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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Kind of swinging!!!

74 replies

nickname2 · 11/10/2010 09:56

My partner has recently itimated that he would like to fulfill a fantasy of having some oral connections IFYSWIM !! with another bloke. He swears hes not gay and I believe him he likes women too much!!

Anyway we had this discussion and I was kind of up for it, so that he wasnt missing out on anything he really wanted to try. I felt we could maybe meet a guy who was bi and they could do the oral stuff and I would watch etc. Hes adamant that he doesnt want penetrative sex with a bloke, just oral.

My question is... Is this going to open up a can of worms so to speak? Am I letting myself in for alot of trouble and heartach? Im sure I probably know the answer to this, but need some prospective from you guys please.

OP posts:

Report

BooBooGlass · 11/10/2010 09:58

And it's perspective, numpty.

nickname2 · 11/10/2010 10:01

Well thanks for that, and Im not a troll thankyou!!! God why do people assume the worst on here???

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lisad123isgoingcrazy · 11/10/2010 10:03

personally would neverdo it, but then im the sort that believes relationships should be between two people. Cant you just buy a strap on!

Lauriefairycake · 11/10/2010 10:05

Yeah you could be opening up a 'can of worms' as once you suck cock you can't go back

Are you ok with your dh being bi-sexual and not having a monogomous relationship any more?

If so, go for it.

Pixie83 · 11/10/2010 10:07

Um well do you really need to ask that question

muffymk · 11/10/2010 10:10

sorry however you dress it up he has gay tendencies

nickname2 · 11/10/2010 10:10

Yes I need to ask the question. I have no-one to talk to about this apart from my DP. Ive never been in this situation before and this is all very new to me.
whats with the biscuits???

OP posts:

nickname2 · 11/10/2010 10:12

I do think he has gay tendancies, but I dont think he wants all that. He just wants to experience something. Is that a crime and will it all end in tears? Thats what I want to know.

OP posts:

Unprune · 11/10/2010 10:12

'He swears he's not gay' - sorry but pmsl. It doesn't matter if he's a bit gay, but he could at least acknowledge it!

nickname2 · 11/10/2010 10:13

He acknowledges he has a feminine side and is curious.

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SheWillBeLoved · 11/10/2010 10:16

Is it a crime? No. Will it end in tears? Most definitely.

It won't stop at 'a bit of oral'. He'll get the taste for that (no pun intended) and will try to push it further and further.

Are you prepared for that? You can't be so naive as to go into this thinking it will stop after a bit of oral. You must know more will come of it, surely?

midnightexpress · 11/10/2010 10:16

It's very difficult to know if it'll end in tears, though isn't it? He's obviously curious, and it's great that he feels able to share that with you, IMO. However, if you go ahead, you need to be prepared for the possibility that he'll enjoy it and want to explore further/more frequently. If you're Ok with that then fine.

GeekOfTheWeek · 11/10/2010 10:17

Having a feminine side doen't mean he has to suck cock.

DeadlyNightShadeofViolet · 11/10/2010 10:19

It will all end it tears.

nickname2 · 11/10/2010 10:19

Yes I do think more will come of it, and that is obviously a worry and no im not naive. Im confused and dont know what to think. Obviously couples in relationships want to please each other and what goes on behind closed doors in that relationship is between those two people right? Ive not been in a relationship like this before where my P wants to experiment.

OP posts:

LadyGoneGaga · 11/10/2010 10:21

How would you feel if he wanted to have oral with another woman, because he had that fantasy? Prob not wild about the idea I presume - not really that different. It is like crossing a line, things will never be the same IMO.

LacyLeggins · 11/10/2010 10:22

lol geek!

i think tbh it would let to tears. if you go ahead and he enjoys it, he will want to do it again and maybe go further. are you ok with that too?

soory but i couldnt watch my dp suck another mans cock!!!

SheWillBeLoved · 11/10/2010 10:23

You don't have to watch him suck another blokes cock to 'please' him are you happy with it? Forgetting about pleasing him, would seeing him do this turn you on? You have to be sure it'll please you too on a sexual level, otherwise you'll probably never look at him in the same way again.

Lauriefairycake · 11/10/2010 10:25

Sucking cock is not 'exploring your feminine side' it's being homosexual or bi.

Get that 'straight'.

nickname2 · 11/10/2010 10:25

Shewillbeloved - yes I think it might turn me on. But how do I know? the thought intrigues me, I am curious.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 11/10/2010 10:26

Oh FFS Nickname, ignore the heteronormative bullshit. YOur P may well be bisexual, he';s definitely bi-curious. Most people are, to some extent, but we live in a heteronormative world which means that lots of people feel they dare not admit this to themselves.
Your P has been honest with you, so take the time to think about how you feel. For some women, the idea of two straight or straightish men doing things with each other is quite a turn on (just like the idea of two 'lesbians' is a turn on for some men).
If you feel you can accept his bi side, one of the safest ways to explore it is to go to a bi night at a swingers' club - whereabouts in the country are you? I might be able to recommend you somewhere.
Because in swingers' clubs, people know from the start that they are there for sex, not 'cheating' and everyone's generally sane and sorted.

nickname2 · 11/10/2010 10:27

So is one partner having an interest in bisexual bad in what should be percieved as a straight realtionship? Can the two go together?

OP posts:

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whinetime · 11/10/2010 10:27

Look, he wants to do and I think that ultimately he will. Whether he does that with you as his partner, is for you to decide.

But you have to be truly happy to be involved in order to give your consent. Do you really, really, want to see this interaction? Do you really, really condone it? Is this really, really what you want from a relationship?

If so, great - go ahead.

If not, then tell him so. He then has a choice - pursue this desire, but at the expense of your relationship. Or leave it as a fantasy (if he is able to do so)

nickname2 · 11/10/2010 10:27

So is one partner having an interest in bisexual bad in what should be percieved as a straight realtionship? Can the two go together?

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muffymk · 11/10/2010 10:28

say if you do invite another man over and it gets more intense would you be able to stop it goin to far (as in actual intercourse)

Who is picking the fella?

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