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Feeling utterly wrung out & need support

(81 Posts)
themidwife Tue 21-Jan-14 08:18:18

STBXH & I separated 18 months ago & got back together 3 months later. We had many highs & lows & he continued to live apart from us but spent a lot of time at home with us. We had couples counselling & many plans for him to move back in. Before Christmas I said we needed to shit or get off the pot now & sort ourselves out after Christmas.

Christmas was tense & illness, work & his attitude spoilt things. Just after New Year he went awol saying he needed time & space to work & concentrate on that.

Last weekend he had my youngest DD for weekend & she came home on Sunday & said there had been a strange lady & her children in Daddy's house she didn't know. I confronted him when he dropped her off & apparently he met her out somewhere last tuesday night & was now seeing her & our relationship was over but because in his mind we split up on boxing day he has done nothing wrong.

We made love over new year & he did not end the relationship with me although he avoided me.

How could he wheel a new woman & a her kids in after 5 days to meet my DD & start seeing someone without even telling me it's over between us?

I'm reeling with shock & disbelief. Tell me it gets better!

themidwife Fri 31-Jan-14 16:06:44

We have proof of adultery so no problem there. He can wait for the absolute though!

captainmummy Fri 31-Jan-14 14:55:01

'Unreasonable behaviour' has to have examples and reasons.
Adultery has to have proof.

ultimately, to contest costs money.

skyeskyeskye Fri 31-Jan-14 14:44:14

What a twat. They should just throw it out if he can't be bothered to turn up.

themidwife Fri 31-Jan-14 14:20:19

He didn't turn up! Sigh! Another hearing in 2 months & now an application from my side to change the order.

skyeskyeskye Fri 31-Jan-14 10:17:36

How did you get on in court? I hope you are doing OK.

themidwife Tue 28-Jan-14 19:26:21

It'll be adultery. He's admitted it including her name in writing.

oldfatandtired1 Tue 28-Jan-14 19:17:22

midwife please get your petition in on UB first. Even Mother Theresa could be divorced on UB. Then he'll be liable for costs (for divorce that is, not financials).

Just back from solicitor today - I am petitioner on his UB (he's living with his secretary!) - he has applied for financials.

themidwife Tue 28-Jan-14 18:56:33

If I divorce him for adultery it's normal practise for him to have to pay all my costs inc court fees & legal costs.

RandomMess Tue 28-Jan-14 18:52:05

It's up to you what you want to do - divorce him on adultery? Not sure what difference it makes to paying the costs although you don't need a solicitor to do the petition.

I would ask him for the court fees, about £500 I think.

themidwife Tue 28-Jan-14 18:44:42

Yes I was right. He has said unless he receives a divorce petition from me within 4 weeks he will file for unreasonable behaviour "because he has grounds & it's impossible to contest them." This is a man who less than a month ago said I was the love of his life. confused

themidwife Tue 28-Jan-14 03:07:15

No I won't. I have a feeling he's going to make grounds up.

PortofinoRevisited Mon 27-Jan-14 21:54:21

Don't let him in your house anymore. End of.

RandomMess Mon 27-Jan-14 21:48:09

Well he'll just have to wait for the 2 years seperation then won't he wink

themidwife Mon 27-Jan-14 16:42:25

Well he's sent an email today telling me he's divorcing me so that's that. He has no grounds though.

skyeskyeskye Mon 27-Jan-14 14:42:57

oh midwife, I am sorry that he is being such a bastard. and right at a time when you have this court case going on as well. I am sure that you would be dealing better with him if you didn't have that going on.

XH is sleeping with his OW when DD is there and it is so wrong as DD knows that she is married to his friend and told me that it is wrong. I can bring it up with him, but there is nothing that I can do to stop it, only be there for DD when she comes home upset.

I know that you always put the children first and if he really won't not have this woman around, then you either stop them going, which will aggravate the situation, or you could talk to them as best you can to explain very simply what is happening.

Your H has now joined the "callous cold bastard" club and he won't give a damn about your feelings now. What a prick.

Look after yourself.

themidwife Mon 27-Jan-14 12:01:05

He sat & watched me sob & sob last night & just said - you'll be fine & bye.

RandomMess Sun 26-Jan-14 20:13:31

No it's not but if you say anything it will kick off even worse. He is not capable of putting the dc first.

themidwife Sun 26-Jan-14 19:54:54

Yes. All I want is for him to keep his new lady friend away from the kids for a few months. Not to much to ask is it?

RandomMess Sun 26-Jan-14 18:46:06

Yes of course she adores him but she will also realise where his priorities are, which is very sad for her sad

themidwife Sun 26-Jan-14 18:40:03

Well it's only my youngest who is his & she adores him no matter what.

RandomMess Sun 26-Jan-14 16:01:48

He's been stringing you all along for years I'm afraid. Let him dig his own grave with your dc, they will see him for who he is very very quickly.

themidwife Sun 26-Jan-14 15:47:16

4, 9, 20 & 21 (older ones left home now)

RandomMess Sun 26-Jan-14 15:16:35

I'm not surprised lots of huge stuff going on for you.

How old are your dcs, I can't remember I'm afraid?

themidwife Sun 26-Jan-14 14:58:55

I can't seem to get a grip - still not eating or sleeping sad

themidwife Thu 23-Jan-14 06:49:28

He's refusing to not have her & her kids there when he has our DCs. A few days ago we all thought we were a family. How can't he see this is not appropriate right now?

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