You don't know how lucky you are to have people who listen until they're gone.

[EternalCynic]

It has just occurred to me how indescribably wonderful organisations like the Samaritans and Women's Aid are. To be able to call someone and just have them listen to you...I can't praise it enough. I am currently feeling absolutely suicidal and have no one to call (don't worry, I've never been brave enough to actually go through with it). I don't even know why i'm posting this, just need to get it out I suppose. And to encourage others who perhaps may hesitate to call them...please do, you are so lucky to have access to such wonderful people. Sorry for the little rant folks, i hope you'll not mind as I genuinely don't know what else to do other than type this on Facebook and let all my friends know what a freak I am.

[whatkatydidathome]

why are you feeling suicidal?

[TDaDa]

I agree about Sam and WA...also MN. Do you have anyone with you?

[JamieLeeCurtis]

So sorry. You are obviously missing someone very much.

I think your encouragement to call these charities is really great.

[EternalCynic]

Sorry I didn't explain at all did I? H has gone out yet again to get drunk and meet women, he refuses to tell me where he is or where he's going. He's taken the car and last time he didn't get home until the next day so I don't know how i'll get to work. I spent all the money in my account on food, living expenses etc and he's taken his bank card so i don't even have money for a taxi. There is no water in the house because he sat home all day yet again and didn't bother to buy any, we can't drink the tap water in this country i'm in so i am so thirsty. I called him to ask when he's coming home, and to please bring water and bring the car so i can get to work and he told me to fuck off. He said that he is from now on going to treat me like shit, those were his words. If he thinks he's been ok till now, i hate to think what treating me like shit means to him. I cant say much because he'll hit me. Last time he smacked me in the eye and it was awful. He knows i can't do anything now as no money, and can't go anywhere as have so few friends, and even if i did he could call the police (here a woman has to obey her husband, even if they are Brits or whatever). I just can't take any more. People are being made redundant every day now at work, i can't handle the stress of that and now this. I'm meant to be up for work in a few hours and i'm just so exhausted but can't sleep. Not being alive right now sounds very appealing if you know what i mean. I just want all of this shit to disappear. Sorry again, i know people have worse to deal with.

[TDaDa]

Hi Eternal- my favourite music always lifts...I am a Prince fan. And you?

[JamieLeeCurtis]

Worse? Oh my goodness no.

[AnyFucker]

EC, please stay safe

you have DC, yes ? You need to stick around for them

you have family/friends in the UK, you and kids have British passports ?

then squirrel away every penny you can, and when you have anough, you come home

[CheerfulV]

You poor love. Do you have children with him? What is stopping you from leaving? x

[JamieLeeCurtis]

Can you speak to someone here in the UK?

[loves2walk]

You're not a freak at all. People who are your friends would not think that - they'd be upset to think how sad you must be. But I agree that posting personal stuff like that on Facebook is not a good idea.

It will pass - this awful feeling. Sounds like you're in a dark place right now, but you will come out of it and feel happy feelings again.

[EternalCynic]

No DC yet, just me and him. Well just me now really, except without the freedom to do what i want.

[Hassled]

I don't think there are many people on MN who have it much worse, tbh. I think what you're dealing with is pretty much as shit as it gets. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

You need to get out, pronto. Put as much of your salary each month aside as you can until you have the air fare back to the UK - do you have family who could help? Do you have kids?

[Rhinestone]

Which country are you in and are you British?

If you want practical help or want to get away from him can you contact the British Embassy / High Commission for consular assistance?

He hit you - that is a criminal offence in Britain even if it isn't where you are.

Look at this -

www.fco.gov.uk/en/travel-and-living-abroad/

[Hassled]

You don't have kids - well then, sod putting it aside. When do you get paid next? Is it enough for a single ticket?

[AnyFucker]

sorry, mixing you up with someone else

then I am confused

why can you not just get on a plane ?

women are allowed to travel, even in the awfullest misogynist countries in the world

or are you the lady tied to her cat, house and debts ?

[JamieLeeCurtis]

here's that link again

[AnyFucker]

"no DC yet"

please tell me that is a typo

[JamieLeeCurtis]

AF - she has no money

[loves2walk]

Just read your description EC how awful for you. Is there a british embassy anywhere nearby that you could phone for advice? Any family that could send you money to get you home?

[nemofish]

Sweets, how much worse could it be? How much worse could you feel? I don't think it gets much worse!

Can your local British Consulate help? You are a brit at risk, i think they have to help you - the laws of the country may not protect but british law does.

And fwiw I recently had a crisis and wanted to top myslef, death seemed so very seducative because the pain (well my pain at least) would stop. I went to my gp and cried my fucking eyes out and he got a mental health crisis team to contact me and visit me at home, i was prescribed anti anxiety medication and tehy got me to tell my husband how I felt and how low i was. I am so glad I told someone. My counselling appointments will start in 4 weeks and I am slowly getting stronger (no appetite, massive weightloss, tired, crying all the time, no energy to do anything or look after my daughter, just really really low and upset)

I posted on facebook that i felt suicidal, but was getting help and support and would get better given tiome. I had a huge amount of support and understanding and that did make me cry but in a good way. So you are not the only loser, we are both losers

Do you think you could contact the british consulate? You know life will only get better the further away you are from him?

[Rhinestone]

Particularly look at this -

www.fco.gov.uk/en/travel-and-living-abroad/when-things-go-wrong/

The embassy WILL help you - remember all those taxes you paid in the UK? Well this is why - now's the time to get help from the system you've paid in to.

[EternalCynic]

I did try to call a family member who knows a tiny bit of that is going on, but no answer. And really, i wouldn't want to say much anyway. It will just worry them and they can't actually do anything, so i'd feel quite selfish really to tell them. I'm trying to figure out what to do, am just so tired all the time i can't bear it. How can he say things like this, when i have given up so much to support him? I have supported him through so much, with pleasure, because i cared about him. And he just throws it back in my face the moment someone more attractive or 'fun' comes along. Yeah bloody right i'm not fun, because i work 10 hours a day trying to keep us afloat and get nothing back!

[AnyFucker]

EC...friends and family could send you money to get home

[Rhinestone]

EC - which country are you in? Tell me and I will look up the numbers / address of the embassy for you.

[AnyFucker]

Jamie...money can be acquired, even in a regime such as this

something is keeping you there, EC

what is it ?