but really need some adult company now as it's been so so long!

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NoisyBarker · 15/05/2016 21:16

Is it maybe a good time to try Internet dating OP?

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:17

Pieceofpurple - maybe
I think the lighter nights are when everyone socialises more and the sunny afternoons out and about whereas it's the norm to be home alone wrapped up in a cwtchy blanket in front of the tv alone in the winter...

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gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:19

Duro - that's good then. Yes I think I'm going to try and fit more in during the week. Thanks for the reply .

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gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:21

I tried POF Noisybarker but I didn't like it. I also tried tinder

OP posts:

funnychops · 15/05/2016 21:22

Have you joined a dating site OP? Or tried meet up.com to join groups of people with similar interests?

NoisyBarker · 15/05/2016 21:22

Yeah they can be hard work. Obviously it's not the only way to get some adult company and friends are just as good, just thought I'd suggest it

Itisbetternow · 15/05/2016 21:24

I try to do housework during the week evenings and the weekends are free for kids and me. Washing and dishwasher loading and gardening is really all the housework I do at weekends. This means we invite other single mums round for pizzas and bbqs, go swimming, running etc.

funnychops · 15/05/2016 21:24

POF and Tinder might not be the best for you OP.
OK Cupid or Bumble might be more fruitful for you.

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:26

Never heard of meet up funnychops? I will have a look thankyou.
Thanks Noisybarker. I have also put on a stone so not feeling to confident 🙈

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 15/05/2016 21:26

Is there a gym near you that does children's sessions, too? I was reading about David Lloyd gyms, I think, which had children's sessions at the same time as adult sessions. This might be something that the children would enjoy too.

CalleighDoodle · 15/05/2016 21:27

When the kids went to bed id do an exercise dvd. At the weekends i would run. I was in the best shape ofnmy life! .

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:29

Isitbetter - yes definitely going to try this. I sound quite sad but I don't have a great amount of friends. Not any that I could invite over anyway. Everyone is busy with friends or partners or family. God I'm going to cry haha I sound so sad! Thankyou for your reply

OP posts:

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gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:29

Havnt heard of them funnychops. Are they free?

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Hamiltoes · 15/05/2016 21:30

I could have written your OP and your subsequent update.

I've been single since my youngest was born last november. The first year was just kinda "shit what am I doing".. And then winter was fine, signed up for netflix, lots of movie nights under blankets etc. But now its almost summer and its light outside and my girls are in bed by 6.30/7.30.. I feel a bit at a loss for what to do...

Signed up for tinder. Met a great guy a couple of months ago, newly single dad. We both leaned on eachother possibly a little to much and just kind of burned ourselves out. I'm feeling even more crappy than I did before, but not quite ready to jump back on the horse just yet. I'm at a loss, so following with interest!

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:32

Imperial - I think the nearest is in the city and I'm 40 mile away. My dc's started swimming when I went to the gym but started to get bored and it was getting pricey. Thankyou for your reply

OP posts:

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