Disorganised Chaos!

[Jodee]

Help! I am starting to sink under the mess and muddle that I call my house. It's not that my house is dirty (not by my standards anyway) - I am managing to keep on top of the housework, (apart from dusting)in fact I probably spend too much time cleaning and hoovering, when my son is asleep - I think it's important to spend quality time with him when he is awake, not cleaning the house. I don't want to get into a debate about how much help we get from our partners with the housework (my husband does all his own ironing, so he is a complete saint in my eyes).
To get to the point - I can't get to grips with the other stuff, particularly paperwork. I'm one of those 'just in case' people - for example, some rubbishy circular will come through the letterbox and I will put it to one side, just in case. The same goes for bank statements, till receipts, those mini statements you get from the hole-in-the-wall... the list goes on. My bedside cabinet is piled high with stuff, mainly because the drawers are already stuffed full! My husband is getting irritated with me now as my stuff is starting to encroach onto his side of the bedroom and he is threatening to get a black sack and chuck every piece of paper lying around into it.
Things started to go from bad to worse when ds was born 16 months ago; I would really like to get on top of this thing before no 2 comes along, which is nearly in the pipeline.
There was another thread about mess and untidiness and someone mentioned a site called LifeCoachingAcademy.com which sounded like it would be helpful, but it is under construction.
Please tell me I am not the only one like this, and any help would be very gratefully received, before I completely turn into my mother, who is 100 times worse (in fact my husband won't even let me take my ds round to her house, she has to come to us!)

[Joe]

Jodee, Im the same. My husband is used to a spotless house, I have my MIL to thank for that, but I am used to living in a 'very lived in' house, my mum to thank for that (if there is something better to do than do it), so we have to meet in the middle. I too collect paperwork and go through it on occasions and am surprised on how much you dont need. I just find time time to do it when I can. Sometimes if my son is asleep for a couple of hours Im surprised how much I can get done. My MIL is coming over today to play with my son while I get on and do some painting so the rest will have to wait. I will be busy next week though my son is being Christened and we are having everyone back to our house. Then I have to start on the spare room, mmm thats another story and completly different kind of mess.

[Winnie]

Jodee, my advice to you would be don't waste time redoing housework each week for instance dusting, do it once then you know its been done and don't do it again until the next week unless you really have to (for instance visit from inlaws)... of course this isn't always practical we virtually live fulltime in our kitchen/dinning room and it has to be vacuumed on a regular basis but I do the essentials and in only doing certain things once a week/fortnight/month (depending on the job) I somehow seem to keep ontop of things. (Whether this continues once I return to work is a different matter). Furthermore, whilst I agree that children deserve quality time, so do you! Racing around like a headless chicken whilst your child sleeps doesn't give you a break and gives them the sense that there must be a fairy who appears whilst they are asleep... why not compromise, give yourself a break and don't feel bad about doing some of the chores in your childs presence. My baby loves the vacuum so is quite happy to play with that whilst I do something by his side. He also loves playing with pots and pans etc. As for the paperwork simply set aside the same time everyweek and make an appointment with yourself to always do it. The skill comes, in my humble opinion, in keeping on top of things, not on being superMum... don't be too hard on yourself. In the first instance be ruthless and minimise, minimise, minimise... it is amazing how much difference getting rid of non essentials can making. How often do the things you keep 'just in case' really come in...? Alternatively file the 'just in cases'... I have found having a ordered filing system saves so much time and energy... Must stop babbling... good luck.

[Bells1]

Jodee my husband sounds like you - he keeps absolutely everything. I am the complete opposite and am utterly ruthless. I open the mail next to the bin and anything that I don't absolutely have to keep goes straight into it. My handbag gets emptied once a week and anything in my wardrobe that I haven't worn for a year (and has no sentimental value) goes to the charity shop. I very rarely regret havng got rid of anything. Only suggestion I have is to confine your paper work to some sort of filing cabinet and have a major clear out and chuck out any unecessary paper work that is more than say a year old. I promise you - you will feel much better!.

[Joe]

Winnie, I agree with minimising, with a couple of weeks to spare I have started to de-clutter, its put more into the spare room (which I plan to do in the next couple of days including all the boxes that havent been unpacked since moving in over a year ago), but made the rest of the house easier to tidy quickly therefore leaving more time for me and our son (and a longer visit to the ponies on occasions). I only dust when it is obvious. But I wish I had done the spare room earlier, I have just had the gas man in and he had to clamber over everything to get to the boiler to relight it, abit embarrassing, never mind Im sure he has seen worse, not much but maybe a bit.

[Joe]

Winnie, I agree with minimising, with a couple of weeks to spare I have started to de-clutter, its put more into the spare room (which I plan to do in the next couple of days including all the boxes that havent been unpacked since moving in over a year ago), but made the rest of the house easier to tidy quickly therefore leaving more time for me and our son (and a longer visit to the ponies on occasions). I only dust when it is obvious. But I wish I had done the spare room earlier, I have just had the gas man in and he had to clamber over everything to get to the boiler to relight it, abit embarrassing, never mind Im sure he has seen worse, not much but maybe a bit.

[Tigermoth]

Jodee, no you're not the only one who hoards paperwork. I find it really difficult to throw away bits of paper, too. Bells' practice of opening mail whilst standing next to the bin is a good one - and something I try to do.

I do think it's a good idea to hoard bank statements, at least for three months. Banks often charge for dupilcate statements, and if you apply for loans or a mortgage etc, you usually need to show them.

How about adopting a 'halfway house' approach? This works for me. Get some storage files or boxes and label them eg 'Holiday 2001 paperwork' 'Vouchers June to December' then pile in everything, leave for a few months, then empty in one fell swoop.

Also, periodically, wander round the house with a bin bag and sweep all inessentails into it. It's amazing how quickly it fills up.

[Sml]

There's some paperwork you just have to keep. Personally, I never throw away old bills, wage slips, letters from employer, bank statements, or correspondence relating to legal matters. But it does all come in at such a rate that I too have a huge pile of unfiled stuff in the bedroom, yes, it attracts scathing comments about my lack of organisation. I'm currently thinking about ways to improve my filing system to make it quicker to get the bits of paper where they belong. At the moment, I have to open a drawer, find the relevant envelope file, open it and put the paper in. Am thinking that a filing cabinet would be quicker. Open the drawer, spot the stick up label, and shove the paper in. I could archive the contents of the cabinet a couple of times a year. Paperwork is a much underrated task - I spend 3 or 4 hours a week paying bills, writing letters, doing accounts etc.

[Alibubbles]

I too tend to let my paper work mount up. It starts as a pile on the dining room table, then the piano, then the breakfast room dresser, on top of the microwave, under the dining room table in a box, one lot goes upstairs to my ofice, on my desk, adding to another unsorted pile. Then... the school fees need paying so I have to go through it all at least once a term! I collected it all in a laudry basket this month, I sat down and did it all in one afternoon. It works well, all stuff not chased up after a month gets binned. If I haven't sent off for the special offers, I obviously can live without them -save money!
My husband also works from home, he also has an office, I"m not even allowed to open my mail in there!! He knows that I'll leave a mess of envelopes. The funny thing is I really prefer it all tidy, and I feel so good after doing it.
I spent three hours tidying my laundry cupboard today, sad I know, but I could never work whose sheets are whose, single, double or superking, as they are all white! I arranged my towels in colour orders so every one knows which pile is theirs. (My son leaves his in a pile on the bedroom floor) so if they run out, tough! It means they haven't put them in the basket for washing!

[Rhiannon]

Oh nightmare!! My problem is if I put it away I can't find it again! So everything is out where I can see it! I have now adopted a large red plastic box about 18 inches deep and 2 foot across, I now throw everything in it that doesn't have a home!

I got up at 6am today to have 2 hours tidying before anyone else woke. I got loads done and even went through the red box and did a bit of throwing away.

I have piles for re-cycling, piles for the nearly new sale, piles for the charity shop, piles of bills, coupons, magazines that I can't throw away because they're so nice. I also like to keep an entire travel agent of brochures just in case.

I have a large-ish house and the problem is I can make a big mess and it doesn't matter too much but then I find there's a big mess in all the rooms!

[Jodee]

Some great tips guys, thanks. I like the idea of standing by the bin when opening the post, that way the real junk will go in it rather than on the mantlepiece/top of TV.
Oh to have a BIG house! My spare room is not so spare any more (my son's in it) which is where I used to hoard most of my junk.
I really admire your ruthlessness, Winnie, in minimising! I have tried, REALLY tried, to do some sort of filing, and get as far as sorting everything into neat orderly piles, but then the piles just stay put. I think I need a filing cabinet - or maybe a shredder.
I can organise my boss, I need someone to organise me!

[Bloss]

Message withdrawn

[Emski]

So glad I'm not the only one!. My house is never tidy, even though I my daughters nap times to tidy up. It's like fighting a losing battle. My boyfriend is a real horder, i have to smuggle newspspers out, as he keeps them all, saying he hasn't read them all yet, but he never touches them, they just lie around taking up space!. I'm not much better though, and we live in a tiny bungalow, so maybe I'mm gonna have to get ruthless!

[Bo]

My problem is a lack of self-discipline, I guess at times I'm too tired or just plain lazy. plus 2 toddlers plus the messiest husband in the world. He just has to walk into a room and it's a tip. Paperwork is also a big problem for me. I pay most of my bills on-line & have files for everything, but it all just ends up in a giant circular pile on the floor around the computer.

A big task I never seem to get done are the floors. We have tiled or wooden floors in most of our house so I have to hoover then mop. I can't hoover when during nap time -wake them up - but when they're awake, they are in the way. I just never seem to get it done until my footsteps get crunchy! I'm so disgusting! As for dusting????
My mum's house is immaculate. We had a big family party there recently, and 5 minutes after the last guest left you'd never have known anyone had been there. How does she do it?

Someone should run a 'how to be a good housewife' course. They tell you how to look after a baby, but suddenly giving up a long-hours full-time job to being at home all the time - I just don't know how to do it.

My bathroom is disgusting. Everytime we have guests come to stay I have nightmares about getting the house clean & tidy, then am in a bad mood and run ragged right up to the minute they arrive.

I've tried writing out 'daily to-do' lists, but then the day comes and I can't face it or or or

Come on somebody - save me from my self-inflicted domestic hell. How do you have the perfect (or at least reasonable house) and have meals for the family and look half decent - I can't remember the last time I wore make up??!!!!

[Copper]

BO
I've never managed it! But just think of all the things you do manage - I bet you mum doesn't have half as much stacked up against her to stop her getting the house pristine. We had really houseproud friends (unseen for about 4 years) drop in on us - they rang from the end of the road to say they were in the area and were coming to see us. It was a nightmare - unflushed loos (my boys never flush the loo), muck and dust and mess piled up everywhere -not a clean room in the house to park them in. But at the end of the visit I was really glad to have seen them - hospitality more important than house pride. I have to say, since then I have kept it marginally tidier ...

[Jj]

Bo, I have a book called "Confessions of an Organized Homemaker : The Secrets of Uncluttering Your Home and Taking Control of Your Life" by Deniece Schofield. It's really pretty good-- definitely some good hints on how to get things running and do the whole housewife bit. My confession is that everything came into line for me when I hired a cleaner. That doesn't say anything about the book though.. just me. (I have the same effect on the house as your husband, unfortunately.)

Here's the URL, if you'd like to read reviews of it:
www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1558703616/202-0743498-2646225?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[Tigermoth]

Bo I know exactly what you mean about hoovering during nap time. We have some tiled and wooden floors, too. I never hoover them - I just get a big broom, sweep the dust and debris into a pile and then get the brush and dustpan out. Much quieter than a hoover and pretty quick. Then wash the floors with a mop.

[Rhiannon]

I use a Swiffer for my hard floors. I've seen an ad. recently for flushable wipes that you can clean the loo with. Thought they were a good idea for a quick whizz round each day.

I'll have to go, my red box is getting full again.

Perhaps if we spent less time typing and did some housework we might get more done. NAH!!

[Bo]

Thanks - I was kicking myself for that post thinking I'd just told the world I'm a disgusting pis! but you've made me feel much better - I've even actually cleaned the floors - downstairs at least -= and Ji - I've ordered that book - cheers!

[Bo]

OOOppppssssss! pig NOT pis!

[Jodee]

Bo, you may not be a disgusting pis, but you gave me a big laugh with your typo! That book you ordered had rave reviews didn't it, I so wish I could afford a cleaner, so I'll be out to get that book too.

[Janh]

my biggest problem is instant gratification - oh for the willpower to get the jobs done and THEN sit down at the computer...
piles of paper everywhere - about 10 banana boxes full of books because i emptied 2 bookcases as a start towards painting the sitting room - ha! - boxes of hand-me-downs, bags for oxfam, bags for next year's chernobyl children, 3 fruit boxes full of children's artwork to be whittled down, and best of all 3 addis stacking crates - large size - full of STUFF which i just can't seem to rationalise...
would it be better if we had a garage to stack all this stuff in? or would we just have a garage full AND a house full? (answers on a plain postcard...) could hypnotherapy be the answer?
i don't even have any pre-schoolers to help excuse the mess - just a massive computer habit!

[Bexi]

I'm going to make my boyfriend read this thread. He's always laughing at me for being so anal when it comes to filing bills and statements - he thinks I have some sort of obsession when it comes to organising paperwork. I'm glad others seem to have some sort of system aswell. I don't know how we'd cope if it was down to him to make sure everything got paid on time!
I wish that the rest of my house was as organised and tidy as the insides of my box-files!

[Poppett]

I am glad to see that I am not the only one who can't do everything. Apparantly as a child I was very tidy and organised but now my house always looks like a bomb has hit it. I can't even blame the kids (altough they don't help) as before they came my house still wasn't immaculate. Both my dh and I worked but I still had to come home at the end of the day and tidy up - i expect you've all been there! and now I spend all day with the kids and tidy up -sometimes three or more times a day and other days I just can't be bothered as I know that as soon as i've tidied up they will get it all out again!. I also don't tidy up other rooms in the house -I'd rather play with the kids, as for ironing forget it unless it is something that really needs ironing. And paperwork , well I have a drawer full of bills and junk "just in case it will be usefull one day". I take my hat off completly to anyone who keeps their whole house tidy has immaculate children and looks great themselves and do they have any tips as to how I can achieve the same status as them.

[Winnie]

Poppet, does anybody do all the things you mention simultaneously?