Wanting termination at 34

[Butterfly34]

I'm 34, almost 35. I thought I wanted to get pregnant. I am married with a supportive husband. I have no children. I am 9 weeks pregnant. For the past 5 weeks every day I have not wanted to be pregnant and have wanted to end it. I have had 2 sessions with a counsellor and still feel the same. My husband would like the baby but understands if I'm unable to go through with it and says he'll support me. I'm really keen for a termination but worry I might regret it and will my feelings for the pregnancy change? At the same time I wouldn't want to bring a child into the world feeling like this. I had a scan at 7 weeks and saw the heartbeat. I just cried because I wanted a miscarriage and pray for a miscarriage every day. Has anyone else felt like this?

Didn't want to read and run.
Do you know what's making you feel this way? Is it a fear of change etc?

Or is it just a feeling in your gut?
Was the pregnancy planned?

Could you perhaps be suffering from prenatal depression? A chat with your GP could help? It seems amiss that you wanted this before and so strongly don't now.

It's also really normal to be anxious about a pregnancy. Are there specific things that you're worried about or is it just a general feeling?

Https://www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/how-you-might-be-feeling/antenatal-or-prenatal-depression-signs-symptoms-and-support

What was the scan for? Xx

Do you genuinely not want a baby or are you scared of having a baby?

There's no shame in having a termination if that's what's best for you.

I felt terrible when I was pregnant with my planned second child. I got as far as being robed up for a termination than backed out as I couldn't quite do it. I don't have any advice but I know the exact feeling of fear . I think I had pre natal depression and I had a lot of counselling for the rest of the pregnancy. That baby is 4 and a half now and I'm so glad he's part of the family I adore him.
Theres nothing wrong with termination if you don't want your baby but I would urge a bit more counselling to try and pick apart the fear you are feeling before you do it.

@lcarmichael surely adoption is changing her mind just as much as termination is?

She's already found herself wishing for a miscarriage. There's no sense in saying that termination is 'death'.

She's also 9 weeks pregnant. It's not a child, it's a foetus.

I can't understand why you'd suggest adoption would be better for anyone.
OP, who doesn't want to be pregnant.
DH, who'd support her through it all then have to give his child away.
Their family and friends, many of whom just wouldn't understand.
The (potential) child, who would grow up and at some point find out he/she was adopted.
Then what would happen if they wanted to find OP or DH?

It's fine to have your views but please berate women in the pregnancy choices topic if you don't have any helpful input.

@lcarmichael I'm not encouraging her to have a termination. I've asked her why she thinks she wants it.

By the sounds of things I'm much more qualified than you are with your preaching and nasty judgments.

If you went ahead with a termination would your relationship survive.

I am presuming if you go ahead with an abortion you don’t actually want children

By the sounds of it your dh wants children.

I think you need to think of the consequences of your decision

Wow @lcarmichael. Tone down the pro life aggression will you.

Trying to shame the OP in to carrying this foetus to full term is low.

If she so chooses to then that is fine. And if she chooses to terminate then that is fine too. Whichever way, she has a choice because bodily autonomy.

Unless of course you promise now to pay for all child costs relating to the adoption you seem so hell bent on? No? Didn't think so.

Not your body, stop being a dickhead.

Shame on the poster trying to turn this thread into a pro life rant. I’ve reported you.

OP, if you have seen a counsellor, your husband is supportive and you can’t see a way forward with this pregnancy, you do not have to go through with it.
Has the counsellor helped you shed any light on why you feel this way, though? I think it would be helpful for you to have some understanding about this before you move forward.
Best wishes .

@lcarmichael calm the fuck down with your preachy ways.

This isn't for YOU to decide or guilt someone into. Take your emotive words and stick them somewhere else

OP I felt like this with dc2, I had prenatal depression and from about 6 weeks in I was just so down about the pregnancy even though it was much wanted and I'd suffered 2 mc beforehand.

The second dc2 was born the depression lifted and that was it.

Go speak with your GP because it could be something like this, or that now you are pregnant you realise you don't want DC.

I'm sorry, I can't give advice from personal experience but it is completely your choice and yay need to do what best for you and to some extent your DH and relationship .

I have to agree with Oliversmumsarmy. If your DH wants the baby, but would support you through a termination, how long would your relationship last after that the termination ?

Good luck in whatever you decide

Ignore @lcarmichael as they've clearly sought out pregnancy choices to start an argument.

I agree with PP did your counselling shed any light on why the change of heart? If there a particular thing you're worried/afraid of? At the end of the day you need to what's best for you but be as sure as you can be that you're making the right decision.

@ lcarmichael Shocking behaviour. I’ve also reported you.

Fuck off with your pro-life preaching. You may as well hold up pro-life banners outside of a BPAS clinic.

Bodily autonomy is the only thing that matters. Not her DH's opinion, not the foetus. Just the OP and what happens to her body.

I wonder if you’re worrying and over thinking things. There’s so much press about pregnancy and all the negatives. Your size, sickness, stretch marks. The birth the pain, all the horrible stories you hear.

Separate your feelings, do you not want to be a mother, or do you not want to be pregnant? Because weirdly I wanted to be a mother but didn’t want to be pregnant. I found it very hard, and scary. So glad I got through it, and now it’s just a memory. I love my dd. I’m unlikely to have anymore children naturally because I don’t like being pregnant. Not sure if this is helpful but mull it over. Good luck with whatever course of action you take. It’s completely your choice.

When I look into my dds big eyes full of love I know I made the right choice and couldn’t be happier 🥰