Anyone with Algerian husband?

(126 Posts)
doublemuvver Sat 05-Mar-11 12:17:45

Curious to know of others married to Algerians and what, if any, cultural differences/issues you have experienced. We've been married 6 years and have 2 kids (twins). Life is a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes.

Layla11 Wed 21-Sep-16 14:09:55

Fingers crossed he seems to have come round a bit.
Just annoys me because he's normally very good.
Just one more bit of stress I didn't need.
The funeral is at a crematorium so it's not a religious service. I know that cremations are against Islam but it wasn't our choice and we won't see it happen.
I'm not sure if he's ever really been to any funerals before.

pinkmagic1 Wed 21-Sep-16 06:55:21

So sorry to hear about your brother Leyla. Your husband is being very unreasonable not to attend the funeral.
My dh of 19 years is an Egyptian muslim and has been to a number of non islamic funerals of various friends and family members in both the UK and Egypt.
He does not have to join in the prayers, it is about showing respect for the deceased individual and also supporting their friends and family. At the end of the day Muslims and Christians worship the same God. Sounds like he is on a bit of power trip by refusing to go tbh.

Layla11 Tue 20-Sep-16 12:49:15

As you are all in the same boat, I'm hoping I can vent on here.
My (usually very good) husband is threatening not to go to the funeral of my brother next week.
Even though he said he was a really nice man, he 'wasn't muslim' 😬
He's practicing Islam but isn't normally the preachy type. It angers me that this is the time he's decided to make a stand. I converted 8yrs ago but told him I will take my chances on this one!!!
Which one of us is being unreasonable?

Layla11 Tue 20-Sep-16 12:44:00

Algerian men can have quite fiery tempers. I remember the first time I went to the embassy for a visa seeing a load of them arguing. It almost put me off!
Unfortunately, Algerian or not, I think that no good can come from any relationship where one partner is overly jealous or possessive.
I think you need to question if this is the life you really want.
Is your BF quite new to England?
My husband gets funny about my 16yr old sometimes but I tell him he can't expect everything here to be like Algeria. He's been here 15 years!

tinylostcat Tue 20-Sep-16 01:34:27

I've been with an Algerian for nearly a year now, it's always been hard but he makes me feel so special.
He gets very angry though and is extremely jealous and possessive. I never see my friends anymore.
Despite this, I love spending time with him.
I do however worry about having children with him...
I care so much about him though, and he never listens.
Would love advice xx

Rienfenty Wed 13-Jul-16 19:41:58

Salam to everyone I just realised this post has been updated since I last commented! I hope everyone had a lovely Ramadan and eid with their families. I did do my first Ramadan and it was super difficult, I also broke my hand during Ramadan so I found it especially difficult without medication. As for my husband I can't believe how different his attitude is from his first few months here till now, he has learned how to cook (eggs and borek) and was God sent during Ramadan helping me with everything! I love hearing everyone's stories on how they met their loved ones and about having children! x

Layla11 Fri 17-Jun-16 19:13:10

Hello/Salam alikoum
Thought I would share a positive experience as I have seen many negatives on here unfortunately 🙁
I have been with my husband for 10 years. We have 4 children together.
He had lived here for 5 years prior to my meeting him, which may have helped in his attitude.
I have converted to Islam by my own choosing, following a profound experience.
I have been to Algeria 8 times so far. We stay near Algiers so there is plenty to do.
We go out with the children almost every day to the market/for ice cream/ride horses/zoo/feed the monkeys...everything.
My husband does not go out without me unless he is going to the mosque/dr/dentist.
My MIL is very friendly and accommodating. We only speak a few words of each others languages, but we can communicate the important things.
I have met a few other English women who are married to Algerians whose husbands go out a lot, or holiday separately but we never have. The only nights we have spent apart were when I've been in hospital after the children's births.
He works hard, pays most of the bills and buys me nice gifts.
He even cooks and helps with the house work.
I guess I am lucky al hamdulillah

LaTempete Sat 11-Jun-16 07:15:47

Congrats comingfoccacia. I too never converted as I said from day one if he becomes a catholic I will convert to Islam. I also never fasted as he never does lent lol.
I describe myself as a lapsed Catholic I rarely attend mass and he is I guess a lapsed Muslim as fasting and mosque is not his thing. He was a chef for many years which made it harder.
As for communicating it is as much a men are from Mars thing most men retreat to their cave during arguments or difficult times. Re childcare I used to remind him that he is not babysitting his son just being his dad. He was always up for taking him out to the park but sitting at home with or without child was always torture for DH. We are planning retirement now and a home in the sun. I know he needs walking distance from a cafe or he will get stir crazy lol

Comingfoccacia Fri 10-Jun-16 19:40:16

Salaam all. I'm married to an Algerian for almost 12 years. We have b/g twins aged 8. I actually started the thread but have name changed since smile
We've had many highs and lows, things seem to be on a high at the moment, even in Ramadan! However we do not communicate very well and he's not great about putting his hand in his pocket to support us or helping out with childcare......
But kids love DZ, they are going for 4 weeks in summer. I have been many times but can't handle the heat of summer. I feel privileged to go to DZ as it's not easy to get a visa if you're not married to an Algerian. Fascinating culture and history. Love the talk of chorba and borek, very Ramadan!
I have not converted nor do I fast. Kids are being brought up as Muslim.
Would be good to keep this thread going. Saha!!

iniquity Sun 05-Jun-16 15:51:42

Hi Algerian, wives and girlfriends.. Need to think of a nick name for us, maybe AWGs ?
Anyway thanks for posting la tempete .. Nice to see a long marriage on here.
Beemybaby we will be cooking harira boreks salad and a meat dish and a nice French style dessert. My dh likes lots of little dishes that fill the table.. I always have my work cut out.
Who is fastingthis year? Reinfenty will this be your first Muslim ramadam?

LaTempete Mon 30-May-16 13:38:23

Rienfenty. It was hard at first hence his nickname for me. But storms are few and far between now😉

Rienfenty Mon 30-May-16 11:47:35

LaTempete that is such a lovely thing to see that you have been married for so long with an Algerian.

Beemybaby I am so nervous about what I'm going to cook
But what about kefta? My husband says chorba frik, dates and milk for morning and for the meal make a big salad with a meat meal and as for empty carbs try cooking with lentils or something starchy x

LaTempete Mon 30-May-16 11:02:16

Beemybaby this recioe might work for you.

LaTempete Mon 30-May-16 10:16:42

Just wanted to say that I met my DH in 1979 and married him in 1981. I understand the insecurities and frustration of newly weds. I have been through them as a twenty year old when I married. We are still together through all the ups and downs and I have no regrets. All marriages require compromise and adjusting to each other culture and religious differences add an extra layer to this. I have visited Algeria over 20 times and love it. There is so much to see and it is only in the last decade that I have been able to explore other towns. I have my own circle of friends in Algeria and my husband is happy for me to visit them whenever we are able to. I would like to apply for an Algerian passport as the visa application process is expensive and very inefficient. I used to be able to get a visa the same day back in the 80s. I have been advised that I must live in Algeria for 5 years to qualify as much as I love Dz I cannot live there neither would my DH want to we are settled in UK.

BeeMyBaby Sun 29-May-16 12:02:57

Pirate hunter, I would not really advise meeting an Algerian online if you are from an eu country if the Algerian does not have a visa/ citizenship. Unfortunately I have heard stories and watched as FIL and BIL fish online.

I'm trying to work out what to cook for Ramadan, I don't do it but DH gets bad heartburn so I have been banned from using any tomato sauces, and also I've been told not to use empty carbs so I'm not allowed to make anything pasta based. Plus as each fast is broken with a bowl of chorba, soup for dinner is out.

Rienfenty Fri 27-May-16 22:47:49

Hi pirate hunter. First of all no one can really know what this man is like and no one can advise if he is good for you however a few things to bear in mind is culture difference, religious beliefs and plans for the future. My husband is Berber and from a small city, he has strong beliefs and is the complete opposite of men in my culture (I am British). This can be very difficult and testing for our marriage sometimes however this is what we wanted and we compromise to make t work. All I can suggest is that if meeting in person, take someone with you, never be alone with him, respect yourself, learn about Islam and speak to him about his beliefs and culture. Don't judge him on what you hear from others too, he could be out for a visa or he could be completely genuine no one can know. Just keep your eyes wide open and learn as much as you can about everything before you make any decisions. If you need someone to talk to or any support I can pm you my email or Facebook. Take care

ThePirateHunter Fri 27-May-16 08:50:31

Hi, I just met this site and found the thread who talking about woman marrying Alergian man. Well I don't know if this thread is still active or not but I really need to hear other people opinion about my relationship with my Algerian man, I hope someone read this ;)
I met him on December last year and decided to build our romantic relationship on April. he is the most polite man I've ever know, we met online and he said he really serious about our relationship and decided to visit me and meet my parents to talk about this relationship. we set the date and it supposed to be in september this year but he just surprise me and told me that he already have ticket to fly to my country in the middle of june. instead of being happy and surprised i just got angry to him, it's just because i was not ready yet to have such a serious relationship with any guy since i'm only 22 and he is 37 i think he will make it as the big deal. i just told him that i'm not ready for marriage yet because it scare me and it also because i read so many negative review on internet about algerian man plus we only have a month relationship. but instead being mad at me he just understand how i'm not ready about all of this and talk to me slowly his intention to meet me and my parents on june and he really patience to answer all of my doubts. now i'm ready to meet him on june and even already tell my parents about his visit to meet them, and so far they have a positive reaction about his plan. his a beber man live in village call selloum. guys am i gone too far with my relationship with him? is this the right decision to let him meet me that fast? and do you think it's normal?
i will be very happy if there's someone who answer me ;)

SeriousSam Thu 19-May-16 11:57:20

yah. but he doesnt use my money. so he needs me for his visa but he paid himself.

stairway Wed 18-May-16 18:43:55

Hi momof2. I haven't done anything yet but its on my mind. We usually have a tidy up first. I'm trying to make a few preserved lemons for some tagines.
My morrocan friend said she would help me make some of their special cakes this year. I'm rubbish at the north African cooking makarky but I try harder during ramadam.
Rienfenty congratulations on deciding to take the shahadah ..or should that be mashAllah grin
I took mine nearly 8 years ago at east London mosque.
My advice is do what you feel comfortable doing in regards to the religion, nothing more and nothing less.
I'm not the best muslimah I don't prey enough and never cover my head. I tried it and hated it.
I do love ramadam time though! Such a special family and spiritual time.

Rienfenty Wed 18-May-16 11:52:47

Salamalaikoum momof2uk and stairway! No Ramadan preparations yet however i will be saying shahada soon and I will make a list and practice prayer and also I have a slow cooker so i will be relying on that! Lol. Momof2uk it's so difficult to be put in this situation so I understand 100%, I have dreams of opening a centre for autistic children and their families in Algeria but your right they have no idea about autism which is really sad. Where are you from in UK x

momof2uk Tue 17-May-16 23:20:04

Rienfenty I also have a son with autism, and that is also a massive no for me about ever seriously moving over to Algeria. It's just not recognised and supported there like it is here. Stairway I've made a few preparations but not a lot so far, I just can't seem to get with it this year. How are you getting on with your preparations?

stairway Tue 17-May-16 22:35:20

Hi to all the new Algerian wives grin
Mumof2 and Rienfenty salam it would be nice to keep this thread active.
Hello again beemybaby are you back from the bled yet?
Anyone preparing for ramadam yet?

Rienfenty Wed 11-May-16 10:12:29

I have a son whom is autistic so I refuse to live in Algeria as there is no support or therapy for him there. Which gives him no choice really. Maybe in the future it's something to think about though. There are no other Algerians around where we live and he's struggling to find work so he is at home a lot which he isn't used to (he's 25 I'm 22) so he spent all of his time in Algeria out with his friends😩. Yeah they are easily intertwined, I can understand your concerns with your children. I am converting and find it difficult to accept culture when I know the religion to say otherwise.

BeeMyBaby Mon 09-May-16 19:02:04

Why did he move to the uk if he doesn't like it? Does he want to go back? I completely agree with the culture and religion clash, but it's only become an issue as we have children now.

Rienfenty Thu 05-May-16 19:41:20

I am married to an Algerian! And he can be a nightmare sometimes! We are in our first year of marriage and he moved to the UK about 8 months ago. He hates it here which makes things super hard for our relationship. Culture drives me nuts too because most of it clashes with religion (the culture is the problem not the religion). He is Berber chaouia and I find him very tough when it comes to his feelings lol I do love him dearly though 😊

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