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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Do all guys check out hot girls online? Please help: in danger of being bunny boiler?

72 replies

greensea · 18/04/2016 20:46

I'm in a relationship of over a year - long distance - but manage to see my boyfriend every second weekend. We also spend holidays and any time off together, we are pretty serious and planning moving in together etc. My boyfriend is a lot of fun and seems to utterly adore me. Here's the problem; SEEMS to. He always tells me how amazing I am and how I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. And whilst I'm lovely, I'm aware I'm not.

Anyway, my boyfriend's browsing history shows me he has been looking at pictures of other girls online - beautiful girls, like Rachel Riley in bikini etc. It's never anything seedy (I know he uses porn to masturbate sometimes which strangely doesn't other me). I discovered this early on into our relationship (he had been looking at this on my laptop, whilst he was visiting me! And left his details logged into my computer so it came up as I searched). I confronted him, and apologised for sounding psycho but explained that I just didn't understand why he was looking at them. He said it was just him being a randy boy and more out of habit than anything, and he'd not do it again.

He visited last weekend, and again left himself logged in and a list of his search history came up. I'm almost certain he'd never cheat on me but it does make me feel like his compliments to me are nonsense, of course I look nothing like the leggy blondes he is googling.

Do I just need to get over this? Are all/most men predisposed to actively look at other attractive women. I feel like I don't want to bring this up again, as I already mentioned my insecurities which caused a slight argument and have not changed his actions. To reiterate, it's not him finding other women attractive that bothers me, just the fact he is actively searching for them online.

Am I just nuts? Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:

Report

AnyFucker · 18/04/2016 20:48

is he 12 years old ?

TrafficJunkie · 18/04/2016 20:50

How old is he? I think if he's early twenties it's fairly normal and he just likes his eye candy. Nothing to worry about. He should respect your feelings more about it though.

BastardGoDarkly · 18/04/2016 20:51

You see him fortnightly, for a wkend at a time, and he Google's wanking material?!

Yanbu.wtfs wrong with him that he can't go two days without doing it? Especially when you've said you don't like it!?

Not a good sign.

TrafficJunkie · 18/04/2016 20:51

To be clear I think the interest should wane once he hits mid twenties though. Otherwise I'd say he has issues that need addressing!

TrafficJunkie · 18/04/2016 20:52

It doesn't sound like wanking material though.

BastardGoDarkly · 18/04/2016 20:53

What is it then Traffic ?

overvalery · 18/04/2016 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 18/04/2016 20:58

nc fail ?

wibblewobble8 · 18/04/2016 20:58

Surely in the grand scheme of things this isn't a big thing. its nothing Googling good looking celebrities for wank fodder is hardly a relationship crime. What about if he thinks about them in his head? Is that acceptable? If so, then why is looking at a physical picture any different? It does sound a little bunny boiler to me tbh.

greensea · 18/04/2016 21:02

Yeah, it doesn't which is weird. I would almost understand that. It makes me feel like he is just constantly perving on people - some of his search history is women we've watched in movies etc together, but usually followed by the word 'hot'.
He's just turned 30, and other than this is utterly amazing with me. Sigh

OP posts:

ALaughAMinute · 18/04/2016 21:18

He knows it upsets you and yet he's still doing it?

Red flag!

mum2mum99 · 18/04/2016 21:19

so I guess you will at some stage have to tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable?
If it does, are you prepared to live long term with someone with this kind of habits? My understanding is that people don't tend to change.

TrafficJunkie · 18/04/2016 21:27

Men like to look at pretty women. That's all it ism even if it is wanking material - it's okay for him to do that. It's natural (in this day and age with the tech side of things) And if he could be more respectful and delete his search history at least OP wouldn't have to stare at it.

All men want and most women do. If not all. Everyone thinks of something to get them going. Some people use visual aids. Sometimes we think of our SOs, sometimes our favourite celebrity, sometimes a hot person we saw in the street.
If you have a problem with his behaviour then I think you have some insecurities to address yourself. At the same time, as he's 30 maybe he hasn't had many long term relationships so he's used to certain habits and is finding it difficult to break them? Especially if you guys are in a long distance relationship.

Have you considered (and ill probably get blasted but I don't care and shan't respond) taking some nice sexy photos of yourself for his pleasure? He would surely appreciate it and he can look at those instead of Net stuff.

TrafficJunkie · 18/04/2016 21:28

All men wank not all men want*

TheNaze73 · 18/04/2016 21:35

So a 30 year old man, who only gets to see you once a fortnight, who has 30 year old male, sexual urges, isn't cheating on you or looking at gratuitous porn but, instead looking at celebrities & maybe cracking one off? It's hardly crime of the century IMO. Maybe ask him to share, what he likes with you, when you're next with him. It'll all blow over when you're living together.

BastardGoDarkly · 18/04/2016 21:43

He only sees op for 2 days in 14, I would've thought she'd be what's floating his boat rather than random slebs?

goddessofsmallthings · 18/04/2016 21:51

He's turned 30 but describes himself as being a "randy boy"?

It sounds as if he's one of those men who never grow up and no doubt more lies signs of his arrested development will manifest if/when you move in with him.

1DAD2KIDS · 18/04/2016 23:34

Personally I think we may be going on a trip to overreactionvile. I would segestion firstly that I would suspect he is viewing these images more out of boredom or just enjoys checking them out. I think if it was for a wank he would be hitting the porn sites for something more explicit. I think men and women do like the simply check out celebs they find hot out and appreciate them sometimes without resorting to mastibation.

I think maybe you need to talk about it and hopefully come to a better understanding about it. I don't think it's healthy to try and prohibited him. But maybe you can come to a better understanding of what he gets from it, how he feels about you and become more at ease.

BobbiTheCynicalPanda · 18/04/2016 23:45

I would suspect he is viewing these images more out of boredom

He's viewing these images on the OP's laptop, during their limited time together which is every second weekend.

1DAD2KIDS · 18/04/2016 23:45

Oh sorry my dyslexia. I read it as random boy. It's was randy boy. That does make him sound a little immature and suggests he could have been wanking. Still nothing wrong with that. Hopefully if you can talk honestly and openly you can better understand things.

Still the phrase 'randy boy', makes me cringe. Must read more carefully in future.

1DAD2KIDS · 18/04/2016 23:46

Also missed that. Didn't realise it was when they were together. That's a bit shit. Sorry folks for not reading this well.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/04/2016 09:09

Hang on OP - Presumably you mean he's staying logged in to Google, so you're seeing all of his searches across devices, not just the searches that he's conducted on your laptop?

It makes a difference if he's actively searching this stuff out in the two days out of fourteen that you're together, or if he's using your laptop on those days and leaving himself logged in, and you're then looking at his history of searches which could be a months worth and includes the periods that you're not together.

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greensea · 19/04/2016 17:50

AnchorDownDeepBreath, apparently so. I thought his searches were just from when he was with me but he claims not. Does Google save your searches across devices?
I am certain the first time I saw his history was from a period we were on holiday together, as the girls he was looking at were from an American series I introduced him to the day before.
I mentioned my recent concerns to him, and he said it's not a big deal and he's just curious .

OP posts:

oldlaundbooth · 19/04/2016 18:36

Yes, google saves searches across devices. I guess it's his laptop that he's using?

wibblewobble8 · 19/04/2016 19:36

what do you want him to do, stop searching for pictures of pretty actresses on google? Do you realise how controlling that sounds? If anyone has a right to be spouting 'red flags' its your dp. Just because your upset he does it doesnt automatically mean he is in the wrong for doing it.

He knows it upsets you and yet he's still doing it?

Red flag!

As espoused by wife beaters world wide

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