INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

(922 Posts)

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. grin

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

feckthemall Tue 28-Jul-15 17:41:44

MrsNippycat I am in the exact same place as you. We are going on hols soon and tbh it fantastic knowing I won't feel like I have to talk to anyone outside the family for a whole week!

MrsNippyCat Sun 26-Jul-15 19:24:15

Hello, I've stumbled across this thread and think it's just the place for me. I'm very much introverted but also dealing with some anxiety and low level depression crap just now so dealing with people, socialising, anything beyond the absolute necessities really is pretty exhausting and just beyond me.

I think I'll like it here though.

southeastdweller Fri 24-Jul-15 19:18:47

Summer has taken a welcome back seat today and there's lots of lovely rain tonight in my part of the U.K so I quickly came home from work to make the most of it with a nice dinner, reading and watching TV. May even go crazy and put my electric blanket on for a while grin

Frostycake Mon 22-Jun-15 14:25:12

Oh Bless you Hattie that sounds just like me.

When I lived with the Ex (first one), he used to spend a few months away and then come back for a few months. The months when he was away, I'd dread the daily phone calls asking where I'd been, who I'd seen, what I'd done etc. When he was at home, I used to dread coming home from work because he'd start the interrogation as soon as I got in. No time to decompress! In the end, I used to pull into the church yard down the road for half an hour to mentally prepare. He was a lovely man (honestly) just drove me nuts! That and the following me around the house.

Hattiebones Tue 16-Jun-15 21:39:27

It's so wonderful to be understood! Yes we both are into current affairs so I could try and make that my project!
I canceled today's call it felt like such a relief! I then went on to txt him about my day anyway, I guess it was on my terms and not under preasure.

Aladyinsane Tue 16-Jun-15 19:15:58

Hi Hattie, are you interested in current affairs? You could start by saying 'did you hear about the situation in...' Or 'what's your opinion on...' I always find at helps me to defer to something meaningful rather than chit chat about my very average day. Is rather talk about someone else other than myself.

Oh, and you're not alone. I always get grumpy on the phone and then feel immediately guilty once the phone is down - I just can't help it!

Hattiebones Tue 16-Jun-15 18:11:47

I think you are right Blue! I don't like have to dredge up emotions of the day to tell him. I have no choice about when he rings, I can't ring him because he works offshore so it can't be when I feel ready for it.

greenhill Tue 16-Jun-15 17:48:45

Hattie can you get away with saying "I pottered in the house/ garden/ made dinner/" then say.... I read an interesting article about <insert interesting topic> or heard something on the radio about <an interesting idea> and try to get him to talk about that?

DH has an elderly great aunt who is very nice but a bit difficult on the phone, I always have a mental check list of topics to discuss with her and when the DC were tiny I had an actual list of things to talk to her about, I wouldn't have remembered what to chat about otherwise, due to sleep deprivation!

BluebCheesecake Tue 16-Jun-15 17:23:56

Hi Hattie, I hate it when dh asks how my day was as soon he walks in the door. I feel interrogated.. and specially with the phone calls. You're in your own little world and asking about your day makes you come back to the bigger world. Maybe it's to do with it being a personal question, talking about other things or ideas keeps the attention away from you, and doesn't involve possible emotions you may have had in the day? I will tell husband about my day, but when I am ready for it. Obviously a bit hard when it's the one phone call. Could you phone him instead at a time that you're ready and prepared?

Hattiebones Tue 16-Jun-15 16:36:49

Hello there, it's my first post on this thread.
I've had this problem for ages but only just figured it could be to do with being an introvert! I would love your thoughts!
My DH works away and rings me every night. I dread the calls! I feel 'interrupted' and get a bit grumpy, I'm not proud of it. It's the questions that drive me mad. I like talking about 'real' things or ideas, I REALLY hate it when he asks 'what I did today' or if 'I have anything planned to do today' does anyone have any wise thoughts as to what's going on or what I can do?

soapydopeybubbles Fri 12-Jun-15 17:32:48

I've found my kind of people grin I do like spending short amounts of time with people but I find it far easier if I'm not really required to interact and can instead just listen to the conversations.

I find it very difficult being a mum and an introvert; I want DS to have the opportunity to be sociable and to make friends but at the same time I find toddler groups exhausting and can only manage to go to something once a week.

I've written a blog post about being an introverted mum

23weeksocks

Gilrack Thu 11-Jun-15 22:45:30

grin Alady. Thanks for your advice - it's very good. I'm rarely "happy" but am content, which is a relatively new thing for me. I've got physical & mental health crap to contend with, which limit my potentials quite severely, but have been thinking I might also be using them as an excuse to some degree. A low level of interaction's a good recommendation, I feel.

Lovely to hear you've created the right balance for you, IsIt!

Aladyinsane Thu 11-Jun-15 19:19:42

Gilrack, could you arrange a few small things such as coffee with one or two friends. Every now and then just to keep up that feeling of friendship with real people rather than FB. I keep up a low level of interaction so I don't feel like a hermit but it's always a small affair with lots of recovery time in between.

are you happy? As long as you're happy then there's nothing to worry about. If and when you feel like meeting with people more then it's easily rectified by joining a club or arranging things with old friends or new acquaintances.

None of us are 100% introvert or extrovert so it's not a surprise that you have leaned towards one or the other at various times in life.

I'd forgotten about this thread, seeing it today made me wonder for a brief moment about why it doesn't have a bigger profile on Most Active, then I remembered that we're all introverts so of course it wasn't going to have a high profile! grin

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy Thu 11-Jun-15 17:14:17

I think people can change. I've only just found this thread and consider myself an introvert, but I'm becoming more able to cope with socialising as I'm getting older.
I personally think its all about having what you need to be happy.
When I was younger, I was very very shy, loved my own company and found being around large groups almost impossible, so I kept myself to myself, but it came to the point where this meant I didn't really have any friends and my life consisted of work, home and seeing my family. It made me unhappy so I changed it - I now do a job in a large office which comes with a social life. I've made friends and it has upped my confidence, so although Im never going to be life and soul, I think I have the balance that makes me happy. Now, I go to work and talk to people, but if its too much I can put my head down and do some work that takes up too much concentration to be chatty. I have a few different groups of friends who I see every month or so but they understand why I disappear. I have been on some hen do's, attended big weddings and birthday parties, but I have to balance it with time alone. So I think Im still and introvert I have the house to myself for 3 days this weekend and am disproportionately happy about it but balance this out as no social contact pushes me towards being unhappy.

From your post I think it may be less about being an introvert and more about being unhappy at the moment? Would spending more time with friends / family make you happier?

Gilrack Thu 11-Jun-15 15:24:13

Can a person change? I've been an extrovert all my adult life until sometime in my 40s. Now I'm so bloody introverted I'm practically a hermit! I still love people, but need about 5x the social time spent to recover from what used to be effortless.

But I was a solitary, bookish child. I always thought this was just because of my big family, but reading the 'introverted mum' blog made me question myself.

confused I don't really like being an introvert. All my relationships have dwindled to a smattering of Facebook 'likes'. Should I be worried? Should I even care? (Am I asking the wrong people?!)

Frostycake Thu 28-May-15 15:47:28

Oh god, heaven preserve us from the friendly nosey types. grin

Yes, in five years time your daughter will be begging you to drop her off around the corner or down the road.

BiBaB1 Thu 28-May-15 13:59:36

Thanks frostycake. I am sure that scowl is there already whether I try or not! ('Don't you dare talk to me today..') Dd is a bit too unsure herself still on this big school playground that i can't just 'chuck' her out of the car yet. But yeah, I suppose it won't be forever. Can't wait till she is older and doesn't want mummy tagging along all the time smile. I think I might ask my husband to do more of the school run/parties. He is not keen either but it doesn't seem to bother him so much. He doesn't care if he doesn't enjoy it, is happy to sit with a coffee on his own at a children's party, which I would absolutely hate. Problem is there are too many friendly people in this town grin.

Frostycake Thu 28-May-15 11:02:04

welcome BiBaB1 I can't advise you as I don't have children but I've read many posters like you who say that they drop their children off at the gate from the car and simply drive off! (making sure that the child/children are safely inside school gates of course). That's one way to do it. The other is to get someone else more sociable to do the drop-off/pick-ups.

Failing that, you could cultivate an off-putting scowl when in the vicinity of the school grin

BiBaB1 Wed 27-May-15 16:49:13

Hi all. This is my first ever message on here, posting feels a bit like socialising, which, as a true introvert, i'd rather not do when I have time to myself ... I am so glad to have found this thread though! When my dd was really little, I forgot for a while how I struggle with being 'out there'. I was home a lot of the time and loved it! But now she has started school and it's bringing me down a bit. I would so like to hear that there are other mums who hate the school run every day (twice!), play dates, parties etc. Just because with a school child there is not a single day that you can avoid seeing lots of people and chatting to all kinds of people. And having to interact with people all the time just stresses and tires me out. I am quite confident in myself and do like a chat once I know people, but the fact that I have no choice, that it is every single day, even when tired or just absolutely not in the mood, and will be for the next ten years at least, makes me a bit depressed to be honest. Sometimes dd goes to child-minder after school, even if I am not working, but I wish there was a way that I wouldn't hate it so much, don't really just want to grin and bear it for the rest of her school days sad! Does this get better as you get used to it [she said hopefully grin].

Frostycake Tue 26-May-15 21:01:40

MERELYPUSSEDOFF I thought that said "i always pop next door to let the log out." grin

< lowers tone of naice quiet thread >

MERLYPUSSEDOFF Tue 26-May-15 18:56:54

I always pop next door to let the dog out. My next door neighbour is very accommodating and just lets me get on with it.

MrsSquirrel Tue 26-May-15 14:39:02

grin at getting a job to avoid the inlaws.

Frostycake Tue 26-May-15 14:31:48

Bugger... that should be 'go for a jog not job.

I'm not suggesting you get a job just to avoid your in-laws (although it's a possibility if things get rough).

Frostycake Tue 26-May-15 14:29:57

RoganJosh I don't have this problem since ditching the misserable ex and his marauding family but when i did, my tactics used to be;

- extended trips to the loo (with a book/kindle)
- going for a lie down with a made up headache
- going to the shop for supplies which are not needed
- taking the dog for a walk
- arranging some other event away from home while they're there

You could also look at reducing the amount of days you stay, so for example arrive late on day one, stay on day two but go out to get away from them then leave early on day three so you really only have one full day with them.

Do the same when they visit you - tell them they can only stay for a weekend and arrange to be somewhere else/do something that they can't accompany you to

If all else fails, plug your ipod/iphone earbuds in and go for a job/walk/mooch around the garden.

And Finally - as they're your DH's family, make him step up and do the 'hosting/entertaining' and don't allow him to simply check out with the TV/newspaper/gym/work excuses. <voice of experience >

MrsSquirrel Wed 20-May-15 13:03:35

When I am in those situations, I just disappear every so often. I go to the bedroom, close the door and sit with a book for a while (or just sit wink). My dp knows about my strategy and makes excuses for me if needed, but most of the time nobody notices/minds. Yes of course I want to have a nice visit, but I don't feel obligated to spend every waking moment with the visitors.

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