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"I'm not being rude but ...

(158 Posts)
yama Fri 16-Jul-10 18:00:58

... your're HUGE!" said the cheery man working in Hamleys as I entered this afternoon.

I said "actually, that is rather rude." He carried on with "Do you know what you're having?"

I'm only 34 weeks and I've had comments from strangers for months.

I mean, under what other circumstances is it appropriate to comment on the size of a woman's body?

LadySanders Fri 16-Jul-10 18:05:33

all part of the joys of pregnancy... my first 2 pregnancies i kept getting told i was HUGE. Third one random people kept telling me i was TINY. Last week my doctor's receptionist said 'you bitch, you're so thin after 3 kids' as if this was a perfectly acceptable remark...

LauraKB Fri 16-Jul-10 18:11:37

I got this all the time and it just made me laugh.

I know what you mean but you're never going to able to stop people doing it, potentially offensive though it is.

I got a lot of 'Are you sure its not twins in there?', I am 5'0" and was a size 6 pre pregnancy (not anymore sadly) so I suppose I looked funny cos I was so small with a big bump.

I was in a shop once at about 24 weeks and the girl who was about 17 said, 'Aw, when are you due?', when I told her November (this was August) her eyes popped out of her head and she said 'November?! But you're MASSIVE though'. I laughed for ages at the suprise and concern on her face and the fact that it clearly hadn't entered her head that what she was saying could be construed as really offensive.

What I found worse was people staring at my Boobs, which were comedically huge. I was quite obviously pregnant so just leave it alone. I nearly went over to a table of people in a pub one evening and told them so cos I got fed up of them turning round to stare.

I think the thing to remember is you're SUPPOSED to be huge, you've got another person in there. Take it as a compliment, x.

yama Fri 16-Jul-10 18:14:45

Wow, was your doctor's receptionist a woman LadySanders?

Most of the comments I've had have been from men. I've had the twins one several times.

Actually, scrap that - I've had to tell my MIL twice that I think she has forgotten what a pregnant body looks like.

yama Fri 16-Jul-10 18:16:40

Thanks LauraKB - that's what my dh says. That I should take it as a compliment.

Jacksmama Fri 16-Jul-10 18:19:56

"Well actually you are being rude. Now fuck off."

yama Fri 16-Jul-10 18:21:10

grin It did cross my mind.

LauraKB Fri 16-Jul-10 18:23:38

Lol at Jacksmama. Blame it on the hormones.

Mercedes519 Fri 16-Jul-10 18:25:13

I get the opposite, everyone comments that I'm not very big. Not sure whether it's a compliment or not confused

Problem is (and I accept most people don't know this) DS1 was IUGR and was less than 4 lbs and we're waiting for confirmation that we don't have the problem again. So, not massively useful for my state of mind.

But, either way how come everyone is an expert on growth in pregnancy? Even from people who have actually HAD children and really should know better.

Let's face it, some people are just rude. Well done Yama for calling them out on it even they don't even notice! grin

catftm Fri 16-Jul-10 18:43:29

\i know how you feel. The conductor on the train said to his colleague the other day, "so how do you think you can get a beautiful tellytubby like that!!!" er...is that meant to be a compliment. The other annoying comments are "don't you want to get that baby out?!" and "still got that belly" and "hello fatso" the other day! It's so annoying especially when the people who make the comments know you still have another week to your due date and say the same thing EVERY WEEK!!!

Thats not so bad but one woman told me the other day that i was huge and to be careful because there wasa woman who was as big as me and the baby was a stillborn!!! I was mortified especially as i knew who she was talking about and she was in the same room. Some people are so clueless!!!!!

Because of pregnancy, people think they have the right to be rude with us. Don't they think we have enough on our mind already?

My best one was:

A friend's sister kept asking me if I was sure I wasn't expecting twins, when I answered 'no' she was telling to make sure to tell the obstetrician to look for 2 heart beats hmm

Also if I was getting bigger, I may explode...WTF

yama Fri 16-Jul-10 19:18:11

Catftm that's awful. shock

Mercedes - Comments in general about someone's size should be a no-no. I remember my wee brother explaining to me that he understood this as you never knew what someone's circumstances were. So there really is no excuse for such ignorance.

GuernseyFrench - I've been told by a few people to go and get myself re-scanned as dates must be wrong.

kittyonthebeam Fri 16-Jul-10 19:40:20

catftm, how shocking. Awful mean and nasty people.

I still got asked 14 months after my dd's birth whether I was pregnant by people on the bus, in a hotel, etc. I am 5'6, weighing in at 59kg. I have badly separated stomach muscles but still... hmm

hester Fri 16-Jul-10 19:58:31

A new colleague was introduced to me at work when I was pregnant.

Her: "How many weeks along are you?"

Me: "I'll only tell you if you promise not to say, oh my god you're huge, or: are you sure it's not twins?, or: what the hell have you got in there?"

Her: "OK"

Me: "I'm 28 weeks"

Her: "Jeez, have you got gestational diabetes?"

lilllysa Fri 16-Jul-10 20:05:27

I avoided check out women like a kid with measels . . Always headed to the young uninterested boy. . They NEVER commented.

miamix Fri 16-Jul-10 22:23:51

I'm only 12 weeks but because I'm small and slim I'm showing really obviously.

The "who ate all the pies" jokes at work have already started. They only found out this week. I imagine it will get old VERY soon.

Also, does pregnancy give people (especially men) license to talk about completely inappropriate things with you? When I told my boss I was pregnant he started talking about his wife's "painful coil" (?!), and today when one of the caretakers where I work asked me when I was due, he thought it would be ok to say "yes I did think you were pregnant but then again I do know that women get bloated when they're on their periods so I didn't want to say".

...

grin

Doodleydoo Fri 16-Jul-10 22:29:26

I have been told in equal measure that I am neat hmm and huge hmm by different people, I mentioned this to my lovely lovely midwife who said to me " well tell them that as far as the medical profession are concerned you are measuring absolutely perfectly and you are exactly the right size for you dates and this baby" grin I love her.

daisystone Sat 17-Jul-10 09:36:56

I think a lot of people are over sensitive. What is rude about saying that someone has a big bump? It is more stating the obvious than anything else. I think that when people talk to you about your bump or size they are only trying to be friendly and interested although it often comes out as meddling....

Don't stress about it.

Am 30 weeks: Yesterday at a family function I got ALL of the following:

"Cor, you're huge!" (ok, hear this a lot)

"Your belly button's really sticking out!" (thank you, yes I know)

"Oooh, looks like a hernia!" (about aforementioned belly button. No it effing doesn't). This was said by a middle aged woman who has a kid herself.

"Ooh, these new baby fads, I don't know" - regarding laying infant on back not stomach and not covering with a quilt and HAT. Like I was somehow being over-precious.

Being stared at by 12 people, like they were expecting the kid to do a song and dance routine from inside my womb.

Being asked whether we were going to "do Christmas for everyone" this year as we've got a baby.

"Why aren't you having a baby shower" (because I don't want one, I have everything I need, please can we talk about something or someone else now)

No malice, obviously, but it's just tipped over into the point of getting annoying!

redd82 Mon 19-Jul-10 15:19:43

I'm 18 weeks and although this week I seem to have developed a particularly noticable bump, up until now (although I can tell I am alot bigger than normal) everyone says I'm tiny.
I'm 5'7 and size 8 pre-pregnancy but haven't been able to get in my usual clothes since about 6 weeks!

The other days at work someone said...."has the midwife told you that you are having a small baby then.....?"

Panic much!?! shock

my poor old gran is still INSISTANT that i am not only further on than i think (i am 35 weeks she is convinced i will give birth by end of july) but she is also adamant that i could be having twins.

Apparently im huge (im measuring just fine) and a friend of hers was told she was just having one baby but had twins. i have explained that back in the late 50s when this happened that could happen however a sonographer has taken very clear pictures of the inside of my womb and there is just one average sized baby in there. i have explained this everytime i see her, yet she gives me this knowing look and says, ah but you never know. AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!

now i just smile and say - 'maybe gran, just maybe'

In contrast i've also been told today i look like i have months left as my bump is tiny....

oh and at about twenty weeks the checkout lady in boots said, how long have you got left? i said im half way there, she said 'oh you are big arent you, saying that you arent a small girl to start with are you?' didnt know her from adam and i'm not huge 14/16 so no not tiny, but come on, she basically said i was fat anyway.

bloody hell!

yama Mon 19-Jul-10 15:57:23

I'm going to take Doodleydoo's midwife's advice and tell the next person who is rude enough to comment on the size of my body that I am measuring perfectly for my dates.

I really dont get it. I wouldn't dream of commenting on another person's body. Especially during pregnancy.

Storminabuttercup - yes that lady in boots was definitely rude.

Redd82 - what an unthinking colleague.

I dont think anyone on this thread in being over sensitive.

legallyblond Mon 19-Jul-10 16:02:25

People know nothing... and they are rude about it!

I have had emergency growth scan after emergency growth becasue I am far too small for my dates (I range between 4 and 6 weeks too small when they measure my fundal height!).... All is fine but obviously I have worried!

But that doesn't stop people saying "you're huge"... "sure its not twins" etc etc.. confused

Errr, perhaps they would like to tell my consultant that as he says I am tiny every time I see him!

I HATE it!

Yup I got this a lot both times, and I was bang on size both times - but I am quite small and only put weight on in the bump area so it did look big. Worst was men, one colleague asked me if I was going to get even bigger, I replied by asking him when his due date was. When he spluttered about not understanding what I meant I replied that he was so fat I assumed he must be hiding a baby in there

Oh and Dh's best man who felt it was funny to point at my pregnant tummy and laugh about how fat I was - I had to point out to him that when the baby was out I would lose the weight, but he (best man) would always be fat, and actually rather stupid.

I was very fed-up with comments!

mum2oneloudbaby Mon 19-Jul-10 16:12:31

All part of being public property when you're pregnant immensely irritating.

I try hard to ignore the comments by strangers because to be quite frank they don't matter.

However my MIL can be very scathing and everybody seems to think either she is funny or they make allowances because she has always run off at the mouth. Therefore I am apparently being over sensitive and god forbid I comment on her little idiosyncracies (sp?)!

After not seeing me for quite a number of weeks she said 'you've got quite a big but very tidy bump going there' (okay so far) 'shame it's coming out the back as well' angry

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