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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

On Saturday I arrived home early to find DH watching...

62 replies

FannyPriceless · 13/06/2011 17:13

... motorsport!! I still can't believe that I found him watching this. In all the years that I have known him I would have sworn he simply wasn't into it and would never do this.

I feel as though I don't really know him at all. What is going on?

OP posts:

Report

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 13/06/2011 17:14

He is obviously having an EA with motorsport (the hussy) and you have now got your proof..

Throw him out and change the locks at once. The Bastard.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

TeamDamon · 13/06/2011 17:17

Leave him. Motorsport would be a deal-breaker for me, I'm afraid.

chris123456 · 13/06/2011 17:21

Was it in HD?

Anniegetyourgun · 13/06/2011 17:24

How dreadful, but I don't know how people can just say throw him out. I mean, maybe he can't help it, and if he's otherwise a decent husband and father it's worth trying to work through things. Did his parents watch motorsport when he was young? Would he consider therapy?

Chris, I can't believe you would ask such an insensitive question.

chris123456 · 13/06/2011 17:26

I used to be able to fight the temptation - until they started broadcasting in HD - you can see everything and it just got too much for me

SuePurblybilt · 13/06/2011 17:26

It's nt just motorsport though is it? It's the millions of innocent victims of motorsport.
Leave the bastard.

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 13/06/2011 17:27

Chris - you need help. You need to go to counselling. There's a five gear programme at Motorsports Anonymous you might find helpful. I'll pm you the details.

boysrock · 13/06/2011 17:28

tis the slippery slope.

Before you know it your weekends will be taken up attending such events.

Hassled · 13/06/2011 17:29

I've learnt to tolerate the motorsport. I feel it's better we face it together - otherwise he'll only watch it when I'm in bed and there's something a bit, well, seedy about that, isn't there? And yes, of course we've talked about how much those poor bastard tyres have to go through - he's still not prepared to stop watching.

TeamDamon · 13/06/2011 17:30

Exactly! It's all very well saying 'Oh, well there are people who choose to take part in motorsport' but what about those who are forced to take part? Bet your DH doesn't think about them when he's watching, does he?

SuePurblybilt · 13/06/2011 17:32

won't somebody think of the planet?

FannyPriceless · 13/06/2011 17:35

He looked so ashamed when I caught him. Do you think it was just the once? Maybe just to see what it was like?

He clearly doesn't want to talk about what happened and I'm a bit worried.

OP posts:

Paschaelina · 13/06/2011 17:36

I am a motorsport widow . You have to give him an ultimatum - it's you or the engines. It's the only way.

FannyPriceless · 13/06/2011 17:41

If I know him at all (which, obviously, I am questioning) I would imagine he hates himself inside for doing this. I just don't know if I can go on knowing that this is part of his life. I feel quite dirty.

I should add that he is otherwise a wonderful husband and father. But this is such a terrible betrayal.

OP posts:

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 13/06/2011 17:43

If he's watching in secret, then it's a problem. And I'll guarantee it wasn't his first time either - they all say that, its an addicition.

Have you had yourself tested for any oil residue? I know it's a chilling thought but he may have infected you.

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 13/06/2011 17:45

You need to get yourself tested for CAR-mydia, GONETOOFASTarrhea, Acquired Engine Deficiency Syndrome, and SHITTHATWASFASTyliis as a bare minimum.

Anniegetyourgun · 13/06/2011 17:45

Fanny, you do realise that a husband's motorsport is nothing to do with his wife as a person, don't you? It's something inside him that makes him do this. Possibly something in his past. You didn't make him do it and unfortunately, although you can physically wrest the remote control from him, you can't make him want to stop.

Get him into therapy, honestly. His employer may offer free sessions, worth checking out. But you can't just brush this under the carpet. This is a good man who is suffering, and of course it can't help but impact on the rest of the family. Suppose the children came in unexpectedly and saw it? Can you take that risk?

If I seem a little invested in the subject, I confess, my sister is also into Motorsport. She is a dear, caring soul and I hate to see this happen to her but there's nothing I can do until she decides to seek help.

CrapolaDeVille · 13/06/2011 17:47

I can only think you must be naive to think that he can be a wonderful husband and father whilst watching this planet eating scum. What sort of message is this sending your children? They are so perceptive and will know that when they're safe in bed he's listening to the roar of the engines and imagining the chicane.

I know some women watch too but until some are driven by women it will remain gas guzzling crap for me.

Are you okay OP? Do you have someone in RL to talk to?

Paschaelina · 13/06/2011 17:48

He doesn't come home with unexplained oilstains on his collar does he? Or have an online subscription to Demon Tweeks or Short Circuit?

TheFlyingOnion · 13/06/2011 17:51

Motorsport! I am

Have a unMN

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 13/06/2011 17:54

OP if you do decide to save this relationship, he will have to answer each and every one of your questions fully and frankly. And you will have many many questions.

For the meantime, be kind to yourself, make sure you have good support in place for yourself and your DC's. What age are the DC's? Are they old enough to know what is going on?

TeamDamon · 13/06/2011 17:55

OP, when you and he are driving somewhere, do you worry that he's

thinking about other cars?

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ShowOfHands · 13/06/2011 17:55

This is going to sound radical and I don't want you to be too shocked by the suggestion but...

Some couples do watch it together. I know, I know, it sounds like madness and giving in to the depravity. But for some couples it works. Some women even like to join in, perhaps scoot around the floor making brum brum noises. Sometimes you just have to accept that this is part of him and try and make it part of your marriage.

But if you really can't face it then talk to a rl friend about it. They will won't judge.

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 13/06/2011 17:56

Has he planted Pampas Grass in your front garden recently?

Omigawd · 13/06/2011 17:56

Shocking - next thing he will want you to dress up in oil stained overalls and make you fiddle with his big end. How come he can't watch porn like any other self-respecting male NCP b*stard.

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