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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Embarrassing - long distance

77 replies

Raspberry17 · 17/11/2015 19:16

I'm so humiliated. I'm long distance with my partner so we occasionally have some Skype fun.

Yesterday when we were in the middle of it I am sure I heard like a female scream and later on again something like moans. Basically I think he wasn't watching me but some other girl masturbating and must have inadvertently turned the sound on for a few seconds. It's not the first time I hear something like this during those moments but I just couldn't bring myself to say anything as I am so scared of arguments. I did mention I heard that without saying what I thought he was doing but he just said I mentioned that before. That's all.

When I heard that distinct female scream (she must have been really into it) I just got so put off I stopped doing anything but he was still into it and I think it's because he wasn't in fact watching me so he didn't notice anything on my end.

I'm not really looking for advice, just needed to vent. I feel so unattractive.

OP posts:

Report

FackingEll · 17/11/2015 19:19

That's pretty horrendous. You know that, right? Is there a reason why you didn't say anything more or ask a question?
Porn is one thing - and on MN you will find a whole range of opinions on porn. But watching porn when you are supposed to be skyping your partner and getting off on how much you fancy THEM in that moment? Yikes. I'd be gutted as well.

PurpleWithRed · 17/11/2015 19:20

So he's watching porn while You are doing your thing on Skype? Dump him now. And talk to someone about sorting out your fear of conflicts.

Raspberry17 · 17/11/2015 19:23

Yes, I know. I am sure of what I heard even if I can't prove anything.

I don't know... just didn't want to cause an argument, especially when I can't prove anything. I did want to but I just couldn't say anything. I felt so horrible. It's a big humiliation for me.

OP posts:

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 17/11/2015 19:24

Was there another woman there with him?

sonjadog · 17/11/2015 19:25

You shouldn't be embarassed. You have done nothing wrong apart from trust an untrustworthy man. He has betrayed your trust in an awful way.

Could you ever trust him again after this? Surely this must be the end for you?

LIZS · 17/11/2015 19:31

How long have you known him and have you ever met in rl? Tbh it sounds as if the distance is rather convenient for him and you may be one of many. Cut your losses now and focus on rebuilding your self esteem. Virtual relationships are a poor substitute.

spudlike1 · 17/11/2015 19:32

He is treating you badly ...you should be very cross with him .

ALaughAMinute · 17/11/2015 19:41

This doesn't bode well for the future. Trust what you heard and trust your instincts. Get rid!

Raspberry17 · 17/11/2015 20:13

No, it wasn't a real woman, but some cam girl on some porn website I am guessing.

Almost 2 years and we have met but for the time being it can only be long distance. Should change by next summer.

Well as I had heard similar sounds before during skype I did have a feeling he must not find me that arousing... I don't know, but this sound I heard yesterday was unmistakably a woman aroused screaming. I wasn't that sure the other times so just pushed everything to the back of my mind. Easier to do that for me I guess.

Still don't know why he gets on skype if I don't arouse him

OP posts:

spudlike1 · 17/11/2015 20:15

Time to ask him I think

LIZS · 17/11/2015 20:22

I hope it isn't you moving to be with him. How long have you actually spent together?

LuluJakey1 · 17/11/2015 20:22

Oh dear clutches pearls My life is so narrow! Do you mean you are masturbating for him by Skype and he is pretending to be masturbating for you by Skype but secretly watching porn at his end ? fastens buttons on cardi up to the neck

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 17/11/2015 20:26

Not necessarily some porn/cam girl, maybe just someone else, like you, who thinks they're in a long distance relationship with him... And he's killing two birds with one wank stone.

Get rid.

Wotsitsareafterme · 17/11/2015 20:27

Did he instigate the Skype the first time - I'm not judging at all but if it was his idea I wouldn't be faintly surprised

Gabilan · 17/11/2015 20:29

Sorry OP but that woman is real, whether it was porn or someone else he was having internet sex with.

MissApple · 17/11/2015 20:33

Next summer!!!! Thats months away!! Love, he's using you...big time

Raspberry17 · 17/11/2015 20:34

He was using his phone so he can't be on skype with 2 different people. I'm sure it wasn't a "real" girl but some cam wh0re.

Yes, I do feel watching live porn is a form of cheating. That's my opinion, wrong or right, I feel like that.

OP posts:

SoWhite · 17/11/2015 20:36

Was it porn, or was he Skyping another woman simultaneously?

I'd be angry at the other woman, but I'd let the porn slide. I know many on here don't like porn at all. I'm not one of those women. You may be, and that is perfectly fine if you are not happy with it.

Zippingupmyboots · 17/11/2015 20:37

All you heard was a woman scream. It could be a real woman or porn. Could it even be a webcam/chat with another woman?

You are giving the impression you don't see him. I wouldnt call it a relationship if you are just indulging in mutual masturbation by Skype.

LIZS · 17/11/2015 20:37

Could he not have been using a laptop or other device. It sounds as if you are now minimising it. Have you confronted him yet, when do you normally speak?

category12 · 17/11/2015 20:38

Lord, you need to get some self esteem. And this guy isn't going to help with that.

Dump him and do some work on yourself.

He's just awful and you deserve more than someone who can't stop watching porn for however long you were Skyping. Just grim. Of him! You have nothing to feel ashamed about.

Wotsitsareafterme · 17/11/2015 20:38

I wouldn't want dp watching poem while we were having rl sex how disrespectful! Let alone Skype sex. Op it's just yuck you need to bin him off

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Gabilan · 17/11/2015 20:38

Yes it's cheating, OP. But I really don't like your attitude to women in porn so I'm out.

MaliaGrace · 17/11/2015 20:41

'some cam whore'

Focusfocus · 17/11/2015 20:41

You say "you've met" In two years. How many times and for how long? What makes you classify this as a relationship? If he has convinced you it is, and you've only "met" a few times in two years, it's not a relationship, he is simply getting some long distance fun out of you.

I have a hunch that next summer won't come, and if it does, it certainly won't be pleasant.

I'd run for the hills.

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