Would you like to be a member of our research pane? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

December 2011: The one where DSM gets married...

(999 Posts)
LittleMissFlustered Thu 02-Aug-12 22:59:00

<dons posh frock and adjusts fascinator>

grin

anairofhopeFORGOLD Fri 03-Aug-12 14:43:40

Ummmm dh has been to see mental health nurse and has mild depression and ansiouty (sp?).

Its like i get little bit better and start coping wellso its his turn to be ill and not do anything!

When u talk to him about lieing to me he does the stearing off in to space thing and when i ask to talk about it guess what its never the right time.

He acts like nothing has happened and when i lose my temper with him and ask him to leave he refuses.

He is controling emotionally blackmailing and none communicative right now and he thinks this is ok because he has depression so its not his fault.

I told him we need to go to relate but he wants to sort the depression out then goto relate and he is not happy it will cost him money!

His is happy to go on family picnics with me and the children and to play with air afterworrk but thats it. He might as well still be staying with his mum.

So he is here but im in limbo regarding relationship. I have sved some money and i can move back to North Wales and rent and get a job but i want to give him his 7th chance before i leave with children for good.

anairofhopeFORGOLD Fri 03-Aug-12 14:48:18

I have told him this and his reply is "No your not noone is leaving"

I guess he will be shocked in three months time when he comes home to an empty house if he doesnt start talking and making a big effort.

LittleMissFlustered Fri 03-Aug-12 15:03:34

Keep strong Air, but keep an eye on him too. Make sure he has no access to your saved money, and if you feel you need to go, go <hug>

anairofhopeFORGOLD Fri 03-Aug-12 15:17:38

Thanks I will be fine i always am. I just feel a bit gulity i didnt choose a better father for my children and that i have let them down.

I really thought he was my soul mate and that we would grow old together and always be happy together - how neive was I lol

anairofhopeFORGOLD Fri 03-Aug-12 15:27:45

Part of me wants to help him get better and be happy

and a part wants to hit him over head and tell him i dont need this or him and it does not excuse the stupid lieing to me! Or the fact he did something i asked him not too and that he know it would upset me but he didnt care about my feelings or me.

MissRee Fri 03-Aug-12 16:23:49

<cartwheels in to Mark place a la Olympic gymnasts>

Sorry to hear you're still having a hard time with your husband. I have no advice really but just wanted to offer some support.

<backflips out the door again>

KateM77 Fri 03-Aug-12 17:09:08

Heading for a friend's 40th bday bash on Manchester. Currently in Fri afternoon traffic hell on the M6. First night away from DS. Wondering if I'll actually sleep through given I finally have the opportunity to do so! Hoping I don't get too drunk...it's been a long time since I had to deal with a hangover smile

KateM77 Fri 03-Aug-12 18:09:42

It's not going well. Now in centre of Manchester and mum has just had to call me to say DS is very unhappy and not settling. Can see us having to dash back...for 2.5 hours...at this rate sad

seven77 Fri 03-Aug-12 18:43:08

kate I hope DS settles ok for your mum and you get to enjoy your night off.

air 7 chances? you can't help him get better, the only person who can do that is himself. As for moaning about relate costing him money, surely saving the relationship is worth paying for hmm. And you're only letting your DCs down by staying together if you're unhappy and it's clear the relationship isn't worth saving. Wrt the HV, remember you don't have to see her. If he can speak a sentence when she isnt there that's all that matters, he isn't a performing circus monkey angry.

LMF the trouble is that I got pregnant not long after we moved, so pregnancy tiredness then a baby meant I never got round to properly 'sorting out' when we moved in. The important stuff was done but a lot of other stuff just got dumped in the office and the garage.

figgy just be there for her. Listen if she wants to talk, and don't be surprised if it takes a while before she seems 'normal' again. 3 weeks on and I had a wobble yesterday seeing the tiny babies at baby weigh-in sad

Eva was crawling when she was overtired earlier, and fell and banged her face on the floor. She cut just under her nose and might be getting a black eye sad. At least my mum was here so I can't be accused of it being my fault.

LittleMissFlustered Fri 03-Aug-12 19:04:43

Sat watching The Hairy Dieters and I feel sick. Not about them, myself. I think I need to make a changesad

LittleMissFlustered Fri 03-Aug-12 19:17:03

Sorry, that was a bit pathetic. I think it was a bit of a eureka moment though.

aethel I've added you on myfitnesspal, I'll endeavour to get weighed tomorrowsad

aethelfleda Fri 03-Aug-12 19:43:42

Found you lmf! i must admit I hate calorie counters with a vengeance as they remind me of my teenage attempts to diet (let's not go there) and I find I respond much better to portion control than counting. I'm going to give the app a couple of weeks and see how it goes (she says while munching a 450 cal foccacia). The other main issue I have with counting cals is it makes the DDs aware that Mummy is food restricting (slightly), which I REALLY don't want them to get hung up about, young children are surprisingly perceptive.... Right, off to paint the front room again!

((((hug)))) Air, do what you can for your family, it is tough and there are no guarantees in life, but you are doing so well to hold it together in these circumstances.

((((hug)))) also for seven. the loss doesn't go but it dulls a little with time and becomes more bearable.

seven77 Fri 03-Aug-12 20:52:26

aethel you made me cry. Someone lob a <haddock> in this direction.

LMF how much do you want to lose? At the least I want to be back in my size 16 skinny jeans (I'm at least 2 inches away), though ideally tbh I need to lose 4 stone. I'm failing miserably on myfitnesspal, tbh I don't want to count calories, and I'm stubborn, and I'm not giving up carbs, what I need is some form of support to steer me in the right direction when I'm reaching for the biscuits.

How about starting a thread in weight loss? losing baby weight, and the rest. Anyone interested?

LittleMissFlustered Fri 03-Aug-12 21:04:09

A dietician would tell me I need to halve my body weight. Personally I'd like to get down to a size 18. I'm 5'8" and my hips are obscenely wide, anything below that starts to look proportionally weirdsad

It's going to be so hard. I am useless at food. I don't like many foodstuffs. Those I do like are not entirely helpful to weight loss. I'm just going to have to try though, and come September see if I can find a leisure centre with a crèche and a gym as I can jut about afford those fees but not the fees for a 'proper' gym:/

LittleMissFlustered Fri 03-Aug-12 21:21:51

The council offer an inclusion centre membership. £20 per month gets me use if the gyms and pools as well as the centre based classes. I think I can do that if I budget. Crèche is about £4 per session, and if I ask nicely mum might look after octoboy once a week so I can do two sessions a week. Hopefully.

CherryBlossom27 Fri 03-Aug-12 21:36:21

Hi everyone,

LMF £20 a month is brilliant, I think just go for it! I'm two stone heavier than I was before I got pregnant, I think I'm a size 14 now. I don't feel 'big' I just want to wear my favourite black skinny jeans and I can't sad Once my Mum has gone back home I'm going to re-start my Davina fitness DVD smile Mum is a very bad influence, we had iced vanilla lattes and cake today and an ice cream too!

Kate Hope you are now enjoying your night off!

Air I haven't really got any good advice, but thinking of you. It's really tough to be in this position and trying to do what is right for everyone in the family.

DS has cut his second top tooth today, the other one appeared a few days ago. He now has two top and two bottom teeth grin Poor DS was a complete misery last week with the heat plus teething so I gave him his first taste of calpol! So happy that's it for a while on the teething front smile

I had a shock this morning, DS now fits perfectly in his 12 month size dungarees....eek! Mum and I bought him 5 t-shirts and 2 cardigans today, Mum had already bought him two pairs of dungarees and a pair of jeans from the charity shop, so I think we are sorted until he grows again.

I know it's way too early....but....as our little ones are December babies, have any of you made any plans or got any ideas on how to celebrate their birthdays? I'm being silly and stressing as Christmas Eve (DS's birthday) is a working day this year and I have no idea how we will spend the day and separate birthday from Christmas!

Air I totally agree with what Seven has said. Your only going to hurt the kids of you stay and surely your relationship is worth more than money costs! His depression shouldn't be an excuse for everything. The 3 of you are better off out of there tbh. X

Those of you with weight loss ishoos. I'm sorry I can't be of help. To me it's just portion size, healthy food & regular exercise. You'll all hate not like me too much now as I have trouble maintaining a healthy weight even tho I do all of the above! Post baby a size 8-10 pre baby a size 6!

Well had a lovely Nando's meal and watched Batman: The Dark Knight Rises and it was a fab film grin Sky was good for Grandma & Grandad too and is home fast asleep in bed. Darcie is at my mums and we are now chilling in bed watching Olympics - this is how we roll grin

aethelfleda Fri 03-Aug-12 21:38:40

<hurls a kleenex at seven cunningly origamied into a haddock shape for maximum absorbancy>
Sorry to upset you my dear. Everyone reacts differently to pregnancy loss. I early-mc'd between the DDs and that will always be part of my story (for some reason I'm convinced it was a little boy though it was too early to possibly know). It does get easier.

I'm up for a thread over in weight loss as i suspect that may be longer lasting for me than the fitnesspal, and it permits more chat than the app (though it is public, does that bother anyone?) You link and i'll join...

Good luck with the gym plan lmf, I find evening DVDs fit in best with my day so I'm going back to those. (right, back to painting again, that's my coffee break done!)

Figgygal Fri 03-Aug-12 22:05:42

Hiya

I'm a couple of lbs up again from pre pg weight am a size 12/14 am 5'10 so tall and lucky to carry weight well because of it but am back in my normal clothes so not too bothered which is obviously why I haven't lost that pesky 7lbs I would love to lose. I used to be a size 18/20 until about 10yrs ago and have been this size since i then lost 3 stone I honestly couldn't do it again I lived on 1000 kcals for months and became the most boring woman alive it was all I ever spoke about. I think my metabolism when I was 20 was very different to now I lost the 3 stone without breaking a sweat but now I suspect I would have to work my ass off and frankly I'm a lazy old boot grin

mopsy r u out there? She might be still at her sisters I guess

LittleMissFlustered Fri 03-Aug-12 22:25:04

Shiny new thread for withering on about the evils of wanting a venti latte with three sugars and a side order of cakesmile

KateM77 Sat 04-Aug-12 00:52:52

DS settled and mum apologised for calling. Enjoying party. A bit too much. Mojito, champagne, beer, wine, whisky. Could hurt tomorrow. DJ is Jason Orange's twin brother. If you say so. Twins like arnie and Danny de Vito.

KateM77 Sat 04-Aug-12 00:54:13

Did I mention I'm a little bit drunk?

Kitty5824 Sat 04-Aug-12 03:49:33

grin @ Kate Where in Manchester was the party <sighs wistfully as Manc friends are out sat night and I'm missing it>

I'm up! I was also still doing chores at 2340, got to bed at 2345, Seb woke me screaming at 0045. I think I volunteered to drive. Balls!

Must remember not to sing "row, row, row your boat" like we've been doing when the rowing is on TV blush

mopsytop Sat 04-Aug-12 06:52:43

Hi all, I'm still here figgy, I'm so sorry, I keep meaning to post but minimopsy has been in a grump of epic proportions all week and just keeps complaining and crying all day so I can't find a chance, then in the evenings my husband gets cross if I'm on my phone as ge doesn't see me all day so I try to avoid it. Sorry I WILL catch up soon! It's been a bit of a stressy week and has made me appreciate more than ever my generally smiley, non grumpy baba!! She must be teething still. She got her first 2 while we were in Ireland!

Hope you're all ok. Sorry about your husband air, sounds tough. Kate, sounds like you had fun, hope your head is ok this morning! seven, so sorry it's tough, I hope you feel better about it soon. lmf and aethel, my weight loss has stalled. Not going up at least but need to start going down so will join your new thread. Oi rubbish about your husband's employers, they sound like tossers. I must admit I'd be tempted to take them to court but I know that wd be a major hassle. Tyel (sorry can't remember new name!), hope you managed to sort put some more flexible working. DSM, not long to go now, exciting! gee, hope the sleep is improving somewhat, hawthers, sounds like it is for you, let's hope it lasts. honey, sounded like a stressful situation with your mil. Also I'm only judging from what you've said but your partner doesn't appear to pull his weight much at all baby wise so I'm not surprised you're finding your relationship a small bit tough right now. Hopefully he will improve as Rocco gets older. Crying baby, must dash, sorry if I missed anyone!

LittleMissFlustered Sat 04-Aug-12 08:42:37

Banbury. Every 90 minutes last nightsad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now