Anyone with Algerian husband?

(59 Posts)
doublemuvver Sat 05-Mar-11 12:17:45

Curious to know of others married to Algerians and what, if any, cultural differences/issues you have experienced. We've been married 6 years and have 2 kids (twins). Life is a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes.

walterwhiteswife Tue 31-Dec-13 04:02:04

my exh never tried to stop me drinking. I was however a massive weed smoker and he suggested I stopped that!! for the first couple of years of marriage he was the centre of my world. but looking back now I wasn't the centre of his. he was an emotional bully and sometimes physical. when ds was 2 I fled to a refuge and now live happily by ourselves. its been very hard regarding the following islam for our son and something we fall out over all the time. but ds loves him and he loves ds so I bite my lip

worldcitizen Mon 30-Dec-13 23:42:48

Oh bee, I am sorry I didn't mean to stirr up bad feelings here sad

BeeMyBaby Mon 30-Dec-13 22:13:08

I'm not sure about it all to be honest, I would say the majority of rules that dh has insisted upon have been for my own benefit although I couldn't see it initially. Other people comment negatively on these but I can understand why dh has said them and I'm happy to stick to them- no going out to pubs for example, my workmates all complain but I get why this is no longer appropriate for me. My parents complain that I no longer drink alcohol (what an odd complaint!) but it is better for my health and I was a binge drinker before.
The only really awful Algerian man I've come across is fil, who married a woman in France for a visa and is just horrendous, and some of dh's friends have married for visas...

Hell, it is depressing to know I will never know whether dh married me for me, or because of a visa. I will stop my ramble here!

worldcitizen Mon 30-Dec-13 20:50:10

Hello bee,
I would like to go as far as saying how unsure I am exactly about this type of man treating ANY woman that way.
I do feel that with Algerian women or any country the men is heading from being shared as a background with his wife, actually puts him in a much more difficult position to hold up with cultural expectations asked from him to fulfill, IYSWIM

I very often feel, it's with European women for example more a case of having the cake and eat it. And simply stating and demanding all the expectations, presumably then everything being argued to be cultural or religious norms of his upbringing etc.
However, assuming they are true...what about all the things he needs to do for his wife and family, which are also expectations of his culture...

Most women not from those cultures do not know enough or actually believe the stereotype versions themselves and buy into it....

It's hard for me to explain, but it makes my blood boil and I get so angry about these things, especially since they truly give Islam, and arabic/berber culture a bad rep as well.

And I am angry for women being mistreated that way, especially if they give so much and are so tolerant and want to learn the language, and about the culture and the country and are willing to convert and/or have their children being raised as Muslims and true to their father's cultural background.

I just get so sad about this...

BeeMyBaby Mon 30-Dec-13 19:38:58

I'm so far in a happy marriage but I understand what you are getting at- some demands are very difficult to cope with. I would say that this behaviour is not against European women- it is simply how they would treat any wife- European or Algerian.

worldcitizen Mon 30-Dec-13 15:44:57

I am always so sorry when these things happen. I always wonder what the right approach to this should be?
Or maybe, the woman is too good-hearted or emotionally hungry, so a hot-blooded charming good-looking Mediterranean mman simply hits all the right buttons at the right time?

walterwhiteswife Mon 30-Dec-13 15:39:53

not alot you can do world people tried with me but I was blind. 11 years on and one ds later and I still can't get rid!

worldcitizen Mon 30-Dec-13 15:36:30

This is so sad...sad I once lost a very dear friend...she married an Algerian, and please the emphasis on being "Berber and not Arab" shows to me how much the region and culture is being misunderstood.
It's almost like brainwashing as in explaing the woman their views of their culture, religion etc. as being universal to their country...

Most of the young male Algerians who came to Europe from the early nineties on (and who are from Kabyla etc.) are truly horrible in so many ways and they also give their country and the culture such a bad rep.

Most women who are with them are way above their leaugue and they go through hell with them...like my friend, but when I warned and explained, she didn't listen and dropped me like a hot potatoe, he also made her to...

later she was so afraid of him, she only wanted to get through with the visa thing and hoped that he would get 'rid of her', so she wouldn't have to fear him stalking her etc.

I also heard and saw over and over again the scenario older European woman with younger fella from Tunisia, Morocco, Egypt etc. usually working there in hospitality claiming to be totally in love...

When I tred to explain why he is most likely lying and all that...the women simply liked to kill the messenger...

walterwhiteswife Mon 30-Dec-13 14:48:05

no tbh I wouldn't have listened but if I knew then what I know now I would have run for the hills!

walterwhiteswife Mon 30-Dec-13 14:46:01

what was you're questions? ?

worldcitizen Sat 28-Dec-13 14:15:48

Hey hello, just found this thread again and saw that some have actually responded to my question. So sorry, but this thread didn't show up as being continued anymore...sorry.
I'll read the responses and then will write again, if you're all still there smile

BeeMyBaby Fri 27-Dec-13 20:31:23

Ditto!

walterwhiteswife Wed 25-Dec-13 14:22:02

bringmesunshine I hope you are safe and well and well away from him.

youarepricelessforme Sun 07-Jul-13 13:16:20

bringmesunshine deleted all her post but why? did she say something horrible ?is she crazy anyway i've got everything copied and well kept for the kids to see the lies of their mum when they get older she destroyed the family she is greedy ,she is hypocrit when she say she converted she has abducted the kids fom their father just because it was playing on her mind that i may take them she betrayed me and all my family i never had the intention to remove the kids from her she just decided not to move to algeria so she did a big mess for her plan .she is evil ,how can she do this to her husband to her kids ,she ignored everyone and then she comes her on mnet and pretend to be the victim .allah akbar on her and all the evil people who are helping her to separate the kids from their father

Merieme Tue 26-Feb-13 18:50:44

Even as an algerian i feel overwhelmed with all the culture, the way that we worked this out was by communicating. As long as your man supports you, you have nothing to worry about and sometimes you do need to remind them that just because you are not algerian/arab that doesnt mean they can take you for granted. my grandad once said to me 'if you eat, and shit you can surly cook and clean!!'loool

(so happy that i have found people that are in a similar situation to me)

Merieme Tue 26-Feb-13 18:17:27

@javotte, there is seriously nothing to worry about. answering your question, no you dont need to cover up algeria is more western then western countries, although you might want to in order to avoid getting a sun burn!

Merieme Tue 26-Feb-13 18:12:20

Hi ladies,
I dont blame you tbh, although I am originally algerian i was born and bread in london, and i also find the same cultural diffictuties when i visit.
As a young girl i promised myself not to get married to an algerian, and after 10 years or so i find that am doing just that. As I am both Algerian and English, I can give you the different view points and how their (mens)mentalities change.

papa123 Wed 09-Jan-13 20:52:20

you can alwaysgo to algeria and get married there its easier for him to get a visa . good luck

XAQSHNR Mon 07-Jan-13 17:44:38

lhuges90 (& anyone else) - Maybe you can help me? My husband & I got married in April, 2013 in Tunisia. He still lives in Algeria. I am a U/S. citizen, but I live in the Caribbean. So far we have been unsuccessful in obtaining a Transitional VISA/Passport that will allow him to travel directly here through Germany, France, Spain, or Italy. I would like him to be here first, than we will start the process of a Spousal VISA to the U.S. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. confused Sincerely, Juana PS Thank God for Skype!!!

javotte Tue 02-Oct-12 20:32:01

hugues my husband is from Akbou. I felt safe last time we went (but we travelled to and from Algiers with DH's uncle, who is a policeman). You don't have to cover your head, especially in Kabyla.

doublemuvver Wed 26-Sep-12 22:09:02

world citizen one of my friends was concerned we wouldn't be able to talk about punk rock. I told him there were many other topics in the world. Plus I had an Arabic cover of a Clash song as my first dance smile

lhughes90 Wed 19-Sep-12 19:19:17

BeeMyBaby thank you for all your advice smile

BeeMyBaby Sat 15-Sep-12 15:36:16

hughes I think there has been an advisory notice in the UK not to visit algeria for years due to terrorism (Algeria is full of check points on the roads because of the constant threat), my advice is just learn a few berber words and try not to talk in public too much if you're worried (this also helps keep market stall prices down). Personally I feel very safe there but I avoid public transport (more so because its very uncomfortable). Akbou is fine, my BIL actually rents a shop there. Its not disrespectful not to wear hijab in Algiers, more that you will be stared at, especially if you stay in a more Islamic part of the city - I wore maxi dresses with long sleeved tops & a hijab when out and think I didn't stand out too much.

lhughes90 Sat 15-Sep-12 00:58:56

BeMyBaby yes my boyfriend is from Bejaia. His family lives in Akbou. Do you feel its safe there?..the only reason i am asking is because the american government travel website says there is a terrorist warning for americans traveling to algeria. but he says i will be safe with him. we will also be visiting algiers..and do you think it is disrespectful not to cover myself while in the cities? any tips or suggestions?..sorry i have like a million questions lol.

BeeMyBaby Fri 14-Sep-12 14:18:50

Yes I'm still in the UK sunshine

Worldcitizen I was told by various people but didn't listen, however, although the relationship is hard I wouldn't say I regretted it in any way and my DH is still very much dear to me.

hughes getting married in Algeria takes quite a long time, for further info you should look over the Algeria.com website as it has a lot of info on what you need to get married in Algeria, I think it took around 4 months from our application to getting the OK - you will need a CONI, etc and blood tests when you are there (to check for HIV), everything must be translated into French and its cheapest to do this in Algeria at around £5 a page. You will need to get a tourist visa and therefore you will need your husbands family to write you an invite from their town hall. Obviously you are aware that there should be no hand holding etc, and the actual civil marriage part just involves you signing the marriage cert. Even though you are not Muslim it can be a good idea to wear a hijab in the cities, although in the Berber villages nobody really wears one. Is your husband from Bejaia?

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