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INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

(894 Posts)

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. grin

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

Heehee frosty. Me too.
Whenever I talk about this to my friends they all say 'noooo, not you, you seem so confident'
Well yes I am confident and can talk to people and laugh and am actually sometimes quite loud.
But then I have to creep away to a quiet corner and have a Bit Of A Think with no noise or distractions.

I have been staying with my poorly sister for a fortnight in a city. In real life I live in a field. It has been quite challenging, especially the level of 'popping in' that happens, with adults and teenagers.

<very proud this thread is still going. Two and a half years and still not reached 1000. Do you think there is a prize for the slowest thread? Perhaps introverts don't need to post very much because we consider very carefully what we are going to say>

Whataride Thu 16-Apr-15 13:42:56

Yikes, I'm an introvert and just signed up for a hen weekend. I've never done this before. I'll quite possibly enjoy the evening and want to spend the next day alone.

Allofaflumble Tue 14-Apr-15 17:25:05

Yes I was the "life and soul party girl" in my twenties and early thirties. Fuelled by booze and recreational drugs. It makes me shudder now.

Frostycake Fri 10-Apr-15 16:33:19

QuieteQuietly Yes, I used to do this all the time too when I was younger but I found that my 'acting' was so convincing that I got branded as 'extrovert' 'outgoing' 'confident' 'life & soul' a 'bit of a card' and 'ballsy' and people then assumed that I'd eagerly join in their party lifestyle or appreciate being moved into the sales team.

'Acting' as an extrovert really doesn't do anybody any favours but I agree that it's difficult not to do it especially if you're a people pleaser (as I am).

I am now referred to as a 'missery' or a kill-joy' but at least I'm authentic grin

Frostycake Fri 10-Apr-15 16:27:17

< waves shyly to fellow introverts >

TwoLeftSocks God yes! I did this at the start of the year and although some people remembered, most didn't and it was such a relief. I hate having a fuss made or being the centre of attention. I've since noticed that all my introvert friends on Facebook have done the same grin

Allofaflumbe Absolutely. Hate it for the 'outdoorsy rowdiness' that is thrust upon us and expected of us. I feel obliged to be out and about even if I'd rather shut the blinds and read a book by candle light with the cat. Like you, I think it's the noise. Everyone is outside, shouting, talking, playing music and it's impossible to think and I get overloaded very easily when it comes to noise. The constant light doesn't bother me but I dread the shouting and screaming from next door's young son (I know - I'm evil) as he doesn't stop from the moment he goes out at 8.00 am until he goes in at 7.00 pm. He just talks to himself or constantly shouts at the dog or calls for his father (who strikes me as an introvert as he practically lives in his shed).

I don't know about everyone else but I think it's an added strain being an introvert these days when extroversion is seen as the norm and how we are meant to behave (group think).

I can highly recommend 'Party of One' - The Loner's Manifesto by Anneli Rufus. The says 'some of us appear to be in but we are out and that is where we want to be.'

Southeastdweller Tue 07-Apr-15 22:15:21

Yes, All, I was feeling the dread today for the first time this year when I was on a very warm and very rammed bus on the way home. More noise, more crowds, more queues, not being able to sleep properly because of the heat...ugh.

Minnie11 Tue 07-Apr-15 20:24:34

Oh how interesting to come across a thread for Introverts. A few years ago, I realised how introverted I am. Interestingly, most people don't seem to think I am as I like to be with people for a while every day but then I usually want to go and be alone (I'm quite happy alone for hours regularly). I love to go to social events but only for a while, my estranged husband says I find people a novelty which wears off!! I love my job where I don't have much people interaction (just enough to keep me happy).
I must take a look at this book.

Allofaflumble Tue 07-Apr-15 19:41:58

Anyone else feeling depression creeping in at the thought of Summer on its way. I know a lot of people love it, but I hate the heat, the general noise of people and kids out in their gardens etc..
Any other killjoys out there?

Mamab33 Mon 06-Apr-15 09:43:54

<quite whisper> hello I'm so glad I have found you. Really identify with what Merlot and Quite said. Will look for the Susan Cain book. I'm going to join the library. Hmmm endless books.

Meemoll Tue 24-Mar-15 16:55:47

I don't have mine on facebook, I just prefer to hear from people who have remembered my birthday rather than reminding the (facebook) world that they should say 'happy birthday' to me. I've always been a bit weird about birthdays though, so maybe it's just me!

TwoLeftSocks Fri 27-Feb-15 16:10:18

I'm glad this thread is still going.

I have a question, wondering if I'm alone in this. I've decided to undeclared my birthday to the world by changing my facebook settings.

Family and long time friends might remember that it's this Sunday but I really don't want a fuss. It's not a big birthday, that'll be next year when I plan to be in hiding, out of the country.

Does anyone else feel, increasingly, like this about birthdays?

Southeastdweller Sun 08-Feb-15 22:14:23

Has anyone agreed with you, Quite, of the people you go out with? Just wondering if you may be overthinking it?

SeagullsAreLikeThat Fri 06-Feb-15 17:19:47

That's really interesting though, Quite, because I've always assumed this person is a complete extrovert, when maybe he is also just acting completely out of character because he's not comfortable in group situations. Will get him on his own next time and see what happens!

QuiteQuietly Thu 05-Feb-15 20:03:06

I have noticed that when I am in groups (which I generally try to avoid) I chatter and witter on like a nutter, interrupt and generally hog the conversation. I am appalled at myself the following day. I don't know why I do it - discomfort? panic? social exhaustion? One-to-one I act much more like a rational and normal human being. In groups I am a verbal psychopath. Is this a side-effect of introversion, or a completely different issue? Any advice (apart from never leaving the house, which is absolutely fine with me!)?

SeagullsAreLikeThat Fri 16-Jan-15 19:51:58

Once again this had disappeared from my "Threads I'm on" and I had to go searching. Does it only stay in there for a certain time if no-one posts for a while, does anyone know? I like to keep checking in, even though there's only a flurry of activity every now and then.

I was away with work again this week and endured a dinner with 6 clients, who we know reasonably well. It was really interesting because in the group was one extremely vocal person who monopolised the conversation most of the time, a few people who chatted comfortably but at least three of us who clearly just wanted to be in our rooms, on our own with a book! It was such a relief when the first person left to go to bed and we all followed within minutes. I was so drained!

Scattrercushion Sun 04-Jan-15 20:53:36

I really enjoyed the Susan Cain book FWIW. It really clicked with me and I re read bits from time to time. The only thing I don't like is that there seems to be an introvert v extrovert thing ongoing. I don't think either of us are any better, maybe just need to be more considerate of each other.

Sunbeam18 Sat 03-Jan-15 23:03:25

Hi Watch! You sound very like me - I too feel compelled to 'be sociable' and don't give myself the time I need just to 'be'. I love the evenings that my partner is out IF our baby son goes to sleep easily at 8pm and I can decompress in silence with my cat. I hate having visitors. My home is my cave, a place for reenergising not socialising.
I got the Susan Cain book for Christmas! Do you highly recommend?

WatchWithMerlot Tue 30-Dec-14 11:03:27

Sunbeam- your Christmas present sounds like utter, utter heaven on earth. envy I hope you find the perfect book to take with you.

I'm envious of those of you who have already waved-off your xmas visitors. I've had the spectre of my in-laws' visit looming over my head for a week (original plans for them to come on Boxing Day were put on hold due to adverse weather but no concrete plan 'B' has been made yet, meaning their arrival day is imminent but still a mystery, and they've given no indication of how long they plan to stay).

I'm sure you can all imagine what this is doing to my mind! confused

WatchWithMerlot Tue 30-Dec-14 10:56:05

Oh my goodness. I've just stumbled across this thread on 'Active' topics, and I feel such relief at reading all the posts here- like a spiritual homecoming! I could have written all of these posts.

I too have led a completely conflicting life until now - on the one hand fantasising about being stranded alone on an island/being buried alive/living in a monastery etc, but on the other hand in possession of annoyingly good social and communication skills and a 'people-pleasing personality' which means that the way others see me (outgoing, chatty, confidant etc) is the polar opposite to my actual inner self.

I've just read Susan Cain's book and am having a complete lightbulb moment about all this... The penny's finally dropped for me re: the cause of my life-long (since the age of 5) depression and anxiety, and source of unease.

I'm forever saying 'yes' to everyone and everything, and completely denying myself the right to just be myself and please myself. I grew up an only child in a family of fellow introverts who also 'act' outgoing and chatty. I was brought up with a strong sense of duty to put others at ease (despite ones own needs/wants).

Right everyone, time for some New Years resolutions then I think wink !!

CateBlanket Tue 30-Dec-14 10:20:39

Chickengirl - Xmas Day was lovely, just DH, DD and me. Then we've had four consecutive days of visitors - including overnight guests fshock All gone now so I've taken to my bed with pretend flu!

Chickengirl Thu 25-Dec-14 18:33:14

How's everyone coping with the festivities? I managed fairly well with a house full today, but I must say I was relieved that they all left by about 4pm so we've had some time to ourselves too. Interestingly, dd1 who is quiet and shy like me, but who I wasn't sure whether she was also introverted, disappeared as soon as lunch was over. I found her in the living room alone and when I asked if she was ok she said yes, but she just wanted to be by herself for a bit. Seems she is introverted too.

SeagullsAreLikeThat Mon 22-Dec-14 14:12:11

Oh, board games!! My worst Christmas ever was when an ex, whose family were game-crazy, got one for Christmas where you had to do forfeits and put silly accents on and quote lines from films in character. My idea of hell!

I had to laugh yesterday: DS1 and I did park run for the first time and he was so excited but when it got to the warm up led by the marshals, he flatly refused to do it because he was too embarrassed, even though there were 60 other people doing it. He is so like me: hates fancy dress, hates parties, hates alleged "fun" activities, basically anything where you have to act out of character. He was so pleased he got narrator in the school nativity - no costume, he could just stand up and talk :-).

MrsSquirrel Mon 22-Dec-14 13:29:34

Me too Lights, dp and dd have gone to dn's for a couple of days. It's just me and ddog at home with a stack of books by the sofa. Perfect!

Hopefully it will put me in a better frame of mind to cope with visit to pil's on boxing day wink

Sunbeam18 Mon 22-Dec-14 12:58:41

Oh Lights, what utter, utter joy ! Enjoy every minute. Is this your Christmas present ? smile
I am getting a night away alone in a hotel for my Christmas present. I am so excited and already deciding what book to take with me.

lazurda Mon 22-Dec-14 12:18:12

Ooops sorry, got my asterisks wrong
should be seagulls
and what I want

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