I have name changed for this as quite frankly I am embarrassed about the situation I have found myself in.
DP and I have been together for 18 months, he now lives with me and DD. We are both in our 40s and have been through a fair amount in a relatively short period...my DP's bankruptcy- he had ignored his debts for seven years. He had major work issues that meant he had to completely change careers; he had issues with a long time friend who went out of his way to split us up and destroy him professionally with frankly illegal behaviour. All of which I have supported him through emotionally and financially but which were nevertheless tough for him.
Cut to the last couple of months and I have become frustrated with how he behaves towards me. Nothing nasty, just a lack of attention. He never compliments me, only tells me he loves me if I say it first and has been completely selfish towards me in bed. He doesn't touch me with his hands in a sexual manner, no touching my breasts or attempts to turn me on (this is hard!). He doesn't give me oral sex, yet expects it in return. We have a lot of PIV sex but it is always a "quickie" and I have never orgasmed.
I have tried to talk to him about it. Calmly, angrily, emotionally but nothing works. He is downright selfish. So this morning we are having a conversation and I say, "I need to know if this is going to change or if I need to decide whether or not this is something I can accept or need to move on from". He says "You've put shed loads of weight on what do you expect?"
His words were like a knife to my heart. I have always known he is a bit selfish and vain but I didn't think he was quite this shallow. I have put weight on but I am a size 12, hardly massive. I am a professional, sensible well presented woman who has done well for herself as a single parent for sixteen years.
I want a bit of perspective...right now I am hurt and angry and want to LTB. I feel like I am getting nothing out of our relationship, sexually, emotionally, financially, physically. Yet, I love him. I'm a fool aren't I? Or is my weight gain an issue that I should be dealing with?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What to do?
TooFatForDP · 18/05/2015 13:00
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