Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

(460 Posts)

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment sad What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

99momo Tue 25-Mar-14 18:56:10

Sorry to hear about your loss. I went through the same many years ago. I had one healthy child at age 33 and waited too long to have another one. I had a miscarriage at aged 39 at about 8 weeks and then my second pregnancy I was 40 years old and i managed to get to 13 weeks and the third pregnancy i was about 8 weeks again. It is awful to be told when you have a scan. After that I went through all sorts of fertility treatment for one to two years and no luck with a second pregnancy.

Best advice i can give is to focus on your one child at the moment.

Redbird12 Sat 19-Jan-13 13:19:57

Just a further update from me...got a BFP last weekend and now 5 weeks pg so keeping everything crossed that this one sticks. Think it was an Xmas Day conception!
Hope everyone else is well and 2013 is a better year for us all smile

I'm a bit late to the catching up party. Sadly no joy here either. I am thinking of going to GP in Jan, not sure it will help but I sort of want to know it won't happen so I can move on. We are also having a break from the fertility monitor, but might return to it soon. Happy 2013 though to everyone!

Redbird12 Wed 28-Nov-12 18:10:30

Hi heels and lou good to catch up again. We are still TTC again after the 2 mc's earlier this year. We had tests which all came back as normal and I had acupuncture but still no luck in TTC despite conceiving fairly easily previously.

I am almost at the point of wanting to give up because I hate the way it has taken over my life the last few months and means I can never plan anything eg holidays, whether to throw myself into work and focus on getting promoted.

But I am 37 and am worried that I will regret it in a few years if we don't keep trying whilst we still have the opportunity. I am trying not to get too stressed about it as I know this will just make TTC even harder.

Just debating booking a really nice holiday for next summer....then I either have something to look forward to or end up cancelling it for a good reason!

LoubLou Lovely to hear from you but sorry you too have not been successful. I think it takes time to adjust and constantly go from relief that this is it, to sadness that I will never be pregnant again, on a weekly if not daily basis.
I think as we already have beautifull girls we have to be thankfull don't we ?
But I must say, I had DD1 at 39, and pregnant again at 41 so still time ..........

belgian what a lovely story, just goes to show doesn't it ! I have read that pre menapause we have a fertility spert where our bodies chuck out our remaining eggs, but his also brings about a higher increase in multiple babies...eeeek twins and 43 scares me half to death lol

corblimeymadam Tue 27-Nov-12 15:52:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

corblimeymadam Tue 27-Nov-12 15:50:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loubloutwinmum Tue 27-Nov-12 15:12:18

Hi Heels - was thinking of you over the weekend and decided to look at this thread today. Typed a reply a minute ago and it promptly disappeared!!!

Sorry that you have not had any luck but just wanted to say hi as this thread got me through some very dark days. We decided not to try again but have had a few care free months as I think secretly we both struggle to let go of the idea of adding to our family, but nothing has happened. I am fast approaching 39 and like you, think we may have missed the boat! Have found it really hard again recently as this time last year I was pregnant and blissfully unaware that all was not well and we were looking to the future with a new baby. However, my girls are nearly ten now so a baby would be tough, even tougher a toddler and hormonal teenage girls, but saying that, I'd love it if it happened.

Anyway, just wanted to catch up as I do think of you and the other ladies on this thread often. Love to all xxx

So sorry cornish truely heartbreaking for you both. I had mine under general, like you I would not fancy this under local. As *MrsJohnDeere" has said is there a reason ? If not I would be tempted to change my mind.

MrsJohnDeere Sat 24-Nov-12 11:58:36

cornishrainbow so sorry that you are going through this sad. I was in a near identical situation 5 weeks ago now. I'm really surprised that they want to do it under local anaesthetic. I thought GA was the norm? Is there anything in your particular medical history that makes GA dangerous for you?

Cornishrainbow Sat 24-Nov-12 08:18:56

I am new to Mumsnet but trying to find some support as I was (what I thought was) 11.3 weeks pregnant with my first PG, but at my 12 week scan it showed no heart beat and the baby had died 4 weeks ago. Absolutely devastated as we'd been trying for 3 years and so unbelievably excited and happy when it finally happened naturally, and now to have this awful awful news.... I'm so sorry to hear that all of you have been through the same- my heart goes out to you all.
I am booked in for surgical management on Tuesday, and they are doing it under local anaesthetic- I'm just wondering if anyone else had experienced this under local anaesthetic and how much pain/blood/distress is involved?? The doctor I saw yesterday convinced me that GA was dangerous and that LA was the best option... But I'm worried that I'm going to freak out and hearing the procedure will make it all so much more real? From what I've read I definitely don't think I could handle the medical management route....
Just so so awful and heartbreaking and can't even believe I'm having to make these decisions....

Goldenjubilee10 Mon 12-Nov-12 18:43:34

He's my third. I have 2 ds's who were almost 11 and 9 when he was born. Obviously I love them all the same but I appreciate him so much more. He was really poorly when he was born and I had doubts that we would ever get to take him home. There's not a day goes by that I don't feel amazement that we have him.

Ah Golden what a lovely story, was it your first baby ? I think of DD as my little miracle, after loosing one and then conceiving 8 weeks later with one tube, which is why I have decided that it if doesn't happen again for me I will not be devestated.

Goldenjubilee10 Sun 11-Nov-12 19:50:48

I haven't posted on this thread before but thought I should say that I had 2 m/c's in feb '04 @12+ weeks and July '04 @7 weeks. When I had not managed to conceived by sept '05 and fast approaching my 42nd birthday a job opportunity came up and I decided the time had come to call it a day and move on. Our miracle was born the following July. shock

Hoping for success for you all.

Not sure if any of you ladies still check in, but would love to know if any of you have been successful ?
DH and I have all but given up now, although we have given ourselves to Christmas, I no longer test for ovulation and manically test the day AF is due. If I fell now DD would be nearly 4 when LO would be born sad and I would be 43. DD is beautiful and I thank god everyday for her, she is a joy.
But would love to hear about any happy news ?

blackcat and havetowearheels same here. MC feb still TTC, I was so full of hope worth the whole supposedly being extra fertile for 3 months and now I sometimes feel it will never happen again.

Hi Blackcat, sorry to hear you are TTC, hope it happens for you soon. Same here too sad DH and I have given until Christmas as I will then be 42 1/2, after that we will count our lucky stars we have DD and get on with our life with her.

blackcatsdancing Mon 04-Jun-12 17:41:25

Hi allchik really pleased to hear your good news and hope your pregnancy progresses without any problems. I think there is at least 1 thread on being pregnant after a MC/MMC so hope you can find some support on there, completely understand the way you feel.
nothing to report here. My ERPC was start of Feb and still TTC.

allchik Wed 30-May-12 15:32:52

Hello, how is everyone?
Had my scan and it was ace! they measured me to be almost 7 weeks (was hoping to be 8....every week counts!!) But there was a strong heartbeat from the little blob so that was amazing to see as there was nothing at my lst scan sad I am also feeling kind of reasured by the fact I am retching/running to puke about 5 times a day!! But still just feel total dread....just wish i could get al happy and excited but just seem to have a complete mental block....hopefully this will change over time smile
Hope everyone is enjoying the sun x

Munchin Thu 17-May-12 21:31:53

Congrats allchick and try and enjoy being pg. Its terrible that after trauma of having a mc it robs you of the happiness you should have in early days of next pregnancy. It's natural to be nervous and cautious. I was so naive when I had a mmc as I had healthy pregnancies before. You are doing all that you can by arranging those early scans.

Hi dorita and blackcats hope all is well.

Dorita75 Wed 16-May-12 20:25:33

Here's that link allchick www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1457854-Just-MC-and-ready-to-try-again-Pregnant-after-MC-and-seeking-somewhere-safe-to-hide-Come-on-down-to-the-mosh-pit-for-some-serious-metalling-and-cake-overindulgence

I'm more of a lurker on it at the mo wink
Hope all's okay with you blackcats I'm due on on Sunday (if all's returned to as it was before...) and hate these few days. Last month I was angry and a bit teary for about a week&half, so hard to be positive. Fingers crossed tho. Good luck to you x

blackcatsdancing Wed 16-May-12 10:02:26

allchik congrats on your pregnancy. I too had a MMC earlier this year. I've yet to get pregnant again but i know i will be terrified of a MC happening again especially as age is very against me. However I did have a MC in my 20s and my next pregnancy was successful so try to stay positive, hopefully it was a one off.

allchik Tue 15-May-12 20:12:15

Thanku so much,I think I remember seeing ur name on a thread before,I hope things r ok with u smile ur so right about mc being sadly common,n know theres no reason to worry as such,I just wnt this so much,and am so hoping to have a healthy bump by Sept as thats when I was due b4,that prob sounds real bad but cnt help it sad heres hoping x x x

Dorita75 Mon 14-May-12 22:32:24

Ah congratulations allchick that's brilliant news. You're bound to feel anxious this time around but try and remember there's nothing you can Do except the usual looking after yourself...you know the mc stats, sadly it's so, so common first time around then the bouncing babies start! Try and relax a bit and maybe speak to others in same boat for reassurance? There's a thread I'm on that I can't send as on phone but will do tomorrow, it help make light of all the mental times! Congrats again on being pregnant smile x

allchik Mon 14-May-12 15:35:00

Hi all, I hope you dont mind me posting on here. I was on mumsnet a lot back in feb as had a mmc with my first pregnancy. I thought I was 13 weeks but the baby had died at 7. It was such a crap, sad, awful time. I guess you just look forward to it all so much and I think i was quite naive about anything bad happening....especially as I got to (or so i thought) 13 weeks with no bleeding or cramps sad ... me and my husband started trying again after the erpc and got caught very quickly! I thought I would feel really happy and excited but I dont know if I can!? Im 6+5 at the moment and am just so scared of it happening agin sad I feel really guilty for not being able to 'enjoy' this pregnancy as much as before and am terrified that I have had another mmc and just dont know as had no idea it happened last time (still had symptoms etc) I have booked in for a private scan next Monday at 7+5....fingers crossed there will be a heart beat...then I will be having another at 10....I just feel like I want to crawl under a blanket and wake up with a big belly!!....not knowing is so scary....sending love and baby dust to everyone xxx

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