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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

internet porn and partner

67 replies

Santaclaws · 26/06/2014 18:57

I really need some help and support. I am currently abroad on holiday with my boyfriend who I met on a dating site 6 months ago. We have got on really well and he treats me very well. Then last night i was searching his phone for music to play with him beside me and up popped a site he subscribed to well one girls site off the babe channel. She's half our age it makes me feel sick. I actually can tolerate a bit of on line porn but to subscribe to this makes me suspicious he's been up to more

Everything then came out. The fact that when we first met i saw an escorts site pop up in his search box on the phone. He tells me that a guy at work went there and they all looked it up to see what it was like. He had told me previously that this guy he worked with had all these stories about women he'd been with so that could be true.

Finally I asked him about the app I'd seen on his phone when we met which said naughty places i think. It's not there now but he said he'd looked at some no strings sites when he was single.

Help help he seemed so lovely and he's upset about what's going
wrong now

OP posts:

Report

FolkGirl · 26/06/2014 20:15

Oh santa I don't know what to say

What's your gut instinct telling you?

Santaclaws · 26/06/2014 21:13

Hi folk. I dont know. I don't think he'd cheat but I will never know for certain

Im in a real state miles from home nobody to talk to

OP posts:

BlackDaisies · 26/06/2014 21:22

It may sound impossible, but you should try not to think about it until you're home. Try to switch off and relax in the sun. Like you say you're miles from home and there's nothing you can do about it right now. When you're home you can talk to friends and think it through a bit more and maybe post again for advice when you're surrounded by your support network. You can tie yourself up in knots thinking about possible scenarios. You're not in the right place to deal with it. Just tell him you'll need to think about it at some point, but for now you're going to try to enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Santaclaws · 26/06/2014 22:22

Is it possible there are men who look at these sites but don't act on it. He hasn't had many relationships and was let down badly about 4 years ago. He said it was after that he used more porn.

He's very kind supportive and respectful towards me. I feel quite devastated to find that out. He hasn't been able to eat property since last night as he's so worried about us

OP posts:

Santaclaws · 26/06/2014 22:23

Is it possible there are men who look at these sites but don't act on it. He hasn't had many relationships and was let down badly about 4 years ago. He said it was after that he used more porn.

He's very kind supportive and respectful towards me. I feel quite devastated to find that out. He hasn't been able to eat property since last night as he's so worried about us

OP posts:

LittleLadyFooFoo · 26/06/2014 22:29

Yes...men (and women) who have perfectly normal sexual tendencies and are in monogamous relationships can on occasion look at porn. I have been known to look at youporn and I'm not an addict or someone who relies on it. Talk to him. Maybe it was all before you met.
Of course it's a worry if he relies on porn but it sounds like he's upset about it. Good luck and hope it gets sorted so you can relax on your holiday.

Santaclaws · 26/06/2014 22:45

I have looked at porn too both alone and with previous partners. It's not that that worries me it's the no strings attached sites and That he subscribed to some girl site from babe station. He has said it was well before he met me a d has seemed to have perfectly normal sexual tenancies as far as I can see

OP posts:

MadeMan · 27/06/2014 12:34

Porn can be a bit compulsive, not always in a sexual way just in a curious type of way and especially if you're bored. A bit like channel hopping on telly, sometimes you can end up clicking links just to see what shows up next; doesn't necessarily mean the viewer is sitting there masturbating to all the porn results. I'm sure almost everyone has wasted time on the internet randomly searching for things on Google and even with all the filters on it doesn't take long before at least one porn or swimsuit result turns up to catch your attention.

As for the Babestation subscription, I'd be more concerned about how much he's being forced to pay on it. All those "Get a Page 3 stunna picture sent to your mobile everyday" type websites are a ripoff and I've never seen the point in signing up to them.

Santaclaws · 27/06/2014 13:56

He did say it's something he did a while ago when he was single flicking through channels out of curiosity. Someone caught his eye and he subscribed so he could Veiw her videos but they were pretty rubbish apparently.

The escorts things were more concerning. If I thought he'd seen escorts I would have to end the relationship. Im not sure if that's something a man could do if single for a long time but then stop when he enter a relationship or he would feel the need to keep going

OP posts:

MadeMan · 27/06/2014 15:51

The escorts thing could just be curiosity; him having a look at the website out of idle interest, particularly if everyone at work has been talking about it.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2014 15:59

Porn

NSA sex sites

Paying good money tacky tits/ass shots

Escort sites

It's all adding up isn't it ? Keep finding excuses for what he has done if you like, but I think his history is giving you a very clear message about what sort of bloke he is and it would be a mistake to ignore your instinct.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 27/06/2014 16:42

Anyfucker speaks the truth. I think best you find out now rather than a year or two down the line.

Sorry he is not what you thought he was though.

Santaclaws · 27/06/2014 17:18

Im not making excuses for him im just trying to fathom out whether if indeed and I hope he hasn't used escorts could it be something he did at a phase of his life and not necessarily be addicted to.

I just believe we all do certain things at certain times in our lives. It doesn't necessarily make us bad partner material forever
Im aware though i need to tread carefully and I haven't made my mind up what to do yet.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/06/2014 17:27

If you are the kind of woman that would still hook up with a man knowing he has used escorts (read: prostitutes) then fill ya boots. You deserve each other in that case. Don't come crying to us when it goes (other women's) tits up.

BuzzardBird · 27/06/2014 17:28

Are you not concerned about how he regards women?

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 27/06/2014 17:39

Doesn't sound good, op. But at least you found out early

BlackDaisies · 27/06/2014 17:49

If you're looking for straightforward opinions, speaking from experience I would get out now. I agree with anyfucker. It's all adding up, whether or not it was a phase (unlikely) it all speaks volumes about his opinion of women. You will never find out from him the truth of it all. He will have an excuse for all of it, and be charm personified. In your OP you say what you found makes you feel sick and suspicious he has been up to more. Don't do what many people do, ie bury your initial reaction and start to accept and make excuses for it all.

arsenaltilidie · 27/06/2014 19:34

First accident- watching porn, most men watch it and especially single men.
second time it's a coincident - paying for porn when it's readily available suggest someone who is into his porn/sex industry.
Third time it's the enemy - escort pop ups! What more do you want.

There are certain types of men that pay for sex and your BF seems to be one of them.
Most 'punters' are normal men with good jobs.

Twinklestein · 27/06/2014 20:18

A bit of porn is not the end of the world but I do not believe his escort story even for a second, and neither should you.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 27/06/2014 21:15

Has he told you to fuck off, twice, before?

UnlikelyAmazonian · 27/06/2014 21:18

Because he soon will. And you will be left feeling to blame.

Pop ups? Babes? 6 months in? You're on holiday and you feel sick?

When you get home, get rid.

But do it graciously. And mean it.

Santaclaws · 27/06/2014 22:31

No he's never told me to fuck off I'm not sure what you mean

I don't know for CERTAIN that he's visited escorts I don't know that at all. It just came up on his search box when he was looking for something else. He had previously told me about the guy at work doing it so the explanation of them looking to see could be possible.

He was straight up with telling me about the subscription. Im not making excuses just its not black and white and I don't want to bin what's been great so far if he's not been up to anything

OP posts:

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Twinklestein · 27/06/2014 22:37

Maybe he told you about the guy at work to gauge your reaction about prostitutes? I don't believe that an adult man would look up to see what an escort site looked like - it's bollocks OP. If he were 12 then ok.

Santaclaws · 27/06/2014 23:53

Possibly but inially he didn't say the work colleague had been with escorts as such he just said he was terrible when it came to women and had been with loads and several at a time.

He reckons he told them in work tea room so they all had a look at it. Hmmm

OP posts:

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/06/2014 00:36

This guy at work is really fucking busy with the porn and prostitutes. The amount of times he pops up on here, I'm amazed he gets any work done at all!

Which is a snarky way of saying there is no guy at work. That's a regular, predictable, excuse.

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