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Original poster

Housetraining... evolution of a husband...

146 replies

LemonDrizzleCake11 · 19/12/2013 11:45

Just thought I'd post a random musing I had regarding my husband's slow improvement in helping with housework to see if anyone is able to offer further hope for the future.

I was just thinking about laundry shows how riveting my life is

So in the first year of our marriage, when I asked Mr LemonDrizzleCake to help more with the laundry, he started putting the majority rather than the minority of his washing into the washing basket, as opposed to leaving it on the floor.

In the second year of marriage, the same request resulted in him starting to put loads of washing into the machine and starting a cycle. But not actually taking it out.

In the third year, a repeated plea for more help with the laundry yielded him discovering the ability to hang washing out on the airer after putting it through the machine.

In our fourth year of marriage, yet another discussion regarding laundry led to him discovering the ability to wash clothes, hang them on airer AND throw fold them into the washing basket again when dry.

Now into our fifth year of marriage my weekly laundry nag our periodic gentle discussion about laundry has helped him progress to putting clothes in the machine, taking them out and hanging them up, putting them in the basket once dry AND carrying the basket back upstairs.

With this stonking rate of evolution, I'm hopeful that in our sixth year of marriage he may manage to start putting the washing away afterwards.

Then maybe I could start working on other housetraining, such as how the bathroom does not self-clean, the hoover is not actually an independent being and important bits of paper sadly cannot self-file.

I'd love to hear others evolution stories!

OP posts:
CaptainHindsight · 19/12/2013 11:52

That sounds like hard work?

My husband is an adult, he didn't require any sort of training he just got on with it and we have lived together since we were 18!

Does it not piss you off?

Original poster
LemonDrizzleCake11 · 19/12/2013 11:56

In keeping with the glass half full approach to life, I instead view it as a challenge else yes it would enormously piss me off and it is frustrating that our child can seemingly learn quicker than him

OP posts:
Elletorro · 19/12/2013 11:57

We have been together 7 years and I sometimes get tantrums from dh still if I ask him to do any washing/cleaning. So I'm impressed.

I blame his mum she does all housework and will even start doing ours when she comes round. I pointedly don't get involved.

Shitballs · 19/12/2013 11:59

Good lord. I cannot believe you have spend six years trying to get him to do laundry...

Is he this slow in all areas of his life?

brusslesprout · 19/12/2013 12:00

Haha this made me chuckle. My bf is now at the point of putting his dirty laundry on top of the washing basket, but low and behold one day I actually saw him put a sock in there! I let him off as he let's me have control of the remote and doesn't complain about my mess haha!

JoinYourPlayfellows · 19/12/2013 12:00

"We have been together 7 years and I sometimes get tantrums from dh still if I ask him to do any washing/cleaning."

mind boggling

ElizabethBathory · 19/12/2013 12:02

Well - that is quite amazingly slow, but at least it's progress!

DH and I have been together for 10 years. In the beginning, he steadfastly believed bathrooms didn't need cleaning more than once a fortnight, despite the fact that it meant for week two the bathroom was entirely covered with (his) black hair Hmm Nowadays he gets annoyed by the tiny, unavoidable black marks on the cream carpet and regularly suggests cleaning out the fridge. And he does everything that needs doing round the house (as do I). I think it's a question of getting into the habit of doing jobs - then you start to see what needs doing.

PuppyMonkey · 19/12/2013 12:03

He sounds a bit of a knob end IMHO.

LTB.Wink

ElizabethBathory · 19/12/2013 12:04

I should say - there was a conversation after we'd moved in together that went along the lines of 'you can fuck off if you think I'm doing all the cleaning.'

temporary · 19/12/2013 12:07

You see, I think well done. Despite the glacial progress, it is nonetheless progress. If you have the stomach for it, then it shows you are not wasting your time.
My dp evolved for the better too, and I am now in a very good place in terms of fairly shared load.

tribpot · 19/12/2013 12:07

Have you tried asking him to do an entire load of laundry from start to finish? If yes, what does he say?

dashoflime · 19/12/2013 12:11

DH does the laundry by:

  1. massively overfilling the washer/drier
  2. Pulling out a load of (unsurprisingly) damp clothes
  3. Spreading them out over the bed to "air"

I come behind him, refill the drier in smaller batches, fold and put away. And grumble at him about it.

insomniacrisis · 19/12/2013 12:16

I got to my DH young and so had him nicely trained up by the time we got married. I think the problem arises when they have lived at home over the age of 18 and their mothers have kept doing everything for them. This is the reason why I insist my DS(4) puta all his own laundry in the basket and helps place the washing on the airer if he is about when I am doing it.

brusslesprout · 19/12/2013 12:18

I'm just glad it's not just me! Wink

Original poster
LemonDrizzleCake11 · 19/12/2013 12:21

Delighted to discover I'm not alone, and jealous to discover so many have such well pre-programmed to help partners! I honestly think that its probably a lot down to how much they were expected to help as children, and what they saw their own father doing.

As for asking for him to do an entire load from start to finish... that has essentially been the request each year, and his understanding of what is involved has progressed or what he thinks he can get away with denying knowledge of needing doing has lessened

OP posts:
brusslesprout · 19/12/2013 12:29

To be fair I never did washing until I moved out and I have ruined a fair few of mine and bf's clothes! I often overfill the machine and then wonder why the clothes are still dirty!

I think your training sounds like progress!

ElizabethBathory · 19/12/2013 12:30

I think it's also a to do with how lots of women - and some men - are conditioned to (over)value a perfect, clean and tidy house. I think there needs to be some meeting in the middle by both parties.

ElizabethBathory · 19/12/2013 12:31

that should have said *a bit to do with...

starsandunicorns · 19/12/2013 12:33

Mine doesnt put the wash on but does hang it to dry does use the tumble and sorts the clean dry washing ready to be put away hes brill with a mop he also carrys the shopping automaticly Smile

Joysmum · 19/12/2013 12:34

I think it's normal for things to progress if you have a marriage where you can communicate and each partner thinks the feelings of the other is important.

There are lots of things I find important and impact on my life, if hubby doesn't appreciate it, it's because I've not be effective enough in communicating it.

Then there are things that he is simply dhit at, never going to happen! I pick my battles to avoid these and work hard to let it go over my head and these things are mine to deal with if I want them adhered to.

Then there are the tasks he's perfectly capable of, can't be arsed to do but finds them important. That's where the annoyances lie and the battle lines get drawn. I'd like to say we have reached perfection in all things but he dies puss me off. Of course I am safe in the knowledge that I puss him off too but long ago we reached the stage where nothing was too bad anymore but it did take time to evolve to reach that stage. Oh, and both of us can still occasionally be petty and know how to yank each others chain but not very often.

Elletorro · 19/12/2013 12:46

Hey join. Yup mind boggling it is. Impact is that his clothes don't get washed v often and his bathroom is horrible. His choice. But I do tell him off if he wears smelly shirts...luckily for he's got lots of shirts, socks and pants.

He will learn...but it's coming slowly.

Luckily I love him!

whatdoesittake48 · 19/12/2013 15:24

i don't want to come across as a stick in the mud - but pleease... i really hate this attitude that men are so incapable we have to train them to do things. it is bullshit.

They are just as capable, but choose not to do things, because we do it for them. or because they don't see it as important.

They are grown ups, not little children and if you treat your husband like a child you probably get a child as a husband...

Marriages are about sharing responsibility and if your husband is unable to share in household tasks in a way which is suitable for your marital set-up, then you need to have a serious talk with him. not play games aimed at getting him to get his socks from the bedroom floor to the washing machine!

Geez! i am hoping this was tongue in cheek.

PeresteckBalveda · 19/12/2013 15:39

So what happens when it's the woman in the relationship who is unevolved in household matters? Noteworthy much?

ElizabethBathory · 19/12/2013 15:44

What do you mean Peresteck? Obviously if it's the woman who's shit round the house and the man is doing everything, then the woman should pull her weight. But as I said above - if one of you is a clean freak and the other a slob, there should be some meeting in the middle. Trying to force the person you live with to do jobs your way or not at all is not fair, or likely to be successful.

MistleToastyStoHoHoat · 19/12/2013 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.