Baby On Board badges and public transport

[S1mmy]

Although these badges are more common for London commuters I'm sure you can all relate...

I started my pregnancy naively thinking that commuters always notice a badge and everyone would be gracious enough to offer their seat to a pregnant woman. I think whether you are suffering morning sickness at 8 weeks or nearly due at 36 weeks and tired, you are still pregnant and need a seat. Although it's not a right, it's just kindness.

Having been on public transport for the past four weeks with my badge and having a 90 min commute, I have been offered a seat very few times, women pushed past to grab the last seat, people stare at their phones, pretend to be asleep or just blatantly stare at me. It doesn't matter what type of person, young people, tourists, and the many Polish and Indian people that travel my tubeline the lack of kindness has shocked me no end. I have lost faith in humankind, people are just too selfish now.

[Loiterer]

You have to ask I'm afraid. I haven't worn a badge since the weather got warm enough not to need a coat and found it makes no difference. If you need to sit you just have to ask.

Now people refusing to give up their seat to a pregnant person, or someone in more need than they are, is I think terrible but it's not something I've seen/ experienced myself. I've heard on here it does happen though.

[ovumahead]

This happens to me at WORK and everyone there knows I'm pregnant! People are twerps. You just have to ask. Or move towards them looking like you're going to puke!

[MistressKatherine]

I have to say I have had the opposite experience. People have immediately got up for me when in priority seats and ticket collectors have been very quick to point out any information which may help me without even asking. I've been lucky.

Unfortunately I think you're going to have to be pushy and ask people. Many people are God damn rude (we've all done it at some point let's be honest) but I think very few would ignore your plea for help. Should you have to ask? No. But should you? Absolutely. Hope it gets better for you.

[Orangeisthenewbanana]

My sister's pregnant friend was once told by a complete bitch woman she asked to give up her seat that getting pregnant was "a lifestyle choice" but she NEEDED to wear high heels for work, so she needed the seat more .

I was offered a seat a couple of times but fortunately had an easy pregnancy/short commute so never felt I needed to ask. To my embarrassment, I had my nose buried in my Kindle one day when I looked up to check the station, and almost headbutted the pregnant lady standing above me in the bump . I was mortified and offered my seat faster than if it was on fire, but I genuinely hadn't spotted her. It does happen. More often, people are just pricks however.

[Raffertys]

I'm a hardened Home Counties-London commuter (2 hours each way, each day). The sad fact is, a lot of people don't give two shits if you're pregnant and may need a seat. A lot of people do care, but never count on someone offering. You will save yourself a lot of stress by asking for a seat if you need one - people usually respond to a firm but polite "Excuse me, would you / someone mind giving up your seat for me as I'm pregnant and not feeling well / need to sit down". learned this the hard way in my last pregnancy

That said, I'll never forget the chap who, during a snow nightmare when the trains out of Waterloo were totally fucked, saw me getting bashed about on a heaving train and marched up to the nearest sitting man and asked told him to give his seat up for me.

[MissTwister]

I've worn one for 20 weeks now and find I'm almost always offered a seat. Very rare not to be. People that push past normally come from behind and don't see the badge - just huff a bit and look sad!

Which lines are you travelling on?

[chocolateyay]

In all my years in London I have been offered a seat (drum roll) .... once, and that was by a pregnant woman when I had migraine and looked like I was about to die.

I was very very lucky when I was pregnant that I didn't get sick or tired and happily worked up to the day I gave birth.

[RiverTam]

what the hell has people being Polish or Indian have to do with it? How do you know they're Polish or Indian (rather than, I don't know, Romanian or Bangladeshi, or even, y'know, British)?

In answer to your question, yes, it is a bit crap, but then lots of people probably won't be feeling great for one reason or another, and want a seat, and it may not be obvious why. Some are oblivious and simply don't see you, or anyone else (I think this is most likely, when I used to commute I was always zonked and would hardly have noticed if Benedict Cumberbatch danced naked in front of me).

My favourite time was when a group of teenaged boys got very aerated on my behalf and insisted that someone get up and give me a seat. I was only going a couple of stops so wasn't bothered but I was very touched by their kindness .

If you really need a seat then politely ask.

[Whiteshirt]

I'm another Londoner who had the opposite experience. I usually wore the badge by the last trimester, though not always, but I don't think I had to actually ask for a seat more than twice in my entire pregnancy, and then it was just people reading or zoning out in the rush hour, not active rudeness. Mostly on the Piccadilly/Victoria Line.

[JassyRadlett]

I'm finding a marked difference this pregnancy than with DS1 four years ago. Same train line, same times of day.

My favourites are the ones who glance up, clearly clock the badge and then bury their noses firmly in their phone/paper for the remainder of the journey.

I find the ones most likely to get up are tough-looking young blokes in their late teens and early 20s. Least likely: City folk in their 40s.

[daluze]

I think in most cases people don't notice. They read/are on phones or tablets/sleep/etc. During my first pregnancy I was quite shy and often had to stand during long commute. Second time round I cared less and would ask if I felt I needed to sit down.
I did have a couple of bad experiences, notably being shouted on by a woman for just wearing a badge, but she was some crazy lady not happy with life generally, I think. These were exceptions rather than rule.

[Raffertys]

Bang on with the types there, jassy.

[purplemunkey]

I wore my badge as soon as I'd told work, so from about 4 months I think. There were a few times no one offered but on the whole I got a seat more often than not. A lot of the time people genuinely don't notice you what with phones, books, kindled, ipads, newspapers or just can't see through the crowd. I did experience a few blatant seat grabbers though.

It seems to be really hit and miss! I was on district & circle lines plus southeastern services if that makes any difference.

[LadyStark]

I've had the opposite experience too, commute from Surrey and most mornings I get a seat as soon as I get on.

On the odd occasion I haven't then someone else has usually piped up and said something to draw attention to the fact that I might need one.

I think people are on the whole pretty good although I have noticed that young women and older men 45+ are the worst. I have made it a game to keep a tally of who offers!

[freelancegirl]

I've had the opposite experience too -always been offered a seat when wearing the badge and, when visibly pregnant, not wearing it. In two pregnancies I've only had to ask for a seat once and I'm pretty sure the chap I asked didnt notice me. So please don't lose faith in people, you have probably just been unlucky. I would definitely ask though.

[S1mmy]

There's no discrimination. As I've said, it's any type of commuter. But, yes, mostly Polish, Romanians and Indian people, and tourists travel my line, so I will mention them. Alongside the old people, young people, men and women.

people say women are more likely to give up a seat to another woman, but it generally doesn't happen. Or not in my experience. I have had people blatantly stare at me through out my commute and nothing.

IM a bit hardened to it now, if I want a seat then I'll ask. But it makes me sad thAt people are just lacking an instinctive kindness now. We all read about people coming together to push buses off trapped cyclists, crowd-funding for disabled mugging victims etc but common curtesy and kindness is disappearing with modern manners. No one says Excuse me anymore, they just barge past......

The incidences where people are refused seats when they politely ask is another matter and gets my blood boiling though...... My 30 week pregnant friend asked a guy to move his bag from the empty seat and he refused, she asked again, he refused so she had to stand next to him on a crowded train all the way into work. she arrived into work, in tears and tired.

[Whiskwarrior]

Three pregnancies, buses throughout, offered a seat twice, once by an elderly lady. I declined.

I didn't have a badge though. I didn't know there were badges!

[Whiskwarrior]

What does ethnicity have to do with it???

Just say 'people'. Where they come from has no bearing.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

If I'd been on a train where anyone had refused to move his bag for whatever reason I would have weighed in on your friend's side! I think (easy to say this when it's only theoretical I suppose) that if he'd persisted in refusing I'd have rung the British Transport Police or attempted to get a member of staff to come and speak to him. I put them in that order because on a crowded Tube or commuter train the chances of finding a member of staff are not high.

[PassTheCremeEggs]

I think what actually would be selfish is if they refused when you asked for a seat. If you want a seat then just ask - 99.9% will willingly stand up. I don't get this thing where people stand seething and glaring daggers at people - why do you need to wait for someone to offer? I've had two babies in London and if someone didn't offer and I really felt I needed a seat I would ask, never did anyone refuse. Don't underestimate how in their own zone people are at the end of a long day!

[DefinitelyNotElsa]

I don't think people's ethnicity or nationality has anything to do with seats. I travel daily on a train line that serves an airport and am regularly offered a seat by people from all over the world.

Tonight I had a hellish commute home - trains were rerouted through a different station and were severely delayed. The trains were rammed and baking hot. I couldn't have reached a seat to ask to sit in it if I'd wanted to! Thankfully, a very kind lady made a bilingual plea for a seat for means insisted I sat down.

Most people are lovely when they have a chance to show it.

[lordsandladies]

I was generally offered a seat all bar one hellish journey where i was stood on tube then commuter train for over 2 hours.

But yes generally was always offered a seat. In fact on one memorable occasion I was offered a seat loudly by a lovely old couple. Only I'd had DD3 6 months before .

They were being kind though so I just took the seat, tried to think pregnant thoughts and binned that particular dress as soon as I got home

[sianihedgehog]

I have been offered a seat several times. I've not needed one enough to ask, but I have had one arsehole on the tram in Croydon shove past not just me, but also the young lad who was stopping his mate sitting in the last seat while saying "mate, she's pregnant!" to sit in that last seat like a shithead. I stared daggers at him then fell on him at the first stop.

[sianihedgehog]

I just sit on bags. They usually get moved pretty swiftly.

[TitusAndromedon]

OP, I'm sorry you've had negative experiences, but I hate it when people make dramatic sweeping statements about the state of the world and the supposed lack of basic human decency. Yes, some people are assholes. Some people will have had really terrible, exhausting days and are desperate to just get on their train to get home. Some people may have small children keeping them up all night, leaving them in an oblivious daze. Some people might have emotional baggage and stress that they are far more focused on than your badge or belly. Your pregnancy feels really obvious to you, but others probably don't notice because it just isn't something that appears on their radar. If you feel the need to sit down, just smile and ask politely for a seat. Don't make generalisations about how awful everyone is. If you look for that, they'll prove you right.