"How to talk so kdis will listenand listen so kids will talk" - anyone want to go trhough this book?

[Porcupine]

and see hwat we think of it?

Its wuite heavy reading( not intellectually) just very close set type and lots of americna egs
But i reckon we cna do it.

[Porcupine]

lol at first line" i was a wonderful parent before i had kids"

[NuttyMuffins]

Can't actually go through it yet as have only just this sec brought it off ebay, but will sit quietly in the corner and listen

[Porcupine]

ok fisrt idea

accept your kids feelings
( snowy day) kid - Im hot
parent " you arent hot its freezeing"

ie parent deying kdis feeling

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

It's an excellent book. After much sniggering about it, even DH had to admit it was pretty good after reading "the important bits", as he put it.

[PetronellaPinkPants]

So instead do you just rip all their clothes off and chuck them in a snow drift?

[NuttyMuffins]

Hmm ok, have no prob with that bit, do usually accept most of what they say anyway.

[Porcupine]

so the summary is

1. listen with full attention
   ". acknowledge feelign wihta word " ooh" or " i see"
   

1. giev theri feeligns a name" so you are feeling a bit toasty?"

1. give them their wishes in fantasy " maybe we shoudl ask the wather to get even colder!"!"

[PetronellaPinkPants]

sounds sensible

what next?

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

Re: denying kid's feelings, once I read it there I realised I did it quite often, e.g. "I'm scared/bored/angry" would get a reply of "oh no you're not" and reasons why he c/wouldn't be. Now I tend to go along with "yes, I can see you're bored, I'd be too" etc.

[NuttyMuffins]

See those bits, 'giving their feeling a name' and 'give them their wishes in a fantasy', are bits I wouldn't normally do, kids would think I was nuts LOL.

[NuttyMuffins]

Will try though

[Porcupine]

bad parent eg here

kid "someone stile my pencil"
parent" are you sure oyu didnt lose it?"

kid " i didnt it was on my desk when i went to the loo"

parent " wel you always leave your things lying around i always tell you PUt it away and oyu never listen to me

kid" oh leave me alone"

parent ( loev this americanism) " dont eb fresh"

[NuttyMuffins]

OMG that example was me

[NuttyMuffins]

without the fresh bit lol.

[NadineBaggott]

'give their feelings a name'
bleurgh!

why can't you just listen to them and then tell them to do as they're told?

[NappiesGalore]

are you gonna read the whole book right now? think ill go grab my copy...
(have loads of these books but never time to read em)

[Porcupine]

int he red pencil good parent eg the parent simply slutesn saying ahaa, mm oh i see
til the kid works out that they wil ahevto hide their pencil whne they go for a piss

[Porcupine]

lol
and baggy baggot move along we are tyring to be HELPFUL

[PetronellaPinkPants]

eh?

[krabbiepatty]

The problem I have is that the kid would not understand a word the Porcupine parent was saying...

[NuttyMuffins]

Right ok, can do that.

[Porcupine]

the poarent listens to the kdi ranting abotu the farking pencil making nice noises
( i htink int he pic she is reading heat)

[Porcupine]

ok one more eg

[PetronellaPinkPants]

what pencil?
nice noises??