Do I add his name ?

[Cheshirehello79]

Help Please . I'm 13 weeks pregs . Dumped my ex only to find out 3 days later that I'm pregnant. I didn't want get back to him as I've been on failed marriage before and didn't feel he was the right guy for me after dating 3 months. Anyways told him that I'm pregnant he came to talk did think of the idea of getting back but I changed my mind as the spark was gone. The first thing he said to me was I'm I going to get rid as we are not together! That still hurts till today as feel like my child has been rejected before her/ his life has even started. I decided to keep the baby and he went along with it saying he was there if need him from 3 weeks when I found out to 7 weeks he never texted me once to see how I was - I had to text him to give him any updates . Anyways had spotting at 7 weeks which I was quite concerned as its my first pregnancy and all I got from him was hope both of you are ok then blank again . I decided that I'm not going to invite him to any scans or nothing and just do it without him really . My question is - when I do have the baby - I don't want to put his name on the birth certificate - I feel like living it blank but will tell the child about him and make the child decide if they want to know him but what I was going to do is put his surname as the child's second name . So baby name - his name and my surname. This will make life easy for me that he hasn't got parental powers as I know sometimes that can go quite nasty ! Do you think I'm being reasonable ?

[ejclementine]

Not really, sorry. The child won't be old enough to make a decision like that for a few years. It's your responsibility as parents to look after their best interests. I think you need to discuss with him how involved he wants to be before making those kind of decisions.

[WinterOfOurDiscountTents15]

No. You need to stop thinking about what you want and need and start thinking about what your child needs and deserves. Put the father on the birth cert, organise proper child support and visitation, and put the child first. They deserve two parents where possible.

He will have parental powers anyway, no matter what name the child has.

[NerrSnerr]

It will be too late if you wait until the child's old enough. He might be twattish and not have anything to do with the child but you have to give him the chance to do the right thing for the sake of the child. He could end up being a great dad.

[Cheshirehello79]

Thanks for the replies - the problem is the last time I texted him to say I can't believe you've not texted me once to find out how we are both doing ... He thought I was being unreasonable and just sent one reply - goodbye - surely that speaks volume that he doesn't care ?

[Stinkersmum]

If your not married and he doesn't turn up to register the birth with you, you can't name him as the father anyway.

[ejclementine]

It doesn't - he might not know how often to contact you or whether you want to hear from him. There isn't a lot he can do at the moment - he won't know about your appointments etc unless you tell him. What do you want fromh at this early stage?

[Cheshirehello79]

I don't want anything from him - he can't support us or the baby financially anyway - he made that quite clear. I did invite him for my 12 weeks scan but then changed my mind as he was never in touch and thought seeing him after 6 weeks of no contact might make it stress full for me and rise my blood pressures- so I cancelled him. My thoughts are if he wants to be there then he needs to make an effort to contact and check how we are doing but no contact and just want to attend the fancy bits like scans etc - that doesn't go down well with me ! Well as I said when I told him he needs to make an effort to contact me and see how I'm doing etc that's when he thought I'm having a go and just said goodbye. It's sad as I went for my 12 weeks app and as I had spoting at 7 weeks I had a scan and did send him a picture but 12 weeks one I though he doesn't deserve nothing . I don't know what to do ....

[OneLittleManOneInOven]

Gosh how many updates can there be from week 3 to 7. Give the guy a chance, very unreasonable

[Cheshirehello79]

I'm 13 .5 weeks now and no contact .... Do you think that's unreasonable ... Does that mean I should be the one making an effort to contact him ?

[Justusemyname]

Wow. Normally posts are all give the baby your surname and don't put him on the birth certificate.

[Pandoraperoxide]

As a product of a similar beginning please do put his name on the birth certificate but by all means don't give the child his surname. I know who my biological father is but he's not on my birth certificate, we don't have a relationship, never have, but I am now pregnant and for the sake of 'family' tree queries as an adult and having that documented connection it would have been nice to have his name on my birth certificate ... Even so I could make enquiries about medical history which I know nothing about...

[Cheshirehello79]

What ate you saying justness my name ?

[Superworm]

Don't put him on the birth certificate and give the baby your surname. He's behaving appallingly. Do you have other support?

[Cheshirehello79]

I've got my family and very close friends who gave been amazing - I've got 12 weeks scan picture and not even sure if I should share it ...

[Cheshirehello79]

The thing is I've actually bought a book which I'm going to add pictures for the baby of the dad and I've got his baby pictures too that I'm going to share with the baby so I'm not going to block him completely - I'll tell the child everything it's just the fact that he's not interested whilst I'm going through the pregnancy then sod it !

[Pandoraperoxide]

Putting the biological father on the birth certificate should not be waved about like a punishment or reward for 'behaviour' please think of the child, the baby won't give a toss but the teenager and the adult child will have questions and will care about their beginnings.

[Superworm]

I wouldn't. I would wait for him to contact you. Dont chase him into being a part of it or to take responsibility. Plus it's more stressful for you trying to factor him in or if he doesn't reply you feel shit.

He's an adult, he knows the situation and is being a wanker. Sound like you will be much better off on your own. Pleased that you have good support, that's all you need really.

[Cheshirehello79]

The child will have the dads surname as second name but not as surname. As I said by adding his name as father on birth certificate gives him full parental rights and if he becomes difficult I'm doomed - I've researched it and dads name can be added at later date at any time

[Alanna1]

Personally, I wouldn't give the baby his surname, but yours. It can be a lot of hassle later to travel etc if the baby doesnt have your name. I wouldn't update him regularly any more. I wouldn't offer to put him on the birth certificate, but if he asked, I'd invite him to accompany me at a time that suited me.

[TheUnwillingNarcheska]

You cannot put his name on the birth certificate without him being with you as you are unmarried - from Gov.uk

Unmarried parents
The details of both parents can be included on the birth certificate if they do one of the following:

sign the birth register together

one parent completes a statutory declaration of parentage form and the other takes the signed form to register the birth

one parent goes to register the birth with a document from the court (for example, a court order) giving the father parental responsibility

The mother can choose to register the birth on her own if she isn’t married to the child’s father. The father’s details won’t be included on the birth certificate.

It might be possible to add the father’s details at a later date by completing an application for the re-registration of a child’s birth.

He sounds like an arsehole, why would you want to try to involve this man in his child's life? Look after yourself, surround yourself with people who love and support you. Give the baby your surname. Yes, I agree that babies should have loving parents, but this man sounds like a dick.

[mummyneedinganswers]

Cheshire hello some men don't feel the need to ask and be concerned at this stage they don't feel the bind or excitement you do. I know this first hand as in my previous pregnancies before I miscarried I always asked partner to be more affectionate and involved with pregnancy and how he put it was how can he be excited when its not something he feels or sees or experiences directly which is a very valid point. Granted though in my pregnancy now I'm also 13 weeks he's very excited but that's also due to scans and being able to see them. I think your being a bit harsh in a way you need to let him attend a scan for it to sink in to him it doesn't hit all men the way it would a woman, I think that's something to bear in mind. And I think its completely unacceptable to not place him on birth certificate or at least give him the option of it as its the baby who's the priority just because yous are split up and he's not much help in the pregnancy doesn't mean he won't be a good father x

[mummyneedinganswers]

I think that's sounds very selfish that if he becomes difficult and is on birth certificate your doomed. Its your baby's right to know both parents and he has the right to be on the birth certificate if you don't offer it he can still become difficult and you will be asked y he was on cert and also he can still take you to court so not having him on the cert doesn't stop him trying for custody, if you don't want him to have parental rights what are you going to do if anything happens to you. It seems to me you are making things difficult before babies even here, I grew up in a broken home with parents fighting over parental rights and its nasty give him the chance x

[ltk]

Can all those telling op how unreasonable she is being please note that she has no control over whether his name goes on the bc. If he shows up with her to register the birth then he goes on straight away. Otherwise he can sort it later via court. Simples. It is up to him, not her.

She can and should give the baby her surname if she prefers.

His level of involvement with the baby is in his hands. Right now he is choosing zero involvement.

[mummyneedinganswers]

Yes but like I pointed out a lot of men don't feel involved through early pregnancy as they aren't pregnant and aren't experiencing it and I also stated he should at least be given the option the birth certificate is the child's identity, doesn't matter who's surname the child has but he deserves the chance at least she's only 13 weeks like me maybe when she's further along he will be more involved men don't act and think like women and obviously don't experience pregnancy how we do so sometimes its not as real for them so earlyx

[Cheshirehello79]

I know I've divided people's opinion in here and thank you all for taking your time to reply but he he stays quite and not bother at all then I'll leave it be and his loss . If he does come back and show some interest and be there then I will involve him - but I'm not going sit there starring at my phone thinking when is he going to text ... I'm not punishing him but if he's not showing any interest then I don't see the point . The baby will know the dad as I will tell them - he's just not going to be on record