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Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

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Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Philosophy/religion

The struggle for power

57 replies

papillon · 04/05/2004 09:34

Hi All

This thread (and several others) are about us sharing and learning together on our spiritual journey. It is an open space for open minds, so please feel free to come and chat and share your thoughts/stories.

The main book we have been discussing is The Celestine Prophecies book by James Redfield.

We are now up to the 4th insight - the struggle for power

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glitterfairy · 04/05/2004 10:57

Boo hoo am ordering it now feel so left out!!!!

melsy · 04/05/2004 11:39

BTW Gothicmama yours should be on its way shortly, just need to get it weighed at the post office!!

Glitterfairy , let me know if you cant find it , I have a source that is lower than the rrp. let me know I can send you one too.

papillon · 04/05/2004 11:44

LOL gitterfairy...

Melsy you have been having soooo many happening laterly that you could probably skip the 4th!!! (just kidding)
I am abit scared of this one... not that I am big on competing for energy from others... but I am very concious of interactions between people and my feelings about those (being a sensitive papillon)

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melsy · 04/05/2004 11:48

Yes I agreee , I was a it scared of it too, escpecially after re reading last night. I also find interactions hard sometimnes

melsy · 04/05/2004 11:54

I feel I am right in the 4th insight with my therapy , as she makes me face my control dramas every week. I have to face my negativity and energy issues every day with my homework.

sibble · 04/05/2004 20:17

hi all, popping in here, have been working through the experiential guide, am not up to the 4th with that yet, but may skip a chapter....
I know my control drama is to be aloof, which isn't helped by the fact that I am happy with my own company and like the quiet so can seem doubly aloof to some people who like noise and people and 'busyness'. On a regular basis my mother has always drained my energy, I phone her 3 times/week from NZ and I can feel it being sucked down teh phone, DH always says he knows when I am speaking with her as my voice changes and I come off all prickly!!!
The falling out I had with the mum at playgroup the other week is in part (I think) because of her need for energy. Having now taken a back seat, you can see her moving from person to person almost sucking them dry - she is a very strong person. I am sure that sounds terrible and I didn't mean it in a judgemental way but in a..it is interesting to watch when you know it is happening kind of way...
I am far from being able to deal with my dramas on a daily basis though.

papillon · 04/05/2004 20:24

Hi Sibble, I am still awake - amazing I know!!

Melsy and I thought the virtual house was abit like the 3rd insight - so perhaps you did not skip it after all!!

Interesting that you watch the interactions of the woman at the play group. I think that is an important asset to have and I always do that when working to ensure that the people who dominate or drain my space are avoided!! Also think that is the best option anyhow - I mean u can´t change them overnight!

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sibble · 04/05/2004 20:39

hi papillon - am hardly awake myself this morning - went out last night (hurray) but had about 5 hours sleep - think will be working with one eye open and the other shut....

I like what you said about avoiding energy draining people as you can't change them overnight as that is what I tend to do....sometimes think I should confront them to help work through my 'drama' but it si so hard - easier just to associate with those you are comfortable with - leaping ahead maybe those we are comfortable with are those in our 'soul groups' so we don't need to work through our dramas with everybody - only those where it is absolutely necessary....does that make sense????

juniper68 · 04/05/2004 22:02

i know what you mean about this type of person. My mam can be like that though she doesn't mean it nastily, just demands a lot of attention. I feel very drained sometimes, she competes a lot in a conversation. It's like dealing with a child at times. I also have a friend who thinks we're very close but we're not as she's very overbearing. Her mother more so, you can't have a two way convo with her as she dominates it and brings everything round to her. you really can't change these types, they can possibly do it themselves.
I'm very outgoing and can be v talkative but I also listen. Most of my mates are similar to me really, I have a couple of quieter ones but we get on well.
I have a very close friend who's popular though she takes over the conversation a lot too. She's so funny though you can't help but let her and she listens which is the key.
It's really got me thinking this and the only person I have regular confrontations with is my mam. But it's improving, maybe being more spiritually open is helping me? Plus I'm not walking on eggshells as much.

blimey I have rambled lol.

glitterfairy · 05/05/2004 07:49

This is fascinating and the thing about mums especailly so. My mum also likes to be at the centre and for stuff to be about her. She is extremely bright and very very manipulative. I have once not talked to her for two years and the peace of that was phenomenal but she is a great grandma and I cannot deny my kids that strength. I also ahve a strong sense of duty and she is ill now and I cannot bear to let her down. I am starting to win now with her and actually told her the other day that I likde who I was and felt strong, happy and beautiful and that I did not wish to listen to any more about my appearance or the way I did things. It felt good even if she didnt listen although I think she is a little frightened

papillon · 05/05/2004 08:42

Lots of talk about mums. My Mum´s mother was a lovely lady, although very strong willed and this really created a shadow over my mum and her personality. She does not have enough confidence in herself. She is a very big hearted person, very caring but she is also becoming abit more like Granny now with the dominating control aspect coming though... so it is a strange mix.
She used to say "if I ever get like my mother, tell me!!" ...unfortunately nobody has the gumption!

Feel better after a long chat to my family this morning. Dh father has cancer (as some of u know) and after more test it is looking quite bad and cannot be operated on. So bit of a struggle for power perhaps in some repects with dh & I. If it was my dad, I would move home immediately. Am going to talk more with him tonite and see what transpires. My sister has a dd the same age as my dd and I would love for them to grow up together.

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papillon · 05/05/2004 08:53

Just looking at the experiental guide - and a sentence I read made me think of wishes and prays which I recall we talked about a little while ago. It seemed to relate with regards to why wishes seem to not happen or take time to happen

"If you feel frustrated at seemingly slow progress, realize that all your new insights need time to become integrated with your whole belief system."

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melsy · 05/05/2004 09:07

Im so sorry about your FIL papillon, I thought he was abale to be operated on. Is this a final or are their other avenues to be researched or does he not want to. See that will be some kinda of sturggle for you and your husband if he doesnt wnat to pursue any treatment and others may want to. I have a close famil friend as I mentioned a while back who opnly has several months , and there is an op , but she wont entertain the idea, nor will she discuss my alternative healing. So we have a very diff time accpeting that and not wnating her to do something.

I find this insight very diffcult as it means being open about your concious negative behaviour and sometimes its not concious. Is the struggle for power between husband and wife also a male female difference???? . It seems we either have power issues with mothers or husbands , I wonder why those relationships are like that as no one has mentioned the paternal father relationship. I dont have power struggles with my father , but yet he is a strong male realtionship , but I do with my husband. I think many of us glamourise our problems by talking about them over and over because we dotn always find we have a way out & discussing it with others may lead you to find a way out?? My doubts over the truth of this insight is were it says that you need to find a way to turn a sitauation around yourself , what about those who need the support of others to help them??? It is funny that all relates to CBT and hypnotherpay and changing behaviour & re writing negative behaviour for the better. Is it a coicidence Juniper that we have been discussing this very subject right now !!!

papillon · 05/05/2004 09:20

FIL had a major op to remove alot of the cancer which was slow growing... but the cancer is growing faster and is inoperable. Will be getting chemo every two weeks via a button inserted into his body. Can go for 20 months like that.

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papillon · 05/05/2004 09:22

I get on very well with my Mum btw.. no power struggle with either parents. In fact I have been alot of support and helped Mum alot - but being the other side of the world, find it hard these days.

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glitterfairy · 05/05/2004 10:23

Was sad to hear about your friend Melsy and you are strong papillon it will work out somehow. We were talking about this yesterday in the office as a friend of my business parnters died at 26 in a car crash. We were saying that ina way having a terminal illness allows you to say your goodbyes and prepare for death to make your peace with things and people around you and for people to work out their thoughts and feelings. this is a blessed time and making the most of it is really important.

papillon · 05/05/2004 10:26

Yes Glitterfairy I agree, but its hard when we are on opposite sides of the world from each other. Just had a call from dh... could hear he is quite upset.. read him the email update. We will be talking tonite about everything..

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juniper68 · 05/05/2004 14:01

I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL papillon xx And your friend Melsy, that must be so frustrating for family and friends xx

juniper68 · 05/05/2004 14:05

you're right melsy it is a coincidence we've been discussing CBT.
I find it easy to realise my faults/negativity and admit to them. I laugh at myself a lot too (as I'm soooo funny ) I'm much more accepting of people as I've aged, which makes life easier. Becoming a Christian has helped enormously though and mixing with more spiritual people

papillon · 05/05/2004 14:06

Thanks Juniper... feel abit spacey today... not my usual self. Such is life - how are you doing? Read your other thread about coming off the pills... well done

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juniper68 · 05/05/2004 14:10

well done u GF on sticking up for yourself. it's amazing how people back of once u assert yourself. There's a woman at church who's a real bully except she's scared of me saw her today and she was like a lamb lol

papillon · 05/05/2004 14:13

funny you should mention that Juniper.. woman at work was like that.. right ole Bully... after abit of a confrontation I just ignored her for a couple of months and after a dose of windy shoulder she was lamb like and quite respectful. Could not believe it..

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juniper68 · 05/05/2004 14:19

there's a difference between assertive and bully isn't there? I'm assertive but gentle too iykwim
Some people would rather die that apologise/admit they're wrong but it's not something i have any trouble with. Makes life calmer and easier.

papillon · 05/05/2004 14:30

Totally agree - I am big on apologising when called upon. Not giving energy to e-sucking situations definately helps.

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juniper68 · 05/05/2004 14:35

you're right there. It amazes me how people (my mam springs to mind ) get so het up over nothing?? Like 'she said he said' crap. I don't know why mam bothers saying stuff like that to me now although I have noticed she back tracks a bit and pulls herself up at times

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