Preg with twin boys, just read book about twins so now fearful about the negatives. Need positive stories please!!

[ShouldKnowByFriday]

Have 3 and 4 year old boy and girl and was hoping for another girl and boy as the twins are non identical so there was a chance they could be. Preferred girl and boy as I thought that would be more balanced all round. Tests revealed two boys so got my head around that. Read book as I thought it would be helpful and I found it quite negative when it talks about safety, own identity issues and also that after identical twins, twin boys are most likely to have behavoural difficulties. Instead of feeling warm and loving when I think about them (am 19wks) or when I feel them moving, I am really filled with dread at what I am in for. I just want the preg to be over with so I can meet them, fall in love with them and have my fears allayed. I am very happy to be preg (it took a long time) but am worried. The book is called 'Twins & Multiple Births' by Dr Carol Cooper and assisted by TAMBA. I don't know if anyone has read this and felt the same as me and if they could recommend something better to read?

I know that twins are tiring, I am all geared up for that but would really like to hear POSITIVE stories of having non identical twin boys please.

Please..............!!!!!!!!!! Thank you.

[sandyballs]

Oh god, I read that book when I was pregnant with my twins, put the fear of god into me. I was all geared up for them having difficulty talking, walking, being behind their peers etc etc.

I have non-identical girls who walked at 11 months, talked non-stop very early and are doing very well at school (now 5 years old), so please please don't worry. There are lots of mums with twin boys on here who I hope will post soon.

Congratulations, twins are hard work but lots of fun.

I did find another more positive book on twins but can't remember the name, will post later when I find it.

[lapinrose]

Oh I read that book when pregnant and it absolutely terrified me! I have non id girls and I have to say they are generally an absolute pleasure (I have mentally blocked out all the times when they're not ) I have a friend with non id boys the same age as mine and although she does have some horror stories they seem nice enough everytime I see them. Have a look at this thread for support, advice, shoulders to cry on etc...

[MarsLady]

There are a few mums of non-id DT boys on the thread linked.

We have lots and lots of positive stories and experiences for you (and a few that involve toilet duck lol). Come and join us and we'll help you rediscover the joy that is twins!

[frumpygrumpy]

Well, you've come to the right place!!

FWIW that was the only book in my local bookshop on twins and I too found it pretty useless. The girls on here will have many suggestions for better books and I hope these offer some help/guidance/support/comfort.

When you are pregnant with one child it can be worrying and daunting enough but when you are having more that that, there is a whole undiscovered world that I certainly couldn't get my head into and just kind of hoped for the best. Everyone and his wife seems to have some advice and some knowledge of how you feel even if they have never had twins!

My best advice is to join in our thread that we use daily on here. We're on our third one and we are a welcoming bunch who share the good, bad and ugly (I do ugly very well ). We all have varying ages of twins including a very new delivery and a delivery expected in the next few weeks. We've all had different experiences in different circumstances and we are all one - I hate to think how many children we have collectively!!

Jump aboard, Mars will bung on a lemon drizzle cake and I'll hoover........

[lapinrose]

Try this book Double Trouble I read it after the carol cooper one and it really cheered me up - far more realistic!

[emmatomATO]

My friend has non id twin boys and has no problems in behavioural ways. The main difference with hers are they don't even look like brothers let alone twins and whilst one is in the normal/average (for want of a better expression) intelligence range, the other is extreeeeeemely bright. I don't think this has caused a problem for her though.

[frumpygrumpy]

Y'see, we just hide behind the door waiting and when someone new arrives we all jump at once

Thats the thread!

[frumpygrumpy]

dingdong (lapinrose, but I prefer dingdong), do you think its too late for me to get that book??

My carol cooper one wasnt great and I'm looking for a realistic insight too!!!

[lapinrose]

FG I have it and will give it to you when we meet if you like m'dear

[Kelly1978]

THat book sounds awful it really does. I think it would have totally scared me! I have non-id boys and they are both doing really well. dt1 appears to be the brighter and dt2 is slightly behind him, but both are doing fine developmentally and I'm not worried. I think it is fun having twin boys (though bloody hard work) and although I originally would have liked one of each I was happy.

[frumpygrumpy]

dingdong!!! You know I don't do skin to skin

[frumpygrumpy]

shouldknowbyfriday, twins is a piece of piss, can't you tell? We all just sit about on MN all day waiting to pounce on twin mums to be as our houses look like soft play areas and our children look like orphans of the storm anyway so why change it

[throckenholt]

I have id twin boys - 4 next week - so far no behavioural problems at all (haven't read the other answers yet).

[speedymama]

I have twin non id boys and they are now 2yo 10 months. They are boisterous, engaging, mischievous, sly, affectionate, temperamental, inquisitive, humourous and ever so loving. They don't have identity issues even though I still dress them the same (makes my life easier) because they have there own personalities and I treat them as individuals. I cannot imagine my life without them.

Ignore that book. They will enrich your life so much.

[crocoonimper]

Hi
I have non ID boys aged nearly 5 now - i too read that book but they have never had any probs and are lovely sociable little horrors!... just started school, and are as able as any of their peers.
twins are a gift - enjoy.

[Overrun]

I have non identical boy dts, and they are gorgeous. I had to get over the hurdle of all ready having a son and desperately wanting a daughter, but I have got there.
However they are being particularly trying atm, so can't wax lyrical about them I am afraid.
Try me next week, and it will be a different story

[MilaMae]

I too read that book, nearly contacted Tamba to complain as I ended up in tears over it as I knew I was having boys. Extremely negative and a lot of it absolute tripe. I was a primary teacher and taught several sets of twins over the years most of which were placed in my top groups for language and numeracy. My 3 year old twins are non identical and both very able and believe me with a 2 year old daughter too I don't have much time so they haven't been hot housed at all. Double Trouble (I think that was it's title)is a lot more balanced and slightly humerous. Twins can be challenging at times(what kids aren't) but we are so lucky to be having the experience. You may get double the stress on wet windy afternoons like today but you get double the fun at other times too. You'll frequently stop and think I'm so lucky. Wouldn't change my little scamps for the world. Try not to worry about their birth weight, I was convinced they were going to be tiny(thanks to Dr Cooper) and they were 6lbs 12 and 6lbs 13. Somebody I know recently had twin boys 8lbs each!!!!!

[MilaMae]

Ummmm you may wish to ignore my post about play dates, it was posted after a particularly stressful park trip surrounded by smug mummies.

[MarsLady]

So why don't we see any of you ladies on the multiples thread? You have so much to share with the rest of us.... come along now. Click the link and join in the fun. lol

Speedy........ what date were your wee beasties born? Mine were 11.02.04.

[frumpygrumpy]

Mars, do you think we're so interesting we have a fan club of lurkers? Or so warped we are used as a blueprint of how not to mother?

[MarsLady]

I'm guessing.............. the blueprint! PMSL!

[frumpygrumpy]

[canadianmum]

Mum of 4 year old non-id boys here. They were born 7.5 weeks prematurely and I was prepared for loads of developmental and behavioural problems. So......hmmmm.....they are full of beans, affectionate, competitive, cheeky, messy, best of friends and worst of enemies at times. They fight regularly but also insist on sleeping in the same room and can often be found wandering around hand in hand. They are both very bright and doing very well at nursery school. So basically normal!

I read that book too, it made me cry for about 3 days. Ignore it! Your boys will be fine!!

[jampots]

i am a twin (have a sister). we werent late walking, talking or anything else. I was top of the year and the only one in our year at school to go for grammar school entry - my sister was not the same academically though. It isnt all bad but make sure they have their own identities and friends.

[ShouldKnowByFriday]

Thank you all so much. I think I started to panic on Friday when I heard a friend's daughter who is preg with a boy at 30wks has been told by ob that the baby's head has shrunk as she has just got over flu and would be severely retarded. I told her I hoped he was wrong and that I would keep in touch. Felt slightly anxious about my preg and went to be to read this bl**dy book only to read all the negatives about twins. The trouble is before a mother gives birth and is hormonal, the imagination can run wild.

So thank you, I feel I should join the multiples threads when they are born and then I can relate more to what it feels like to be a mother of twins.