Anyone left marriage after affair only to be 'dumped' by OM

[allymcbeal1]

I had an affair with a divorced man who said he wanted me to be free before seeing me again (early November). I fell in love and believed him when he said he felt the same. The affair made me realise my marriage was over. I duly stated divorce proceedings and taking him at his word and now after letting him know this (that I am now separated) he has gone completely silent and won't return my text/call. This was a month ago. Anyone been in this situation? I feel so stupid but do know divorce is the right thing for a range of other reasons I won't go into.

[Sunbeam1112]

This is your karma. You were almost unattainable because you were married and it to some its the thrill of seeking around. I think youv'e left yout marriage with the expection of starting a full on relationship whih utilmatelt hasn't happened.

[Penfold007]

Sorry but no sympathy from me. My sis has left for OM only to be dumped.

[SilverOldie2]

So a good lesson learned hopefully.

[hellsbellsmelons]

No experience but I'm assuming there is a huge back story to your relationship and there were 'reasons' for your infidelity.
But... don't contact him again.
Leave him be and let him come to you.
It's usually the thrill of the chase with these men so let him chase you.
Then tell him to fuck off!

Leave your DH and go and find yourself.
If it has been an abusive relationship in any way then please do contact Womens Aid and do their Freedom Programme.

Be single, find your happiness, then you will be ready for another relationship.

[sije]

Well at least you've left an unhappy marriage as he gave you the push you needed. He's done you a favour really.

[Joysmum]

You realised your marriage was over so you left. Whether or not this worked out with the man you cheated on your marriage with or not, you left an unfulfilling relationship and set you and your ex free.

If you only left because the OM seemed like a better bet then more fool you, but best you left rather than limped on.

[Duckdeamon]

What did you expect, guarantees of happiness?

[magpie17]

Sounds like leaving your marriage was the right thing to do either way, but I don't think you'll be seeing this guy for dust I'm afraid.

[MrsJorahMormont]

From the threads I've seen on here, unfortunately this seems to happen a lot. I feel sorry for all of you in this situation.

You've used the OM as the push you needed to end a marriage that wasn't working. It's not your finest hour and you probably won't get much sympathy on here.

Forget the OM. Move forward with your divorce if it's the right thing to do (you may not have a choice in that as I'm sure your DH is angry and hurt), then take some time to get your head in the right space before you embark on ANY relationships.

[IfItsGoodEnough4ShirleyBassey]

There are worse things to be than single. You're leaving a marriage which you presumably believed to be irreperable and now you're single. These things happen.

[MoMoTy]

Well you got what you rightly deserved. Great that he dumped you so you know what you did your own husband.

[expatinscotland]

Well, you're single now. Onwards and upwards.

[lunar1]

Did you remember to tell your husband he needed a sti test?

[ChatShitGetBanged]

"OM" is a twat

however he has done you a favour and made you get out of your shitty marriage

similar happened to me actually when I left my first marriage, OM made me see what I could have, ie a better relationship, but actually when I could have him, I didn't want him but was a whole lot happier being out of my horrible marriage, and eventually went on to remarry

[allymcbeal1]

Actually people are so quick to judge. I have had 15 years of my husband using escorts and being belittled before I fell for someone else. That was wrong I know but of course life isn't as simple as some would like to think....

[WinterBabyof89]

lunar nowhere in the OP did it say that OP had unprotected sex with OM so your comment is ridiculous and completely unnecessary

[allymcbeal1]

Actually we had an emotional affair...

[bettyberry]

OP, he has done you and your husband a massive favour here. Obviously you were unhappy in your marriage for whatever reason; I don't need to know.

You did the right thing - deciding to divorce- but for the wrong reasons - because you thought you'd fall happily into a new relationship.

Grieve the failed relationships, your guilt over the affair and the massive changes in your life. You need to get through the divorce. Then consider dating again.

This OM though, I think he's long gone. Some men (and women) only date married folk. Its risky, thrilling and the expectation to commit isn't there.

[ChatShitGetBanged]

ally please ignore the people being shitty to you. you do not have to justify yourself

it's not wrong to fall for someone else and leave a marriage. no one should go through life unhappy - your situation sounds intolerable

hope you are ok, definitely sounds like you have done the right thing and OM was just the push you needed to get out

enjoy your new life and stay away from OM even if he does get in touch

[Alisvolatpropiis]

It sounds as though you're better off being single, I mean that kindly, than either in your unhappy marriage or with OM who was clearly quite turned on by the illicit nature of the relationship rather than the prospect of a real one.

You'll be okay.

[Hygge]

This happened to DH's cousin. His wife left him for someone else, and that someone else then left her three weeks later.

It's a shame, they have children, and DH's cousin was devastated, but they are both happier now. She, at least, must not have been happy in her marriage, so although she didn't end it in the best way, it's probably better than her staying in marriage she was unhappy in, with a man she didn't love. Better for both of them in the long run.

He is in a good relationship now, his ex-wife is still single but seems happier.

If you really feel your marriage can't be saved and that divorce was the right thing to do for more reasons than this other man, I think you and your husband will both be better for it eventually.

As for the other man, you sound like you've had a lucky escape. Better to be alone than with someone like him. Maybe taking some time to be single will benefit you in the long run, and make any future relationships stronger as a result.