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He "vetoed moving house"

(120 Posts)
Peonysandblueglass Wed 30-Jul-14 08:49:44

So now we are stuck in a tiny rented house full of his hoard of crap.
When we decided to move in together he said he couldnt move into mine because of his cat and mine was on the main road, even though mine was vastly bigger / more modern, double glazed etc.
He said that when a house came up for rent on his road we could then move.
A beautiful lovely house came up on his (now our) road and he said "ive vetoed it, we're not moving because a) it will disturb the cat! (it's 5 doors away from our current hell hole) b) it's dark.
Im so angry that he has that lind of power meanwhile I'm living in a mad tiny house with all these buts of electrical equipment he buys on ebay (brken meaninb to fix but never does)
He haz put up a kind of hospital curtain in the kitchen to cover up the hoard which reaches the ceiling.
I wouldn't mind bug he NEVER uses any if this stuff, blaming time constraints ( he only works a 3 day week).
Im just about to marry this man and Im veeling voiceless, powerless, miserable that a cats happiness is put over mine.
This weekend I've said that were going to get rid of all the crap and he has agreed to it so I can look forward to a weekend of arguments and battles to get rid of just 3 of his 4 wooly scarves etcetc.
Sorry for the rant Im so cross and upset.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 30-Jul-14 08:51:38

Don't marry the man thinking he's going to change. That would be a really stupid thing to do.

Peonysandblueglass Wed 30-Jul-14 08:52:53

Excuse spelling my fingers arent delicate enough for iphone keyboard

BitOutOfPractice Wed 30-Jul-14 08:53:15

What cog said. Why are you marrying him?

Finola1step Wed 30-Jul-14 08:53:21

Don't get married. Sorry

Vitalstatistix Wed 30-Jul-14 08:53:23

Why does he have that kind of power? Who gave it to him?

Peonysandblueglass Wed 30-Jul-14 08:54:20

Well its a bit late now, im just going to have to veto his crap in the same way that he vetoed moving house

Philoslothy Wed 30-Jul-14 08:54:43

Do not marry this man.

Ask yourself honestly, is my life better for having this man in my life? Only stay if the answer is yes.

Peonysandblueglass Wed 30-Jul-14 08:55:28

Apart from not marrying him what is my option though?

anonacfr Wed 30-Jul-14 08:55:47

Don't marry him.

LondonForTheWeekend Wed 30-Jul-14 08:56:10

Don't marry a hoarder. I guarantee that not one person will come here and say they are happily married to/the child of a hoarder.

Hoarding is an intractable, profound, mental health problem and you should extricate yourself rather than sacrificing a further day of your life to him and his sodding cat.

Walk Away

MirandaWest Wed 30-Jul-14 08:56:59

Why are you marrying him? You really don't have to.

Vitalstatistix Wed 30-Jul-14 08:57:00

Marry him and have this life and pray it makes you happy.

LizzieMint Wed 30-Jul-14 08:57:00

If he's a hoarder, you are going to have a very hard time trying to get him to get rid of anything. Can you live with things like this for the rest of your life?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 30-Jul-14 08:57:06

It's only too late if you've signed on the dotted line. If he's dictating things now when you're not married, what the hell is he going to be like once you've got that shackle on your third finger?

anonacfr Wed 30-Jul-14 08:57:17

Well the only option would be to live in separate houses.
Seriously having read some of the hoarders thread on this forum, it's not going to get better.

Igggi Wed 30-Jul-14 08:57:23

What is too late? Have you talked to him about how his veto crap makes you feel, and that you are having doubts about the wedding?
I would be wary of thinking a bigger home would reduce his clutter though, he will probably just expand into the space available.

Homebird8 Wed 30-Jul-14 08:58:00

It's not too late. You haven't signed for him yet. You sensibly decided to inspect the goods first.

Coughle Wed 30-Jul-14 08:58:01

What do you mean, what is my option? Do whatever you want to do, just don't marry him. Find another place to live and move out.

temporarilyjerry Wed 30-Jul-14 08:58:53

Apart from not marrying him what is my option though?

I disagree with the pp; don't walk away - RUN.

Igggi Wed 30-Jul-14 08:59:59

You ask about options - ultimatums I suppose. He changes or he loses you. Think specifically about what you want though - would you be happy if he still bought crap, but kept it in a shed only? Is there a reason he works 3 days, and why does he think he's so busy?

temporarilyjerry Wed 30-Jul-14 09:00:25

The problem isn't the hoarding or the cat; the problem is that he puts them before your happiness. If you moved to a bigger house, don't you think he would fill that with clutter?

Where did you live before you moved in?

Bunbaker Wed 30-Jul-14 09:01:07

Why are you marrying him? Weren't you aware of his hoarding tendencies before you moved in with him? Why not move out into your own clean and tidy place and continue seeing him on your own terms if that is what you want. Or dump him.

He doesn't sound like a good catch.

CocktailQueen Wed 30-Jul-14 09:01:15

Don't marry him! You have the option not to! He won't change. If it's making you this miserable before you marry, it won't be any better after and you'll be more trapped.

andmyunpopularopionis Wed 30-Jul-14 09:01:30

He will not change.

Your only option is to move into an acre of land and have a barn where all his stuff has to go. The other option is do not marry him. This will be your life. He will never stop.

Evem if you manage, by some miracle, to get rid of something this weekend. He will just get more.

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