INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

(907 Posts)

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. grin

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

Frostycake Thu 28-May-15 15:47:28

Oh god, heaven preserve us from the friendly nosey types. grin

Yes, in five years time your daughter will be begging you to drop her off around the corner or down the road.

BiBaB1 Thu 28-May-15 13:59:36

Thanks frostycake. I am sure that scowl is there already whether I try or not! ('Don't you dare talk to me today..') Dd is a bit too unsure herself still on this big school playground that i can't just 'chuck' her out of the car yet. But yeah, I suppose it won't be forever. Can't wait till she is older and doesn't want mummy tagging along all the time smile. I think I might ask my husband to do more of the school run/parties. He is not keen either but it doesn't seem to bother him so much. He doesn't care if he doesn't enjoy it, is happy to sit with a coffee on his own at a children's party, which I would absolutely hate. Problem is there are too many friendly people in this town grin.

Frostycake Thu 28-May-15 11:02:04

welcome BiBaB1 I can't advise you as I don't have children but I've read many posters like you who say that they drop their children off at the gate from the car and simply drive off! (making sure that the child/children are safely inside school gates of course). That's one way to do it. The other is to get someone else more sociable to do the drop-off/pick-ups.

Failing that, you could cultivate an off-putting scowl when in the vicinity of the school grin

BiBaB1 Wed 27-May-15 16:49:13

Hi all. This is my first ever message on here, posting feels a bit like socialising, which, as a true introvert, i'd rather not do when I have time to myself ... I am so glad to have found this thread though! When my dd was really little, I forgot for a while how I struggle with being 'out there'. I was home a lot of the time and loved it! But now she has started school and it's bringing me down a bit. I would so like to hear that there are other mums who hate the school run every day (twice!), play dates, parties etc. Just because with a school child there is not a single day that you can avoid seeing lots of people and chatting to all kinds of people. And having to interact with people all the time just stresses and tires me out. I am quite confident in myself and do like a chat once I know people, but the fact that I have no choice, that it is every single day, even when tired or just absolutely not in the mood, and will be for the next ten years at least, makes me a bit depressed to be honest. Sometimes dd goes to child-minder after school, even if I am not working, but I wish there was a way that I wouldn't hate it so much, don't really just want to grin and bear it for the rest of her school days sad! Does this get better as you get used to it [she said hopefully grin].

Frostycake Tue 26-May-15 21:01:40

MERELYPUSSEDOFF I thought that said "i always pop next door to let the log out." grin

< lowers tone of naice quiet thread >

MERLYPUSSEDOFF Tue 26-May-15 18:56:54

I always pop next door to let the dog out. My next door neighbour is very accommodating and just lets me get on with it.

MrsSquirrel Tue 26-May-15 14:39:02

grin at getting a job to avoid the inlaws.

Frostycake Tue 26-May-15 14:31:48

Bugger... that should be 'go for a jog not job.

I'm not suggesting you get a job just to avoid your in-laws (although it's a possibility if things get rough).

Frostycake Tue 26-May-15 14:29:57

RoganJosh I don't have this problem since ditching the misserable ex and his marauding family but when i did, my tactics used to be;

- extended trips to the loo (with a book/kindle)
- going for a lie down with a made up headache
- going to the shop for supplies which are not needed
- taking the dog for a walk
- arranging some other event away from home while they're there

You could also look at reducing the amount of days you stay, so for example arrive late on day one, stay on day two but go out to get away from them then leave early on day three so you really only have one full day with them.

Do the same when they visit you - tell them they can only stay for a weekend and arrange to be somewhere else/do something that they can't accompany you to

If all else fails, plug your ipod/iphone earbuds in and go for a job/walk/mooch around the garden.

And Finally - as they're your DH's family, make him step up and do the 'hosting/entertaining' and don't allow him to simply check out with the TV/newspaper/gym/work excuses. <voice of experience >

MrsSquirrel Wed 20-May-15 13:03:35

When I am in those situations, I just disappear every so often. I go to the bedroom, close the door and sit with a book for a while (or just sit wink). My dp knows about my strategy and makes excuses for me if needed, but most of the time nobody notices/minds. Yes of course I want to have a nice visit, but I don't feel obligated to spend every waking moment with the visitors.

RoganJosh Mon 18-May-15 11:22:29

Hello everyone. I've (quietly) read bits of this thread but wanted to ask some advice.
DH has a large family who live 5 hours away. We've just had some staying for three days and I have really struggled with constant polite conversation. I'm all peopled out from our small children before I add any more in tbh.
It's also really tough when we go and visit.
Anyone got any helpful ideas or strategies for how we keep in touch with them without my head exploding?

Frostycake Thu 14-May-15 15:48:07

Whataride come back and let us know how your hen weekend went; after you've had a lie down in a darkened room for a day that is grin

I'd never subject myself to a hen weekend - a night is bad enough. I used to escape to the loo just to have five minutes of peace and quite.

I only go on holiday with fellow introverts now. Much more civilised.

Frostycake Thu 14-May-15 15:44:09

grin at NorksAreMessy

YY to all that. I love the creeping away to a quiet corner to have a bit of think. I call it an afternoon of staring at the wall. grin

Oh god yes. The poppers in (fuckers)! It gets me extremely anxious and confused with the unexpectedness of it all (as if I'm an actress called on at the eleventh hour to give a performance).

I think this thread reflects us very well. It's very ... er... ponderous.

Heehee frosty. Me too.
Whenever I talk about this to my friends they all say 'noooo, not you, you seem so confident'
Well yes I am confident and can talk to people and laugh and am actually sometimes quite loud.
But then I have to creep away to a quiet corner and have a Bit Of A Think with no noise or distractions.

I have been staying with my poorly sister for a fortnight in a city. In real life I live in a field. It has been quite challenging, especially the level of 'popping in' that happens, with adults and teenagers.

<very proud this thread is still going. Two and a half years and still not reached 1000. Do you think there is a prize for the slowest thread? Perhaps introverts don't need to post very much because we consider very carefully what we are going to say>

Whataride Thu 16-Apr-15 13:42:56

Yikes, I'm an introvert and just signed up for a hen weekend. I've never done this before. I'll quite possibly enjoy the evening and want to spend the next day alone.

Allofaflumble Tue 14-Apr-15 17:25:05

Yes I was the "life and soul party girl" in my twenties and early thirties. Fuelled by booze and recreational drugs. It makes me shudder now.

Frostycake Fri 10-Apr-15 16:33:19

QuieteQuietly Yes, I used to do this all the time too when I was younger but I found that my 'acting' was so convincing that I got branded as 'extrovert' 'outgoing' 'confident' 'life & soul' a 'bit of a card' and 'ballsy' and people then assumed that I'd eagerly join in their party lifestyle or appreciate being moved into the sales team.

'Acting' as an extrovert really doesn't do anybody any favours but I agree that it's difficult not to do it especially if you're a people pleaser (as I am).

I am now referred to as a 'missery' or a kill-joy' but at least I'm authentic grin

Frostycake Fri 10-Apr-15 16:27:17

< waves shyly to fellow introverts >

TwoLeftSocks God yes! I did this at the start of the year and although some people remembered, most didn't and it was such a relief. I hate having a fuss made or being the centre of attention. I've since noticed that all my introvert friends on Facebook have done the same grin

Allofaflumbe Absolutely. Hate it for the 'outdoorsy rowdiness' that is thrust upon us and expected of us. I feel obliged to be out and about even if I'd rather shut the blinds and read a book by candle light with the cat. Like you, I think it's the noise. Everyone is outside, shouting, talking, playing music and it's impossible to think and I get overloaded very easily when it comes to noise. The constant light doesn't bother me but I dread the shouting and screaming from next door's young son (I know - I'm evil) as he doesn't stop from the moment he goes out at 8.00 am until he goes in at 7.00 pm. He just talks to himself or constantly shouts at the dog or calls for his father (who strikes me as an introvert as he practically lives in his shed).

I don't know about everyone else but I think it's an added strain being an introvert these days when extroversion is seen as the norm and how we are meant to behave (group think).

I can highly recommend 'Party of One' - The Loner's Manifesto by Anneli Rufus. The says 'some of us appear to be in but we are out and that is where we want to be.'

Southeastdweller Tue 07-Apr-15 22:15:21

Yes, All, I was feeling the dread today for the first time this year when I was on a very warm and very rammed bus on the way home. More noise, more crowds, more queues, not being able to sleep properly because of the heat...ugh.

Minnie11 Tue 07-Apr-15 20:24:34

Oh how interesting to come across a thread for Introverts. A few years ago, I realised how introverted I am. Interestingly, most people don't seem to think I am as I like to be with people for a while every day but then I usually want to go and be alone (I'm quite happy alone for hours regularly). I love to go to social events but only for a while, my estranged husband says I find people a novelty which wears off!! I love my job where I don't have much people interaction (just enough to keep me happy).
I must take a look at this book.

Allofaflumble Tue 07-Apr-15 19:41:58

Anyone else feeling depression creeping in at the thought of Summer on its way. I know a lot of people love it, but I hate the heat, the general noise of people and kids out in their gardens etc..
Any other killjoys out there?

Mamab33 Mon 06-Apr-15 09:43:54

<quite whisper> hello I'm so glad I have found you. Really identify with what Merlot and Quite said. Will look for the Susan Cain book. I'm going to join the library. Hmmm endless books.

Meemoll Tue 24-Mar-15 16:55:47

I don't have mine on facebook, I just prefer to hear from people who have remembered my birthday rather than reminding the (facebook) world that they should say 'happy birthday' to me. I've always been a bit weird about birthdays though, so maybe it's just me!

TwoLeftSocks Fri 27-Feb-15 16:10:18

I'm glad this thread is still going.

I have a question, wondering if I'm alone in this. I've decided to undeclared my birthday to the world by changing my facebook settings.

Family and long time friends might remember that it's this Sunday but I really don't want a fuss. It's not a big birthday, that'll be next year when I plan to be in hiding, out of the country.

Does anyone else feel, increasingly, like this about birthdays?

Southeastdweller Sun 08-Feb-15 22:14:23

Has anyone agreed with you, Quite, of the people you go out with? Just wondering if you may be overthinking it?

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