INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

(836 Posts)

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. grin

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

carriewintermeadow Sun 05-Oct-14 20:13:46

Marking my place .. I think I'm an introvert too, I've spent years wondering why I struggle in social situations.

I'll try to read through the thread now.

Smilesandpiles Mon 29-Sep-14 16:19:08

To add to that list:

Walks in the woods
one to one conversation
Time to just "be"
Solitude silence

This is why I love traffic jams. It's an unexpected bonus of time to just sit and be, on your own, no pressure, no speed, no rush, just sit and be in a cosy metal box have a great excuse to take your time a little more when already running late - you already have a very valid reason.

SiameseChing Sun 28-Sep-14 19:46:40

Yes smiles, very strange. Other things I just don't get:

Selfies (why? Don't you know what you look like? Do you think we've forgotten what you look like?)

People who talk over others or just 'take over' (so rude)

Things I DO get:

Watching storms from inside
Jigsaw puzzles
Playing the piano
Solitary walks/coffee/shopping
Absolutely all crafts/hobbies that others find boring or geeky!

Smilesandpiles Sun 28-Sep-14 19:22:35

Oh god, the oversharing on social media, I don't get it, but then again I won't. I'm not one for being the centre of attention, never have been. I find the whole thing very strange.

SiameseChing Sun 28-Sep-14 19:18:04

What a wonderful thread - reading it feels like coming home. Have spent most of my life trying to compete/fit in with this extrovert world with results ranging from mildly successful to embarrassingly disastrous. Reading the comments here inspires me to just stop trying and to just 'be'.

I am confused by the relentless social media over-sharing. I am bewildered by the expected pace of life which seems to be just so fast and brash.

Like PPs, I'm really looking forward to autumn. So l'm just going to kick of my boots and sit here in Introvert's corner with my knitting and a cuppa spending all evening settling 14mo DS to sleep

Southeastdweller Sat 20-Sep-14 11:13:02

I would love to put on my boots and winter coat envy.

Really can't bear much more of this warm weather. I was in Brighton yesterday and felt so uncomfortable with the crowds and heat. I'm seriously contemplating a move up north next year.

Smilesandpiles Fri 19-Sep-14 08:44:10

I've had boots and winter coat on a couple of times now. It's lovely. The only thing is, I'm finding it really hard to drive in the boots...will have to change them in the car I suppose.

I love misty mornings. Autumn is well and truly on it's way. Foggy mornings, drizzle, glittery cobwebs...lovely.

hilbobaggins Thu 04-Sep-14 08:02:13

Hello all, what a great thread! I just wanted to let everyone know that I run a meetup group ( called Social Introverts in Central London. It's for introverts who want to meet other introverts in a really relaxed, friendly environment where everyone will understand if you need to leave after a couple of hours!

We had our first meetup last month and it went brilliantly. I'm going to set up another one for mid September. All are welcome, would love to see some mumsnetters there!

SeagullsAreLikeThat Wed 27-Aug-14 21:12:36

How was the holiday, Takayama? I used to love childhood holidays in the caravan in the rain - until the awning flooded and we woke up to find ourselves in 6 inches of water!

Feeling very Autumnal here this week, already had my boots and winter coat on once!

takayama Sun 10-Aug-14 19:30:55

Lovely cooler weather - storms and rain largely missed us here but some showers and winds howling under the door which make me long for the winter months. When the rain is heavy I adore sitting in our conservatory and listening to it pounding on the glass. Same kind of effect as hurrying back to the car when it's tipping it down and feeling marooned in a storm.

Off in the caravan with DP in a couple of days - going to a very touristy area so was dreading the impact of high season / sunny hot weather / school holidays. But if these showers and winds persist (so long as we get there safely) there might be walks in the rain, then coming back to the shower to get dry, cuddling up with a cup of tea, listening to the rain on the roof, catching up on reading, hiding in a corner in the pub.

Agree - it seems to be getting darker a bit earlier, not sure if that is down to the weather. Hurry up autumn!

Smilesandpiles Sun 03-Aug-14 12:08:17

I love this thread.


I've seen adverts for Downton and X factor meaning Autumn is on it's way! Only 4 weeks away...ish.

Has anyone else notices that it's starting to get dark about 9-30ish? Or is it just me and wishful thinking?

SeagullsAreLikeThat Tue 29-Jul-14 21:37:09

Lovely that so many new people have joined since I last looked at this thread. Haven't been on for ages (self-imposed ban - no Mumsnet if there are jobs that need doing and unfortunately there are ALWAYS jobs that need doing!) but reading through the last posts since April has made me feel like I'm back in my sanctuary.

The heat, the end of term chaos and now the school holidays are hard work. I'm scheduling in time where it's just me and the DCs at home because the calendar is looking frighteningly full for the next few weeks with people who want to catch up over the holidays and although it's lovely, and I do appreciate that I have friends (honestly!), it's just exhausting being out in parks with so many other people and yet having friends round means usually double the children and double the noise and that's worse!

Met a friend today and at one point we were trying to have a conversation and all four children were trying to tell us different things at the same time and I actually felt dizzy with over-stimulation. It doesn't affect my friend at all, she just carries on talking. I just wanted to run away!

You sound like you are doing the right thing. As long as she has some time to herself to recharge she will be ok.

My DS is constantly stuck to me and I cope ok as long as I occasionally get an hour or so to myself.

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque Thu 24-Jul-14 19:24:28

Sorry for the essay, feel free to ignore!

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque Thu 24-Jul-14 19:23:44

Hello everyone

I stumbled across the thread title, it's very long and I will read through I promise!

Hope you don't think me rude for the interjection.

I just hoped someone might have some advice for me regarding my introverted mum

Firstly I want to say myself, my mum and my dp really get along. We all live together with my toddler, who is obsessed with his nana

From the moment he wakes up he wants her. She is brilliant with him. And always says she loves being woken up by him confused and loves when he barges into her room.

But knowing she's an introvert, and also very passive, I worry she might find it all too full on. She would never say anything but I sometimes get the feeling and I feel so bad for her. I try to keep him out of her room as much as possible, and arrange to go out at weekends so she has time to herself.

I don't know what else to do and I'm worried she can't cope with the constant demands!

Any advice? It's kind of an impossible situation but any pearls of wisdom would be appreciated smile

greenhill Thu 24-Jul-14 18:15:53

Nice to see some new faces here smile even if we are all in our own bubbles in RL. grin

TheLoveGorilla Thu 24-Jul-14 17:51:05

I would love a bubble at work... It sounds lovely! but I'm a teacher so lots of interaction throughout the day, lots of group planning and meetings and working together. Thanks for your responses, I will try to find a middle ground between the two.

A combination seems sensible.
Most people who know me dont know im an introvert and would laugh at the idea.

I live my life in a bubble with my husband and children (who feel enough like an extention of me that I can relax around them, they dont tire me).

When I come out of the bubble I can be as outgoing and social as the next person but I need to be able to control how long im out and when I go back in. Keeping in touch through facebook helps as im not good with phones.

At work my bubble is my room. It has a door that shuts and inside I only have to deal with people one to one or small groups occasionally and I get to decide when they come in (they have appointments but I press the button to say im ready).

TellBent Thu 24-Jul-14 10:13:49

How about a combination of those two things? Work on your social skills, confidence and self esteem, but do it for yourself rather than to try to force yourself to be someone you're not or to be 'normal'. Meanwhile, enjoy the friends you have and don't care about what everyone else thinks.

TheLoveGorilla Thu 24-Jul-14 09:57:01

Hi, I wonder if you have any advice for me. I am an introvert through and through and dislike social situations involving more than a few people. At work, this means I don't have many friends as I think perhaps people think I'm rude and stand offish. Often I make myself go to events though so I'm not totally withdrawn. However, a few things have happened recently that have really upset me, like not being invited to a party as one example, so my question is this...

How do I respond to these feelings?

A) think sod it, I know I'm shit in social situations, so what, if people can't be bothered to get to know me that's their loss. (I do have one or two people who do make time to see me now and then in a smaller setting). Just enjoy the friends you have and don't worry about the rest, I don't need to be everyone's friend. This means accepting that I will frequently not be invited out or involved in the subsequent discussions.

Potential problem with this is that I may continue to feel lonely because I lack any really close friends who I feel I can truly be myself with. (I'm desperate for a friend like this, as I can't stand superficial relationships, maybe I just have to accept that I may never have this)

B) try to make more effort to be one of those easy going, laughing, chatty, sociable, relaxed people in a bid to seem more 'normal'. I could do this by maybe working on my self esteem and my chatting skills, taking more risks and forcing myself to show my face more frequently in the staff room etc.

Potential problem with this is I try and fail, which will hurt more if I am then rejected by peers for being weird. (I'd rather be seen as aloof and even rude than as strange and irritating.)

I just feel so confused. I have a deep fear of rejection stemming from an incident when I was 18 (now 28) so sometimes I wonder whether my fear of social interaction is a balanced mixture of introversion/low self confidence or if it's more one than the other.

Sorry for the really long post! Thanks for reading if you made it to the end!

Smilesandpiles Sat 19-Jul-14 20:54:10

I made myself laugh today..

Nothing says that you are an introvert more than seeing someone walk past your house and you silently tell them to "keep walking" in your head.

Smilesandpiles Sat 12-Jul-14 09:32:38

I can't see the point in asking loads and loads of questions. Like you, I learn a hell of a lot more by just listening and watching. If I have a question I tend to look it up or reasearch it - if I haven't found an answer, THEN I ask.

I tend to find people who ask a constant streams of questions without actually stopping to think for 5 minutes really, really irritating and loose patience with them in record time.

I am sometimes seen as rude for not talking as much as others seem to think I should. Other times I am downright rude and don't care - especially when people are talking at me when I'm eating, even more so when it's about what I am eating. A short, "I DON'T CARE what you think, please go away" usully works and gets me into trouble .

Most people who admit to "not being a people person" I have met turned out to be either Policemen and women or something else along those lines. The more I think about, the more it seems to fit. This was actually pointed out to me by a police officer - TWICE on two seperate occations.

I need a rant.

When will this bloody summer end? I'm bored of it. DS hates it, I hate it, I'm surrounded by inconsiderate idiots who light fires, who then bloody complain they have nothing to set fire to on Bonfire night, and nothing gets done. I've got a constant headache, DD is getting them now as well, so she's turning out to be like me (she's just joined the Aircadets so she can be with "other kids who aren't idiots mum and can actually talk to each other without the need to screech and post it on facebook"). I think I'm bringing up another 2 introverts, both are shaping up to be that way. Neither are very social and have very little patience when it comes to groups and group activities.

rivierliedje Wed 09-Jul-14 17:06:24

Oh is liking rainy days an introvert thing? That explains why I like them so much and nobody else seems to.

I'm doing student placements at the moment and I'm getting annoyed at everybody always commenting that I'm too quiet and don't ask enough questions. I pick up a lot more by listening and observing, then looking things up if neccessary than constantly asking questions. Anyway, I can never think of good questions on the spot like that, if I have a genuine question, I'll ask the next day after having an evening to fully form it thank you.

Sorry, needed to rant. 7 more weeks, I can survive that right?

Southeastdweller Wed 09-Jul-14 16:45:45

Hi enormouse. This book may help you.

Do you already have a degree?

I work with the public, but in a one on one setting (healthcare). I have no problems making small talk with people...on my terms. I am also self employed so don't have to do the whole 'office' hideousness with loads of colleagues.

When I did work in a larger setting with lots of other people I absolutely hated it. In fairness they probably thought I was as odd as a box of hair, but they were all Whoopers who spent every day in a noisy, shouty tornado of constant talking. You couldn't even sit in the lunch room with a book without at least one of them talking at you about their latest fad diet or critiquing your book.

("what are you reading, what's it about, is it good, can I see it, why are you always reading, you're very quiet, are you always quiet, what are you eating, is it nice, there's 13 points in that you know...?")

So, I would advise a smaller setting where you can control your environment and limit contact with crowds of people if at all possible. Nowhere corporate where they do 'teambuilding' or 'bonding' or 'motivational chanting' [shudder].

If you can't avoid a large open plan office nightmare situation then you are going to need an awful lot of time to yourself to recharge wink

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