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Why are so many people up at this hour ?

(1000 Posts)
SummerDad Sun 27-Jan-13 01:25:39

Just wondering ...

Lostonthemoors Tue 19-Feb-13 04:22:41

Cafecito thank you and couldn't agree more about grief. Once had a student desperately sad about her father dying suddenly. The head of our Uni department (uncaring type) basically told her she should be over it sad

I think lavender stethoscope smile

cafecito Tue 19-Feb-13 04:22:42

I read the tibetan book of the dead.. I think if you experience profound loss it forces you to reexamine your own beliefs about everything, and I found that a lot of buddhist teachings are really what I believe, there's a lot of wisdom in it

cafecito Tue 19-Feb-13 04:23:30

ooh, lavender - nice, soothing, quite clinical colour.. hmm.. hadn't thought of lavender! thanks lost!

Lostonthemoors Tue 19-Feb-13 04:25:28

I do think sometimes people want to say the right thing but don't want to get it wrong, so say nothing at all - I have definitely done this in the past to my shame blush

Now I have more experience of loss I know more how to deal with others' grief. Oddly enough my mc a few years ago has really helped me to reach out to others who have been bereaved.

cafecito Tue 19-Feb-13 04:30:32

I think saying nothing can be very hurtful at the time to the bereaved, as if their loss is contagious or something - further isolating them at the worst possible time but it is probably preferable to saying really hurtful or heartless stupid things smile it's so hard I guess, if you haven't experienced it, to know what to say. Even if you have, it's hard to now what to say, but you just tend to 'know' better than most that sometimes you don't need words at all, just a look, or a hug, or a kind gesture- can mean so much more than a polite 'sorry' etc <rambles... 4am style.. apologies> grin

cafecito Tue 19-Feb-13 04:32:36

do you feel comfortable reaching out to others though, lost? I have been through a heck of a lot of bereavement and I almost feel like I should reach out to others, and help them - but then actually, I can't really do it, I find it far too draining, I hate it and I disappear (feeling bad about one person, who I said I'd meet for a coffee back in december...)

Lostonthemoors Tue 19-Feb-13 04:33:09

I agree! Just saying I am so sorry you have lost him/her and sending a proper sympathy card is better than awkward shuffling/avoiding.

DS suddenly sleeping - yay smile going to try and drop off too.

Lostonthemoors Tue 19-Feb-13 04:35:24

Cafe sorry x posted-I do feel able to reach out, but only now because I am in a better place myself iyswim. I think I sometimes get compassion fatigue though as I seem to attract people who need me - I imagine you get a lot of being needed at work as it is.

Lostonthemoors Tue 19-Feb-13 04:35:55

Sleep well all if you can - logging off now.

cafecito Tue 19-Feb-13 04:37:24

kind of a lavendery-blue

cafecito Tue 19-Feb-13 04:39:53

yay for DS sleeping, good sleep lost - yeah just a card, is something many people don't bother with, which is rather shocking really. I think any action is better than nothing, unless it's a really hurtful comment, at least it should be taken in the way it is meant.

oooh., lilac scrubs...

BuddhaBelly Tue 19-Feb-13 16:47:13

Thanks for the concern about ds ladies apologies for not getting back sooner, he's much better. Quite used to high temps as he had many many ear infections before he had grommets fitted. All good now, they bounce back much better than us wink
Hope everyone else has got more sleep? X

BuddhaBelly Tue 19-Feb-13 16:49:10

Jy Sorry for your loss, grief affects people differently and there's no set agenda to coping, be kind to yourself

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Tue 19-Feb-13 21:23:37

Well I feel even worse now about my auntie and how I failed her. I did send a card and had a mass said for my uncle and phoned a few times but it was made clear that she didn't want to speak to anyone.

I wasn't uncaring. honestly. I just got flummoxed when I saw her recently. It was at a party and I lost confidence in myself with how to deal with it whether to bring it up or not. sad I wish is dealt with it better but it certainly wasn't because I didn't care.

cafecito Wed 20-Feb-13 00:29:17

sorry didn't mean to make anyone feel bad kitty. I think when it's a loss as profound as her DH kitty, it's never too late. If she didn't want to speak at the time, you did the right thing by not forcing the issue. But it's such a loss, that people will assume she is fine as time has gone by and actually, she may be hurting more now than before. You don't just get over such a thing, so if you are able to send her a little card in the post saying you are always free to talk if she needs it, or something like that, it would be 100x what anyone else has done (if you feel comfortable doing that, that is)

SummerDad Wed 20-Feb-13 00:54:03

hey night birds just logging in for tonight, going to be a long night I guess smile How are you dr cafe smile

cafecito Wed 20-Feb-13 01:25:06

Hi SummerDad- I'm going through boxes of files looking for a very important document for tomorrow, that I no longer seem to have... feeling chocolate remorse (have eaten way too much junk the past few days) and am nowhere remotely near sleepy. might be all night awakeness as have to be there by 8.30am and can't be late. eurgh

cafecito Wed 20-Feb-13 01:25:32

how are you? hope lots of people are sleeping tonight!

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Wed 20-Feb-13 01:48:30

awake with daughter. throat really sore again. painkiller fail for some reason. also think I've got conjunctivitis. feeling low. sad

cafecito Wed 20-Feb-13 01:50:56

thanks for kitty

you sound really run down sad

cafecito Wed 20-Feb-13 01:51:55

are you having lots of fresh fruit and juice and things in the day? <useless medical advice>

SummerDad Wed 20-Feb-13 01:56:02

Oh dear Kitty tonsillitis is a real pain, the only way for me to be away from it is to avoid all the cold drinks etc. I cant remember when did I had a chilled drink or water. I am not a medical doctor but sometimes changing the painkiller might work I guess. It might sound weird but gargles with Lysterene mouth wash works wonders and desensitizes the infected tonsils for me.

cafecito Wed 20-Feb-13 01:58:22

fizzy lime + ibuprofen

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Wed 20-Feb-13 01:58:46

not at the moment because it hurts so much to eat sad

usually i eat lots of fresh fruit and veg and salad crops and drink plenty of water.

SummerDad Wed 20-Feb-13 01:59:09

cafecito you are super fast smile.

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