Help!! Court action wondering??

[AMummyFromNotts]

Hi,
I have a 10 week old baby and i have given access to my ex partner(which he always had anyways ) he taking court actions against me i don't know what for really as he has access already:S and it regular contact
He constantly chaning his mind one minute he was going for fulll custody the next he going for PR i really confused however whatever he going for he said it won't take long during the time he had access, i just dismissed all his comments as i cba to have a battle.
I didn't put him on the birth certificate for a valid reason
I just wondering what do you lot think his next move is and how long does it all take ? Does he even have a case as after all he has access?
What the point in him having access to still want to take court actions?
I just don't understand what exactly he after .

[EllenandBump]

He needs to get parental responsibility i think before he can even apply for a court order, which would mean he would have to prove he was the baby's father. I am getting a solicitors advice regards of residency. Firstly, he may just want it all put in writing so that he does have parental responsibility so that you cant just change oyur mind and cut him out of the childs life. x

[prh47bridge]

No, he does not need to get PR in order to get a contact order or residence order. However, he is likely to get PR if he applies.

The OP seems to be admitting that he is the father so there is no need for him to prove anything in that regard.

If he keeps changing his mind about what he wants it is impossible to predict his next move. He can take court action over contact if he is unhappy with the current contact arrangements but if he is happy with the current situation he is wasting his time. The courts won't make an order unless there is a disagreement.

[EllenandBump]

I would get it all done legally then he cant keep changing his mind. There is tehn no disputes, he either goes to court for contact, joint residence whatever or says to your solicitor in writing that he does not want contact with the child, It all seems so complicated. I always thought you had to be related to get a contact order, but am obviously wrong. x

[prh47bridge]

If he is the father of your child he is related to your child regardless of whether or not you put him on the birth certificate.

[EllenandBump]

But does he not need to prove that or have you confirm that? Surely? Otherwise anyone could say i am the kids father and get access? x

[prh47bridge]

You can say he isn't the father if you want. He can then ask the court to order a DNA test to determine whether or not he is the father.

[AMummyFromNotts]

Saying he isn't the father will make me look like a bad mother and if the truth was revealed isn't going look very good on my side isit, and my daughter isn't going thank me for it when she older eventhough i wish i could sometimes.

[AMummyFromNotts]

Surely the courts would consider my side beforehand?
They must listen to both parties before making any form of decision otherwise it just coming from a bias point of view.

who invented silly PR anyways? When does a father really make any day to day decision about there child when the mother present divorced ,married or separated or not very rarely.
He doesn't really need PR in order to be a father.
If that the case many children in today's society are not brought up with there biological fathers eventhough they are named on the birth cert it doesn't exactly mean the child see's him as a father figure .There are many cases where the mother has a new partner and the child classes her mother partner as the father due to the role he plays,although he doesn't have PR in the child mind that doesn't change anything. So i believe very strongly in the fact that if he proves or plays a good father role in the child life the child will recongnise him and only him as there father.



From my view, i couldn't see why the courts would grant him PR firstly he wouldn't be invovled in day to day decision of the child as the child will be in my full time care she would obviously go to a school nearby where i live as that makes sense my ex partner don't have a religion so that wouldn't matter and medical treatment yet again that something he wouldn't be bothered about having a say in.There are no benefits for the child sake in ordering PR

Not having PR over a child doesn't prevent you for making an application for contact i believe i read it somewhere.
Contact order is an order which entitles the person in the order to have contact with the other person named in the order ..
Alot of men think getting PR entitles them to override the mother and give them automatic contact with the child however PR is just having responsiblities over that child in making day to day decisions or a say because really from my POV PR in a father case means literally nothing if the mothers around because she always informed first.

So overall PR for father is daft

[addictediam]

When does a father really make any day to day decision about there child

I am shocked. What a silly attitude

[addictediam]

What about when your child is older and goes to stay with the father and there could be an accident or he needs to take her to the dr.

My dh has equal say in what happens to our children. why should you have any more say than him?

[AMummyFromNotts]

Ok rights first of all i came comepletely off my point here .
In many normal cases a father would fight for PR because they wanted to be involved in the child day to day decision, in this case it not as easy as just saying ok fine go on the birth certificate.My point is he just wants PR for the fact he wants to make my LIFE difficult he sees it as a starting post to many more other evil trick up his sleeve ,all of which isn't taking in consideration the child interest really the stress of running back and forth to courts because of all his silly demands is no good for a child is it?and watching there mother in stress running back and forth to solicitors isn't also having the child interest at heart for the rest of my life i would like to enjoy my time with my child so far it been threats upon threats blackmailing upon blackmail to get his own way . If it was as easy as just signing a few papers and getting rid i sure would opt for it because of his whole motivation behind this will encourage further silly actions it isn't going solve any problems
Obviously he wouldn't enter an application saying i want PR for x-y-z reasons he going play on part probably like you guys said he wants day to day decision of the child but evidently it not about that in this case

Didn't enter him on in spite reason or to stop him having any rights over the child obviously he will play on that part because it common it happens. The threats he made before for whatever reason he assumed i had to put him on so he was kicking off about actions he was going to take DURING & b4 i went and done the birth cert as much as he didn't know nothing was sign until weeks later. This type of guy obviously gives alot of fathers a bad name out there as some father whole heartly want PR just purely on the fact they want to be able to have a say in those day to day decisions.Maybe for instance if i could drawn up some type of agreement alongside accepting PR whichs allows him PR to make those important decision however doesn't allow him legally to take things to another level then that would be cool that way both parties are happy.

Is this even possible ?

[AMummyFromNotts]

Also within the agreement it will offer him access on a certain day say for instance a saturday starting from 45min supervised by me until she at a reasonable age which will increase to like an hour unsupervised if that goes well within another agreement whatever is then suitable for contact issues.

[Santa5l1ttleHelper]

I think you really need to get your head around how the courts and cafcass work. It is always better for a child to have a good relationship with both parents and of course many fathers play an active role in their child's upbringing. you may be right about your ex's motivations but you have to rise above it and be the bigger person or you are going to look unreasonable.

[Youllbewaiting]

OP you do realise he is going to get a lot more contact than you are offering if he goes to court?

[EllenandBump]

Depends on the circumstances really. My solicitor seems to think that it is fine for my ex to have contact at a contact centre. This would be every other saturday as that is the only time the one closeset to me is open, i havent mentioned he is living with his mother at current and he accused her of sexual abuse and went to police about it, but if need be will do. He also has drink problems and takes drugs, which we did detail and the DV. Although most of it i left out. I was in front of a friends of the family who took me as they had also been through a divorce, but gained full residency as the children did not want anything to do with their mother as she had just walked out and left them while dad was working loing distance driving on the continent, they were teenagers at the time, and the son ended up in counselling as he felt it was his fault mum had left dad fdor another bloke and gone off and had an affair! She then had the damned cheek to turn up on the doorstep at a later date and ask to come back! She obviously wasnt welcomed back. She does see her children, but they are now grown up with children of their own. So i think it depends on the circumstances to what the court agrees to. Ideally you will manage to agree before having to take it to court but he sounds like the type to take it all the way to court tbh. x

[Santa5l1ttleHelper]

You have a lot to learn. All circumstances are different and the court will only deny contact if your ex is criminally insane. Contact at contact centres is usually the beginning of building up to unsupervised contact

[Kayano]

So access is 45 minutes until she is of an unspecified 'suitable age'

Maybe he just wants some clarity

[cestlavielife]

" it been threats upon threats blackmailing upon blackmail to get his own way "

you need a good record of these threats eg emails and you reporting them to police. otherwise they count for nothing.

if your response to these threats has been ranting off in emails back then it wont look good.

[AMummyFromNotts]

I have been trying to solve the problem without courts obviously he isn't having none of it , i explained the reason why i didn't put him on becasue of the threats he made ect yet again he doesn't want to hear none of it he just thinks he the hard done by one and not taking in consideration anyone elses feelings but himself and what he wants. As i see it i been actually reasonable i put up with abuse threats and even still try to make contact with him for our child sake it feel like i am the one that doing all the organising the access he has now was what i set up. He hasn't lifted a finger or made any attempts to see his child and just listed a thousand of excuses because i changed my number that was the excuse, however i change my number due to the threats i was recieving was emotionally upsetting me (threats in like taking full custody of our child ,emotionally blackmailing me such as if you don't sign this agreement i am taking you to court, he claims he brought our child a present and said she not having it until the child is at his parents ) .
Because i moved house that was another one of his lame excuses yes i did however he doesn't need to know where i live in order to see his child he wants to know where i live to be abusive and hang outside my property that this is the type of bloke we dealing with here someone thats not willing to reasons with the more you give him the more he wants court will probably be only best option with dealing with him i suppose.
He took legal advise after i refused going to his parents house one sunday that hardly a valid reasons to start filing for court actions ( taking in consideration i was still under midwives and also still recovering from a c-section.)
Then he demanded that i let him have the baby if i couldn't come hardly a normal thing any1 would say.



allso how will i look unreasonable ??He obviously being unreasonable becuase this could be sorted out between the two of us but he perfer to take legal action.
He only accepting ACCESS because his representative probably said so but beforehand it was either i only seeing my child unless i can take her out on my own. THIS IS A NEWBORN BABY WE TALKING ABOUT A 2 YEAR OLD CHILD . It not like i was living with him during my pregs or anything or we are married ..
As far as i concern even if i let him take the baby i would slated for not caring about my child, now i am slated for not accepting him so it a lose lose situation on in my case and also yes what the point in fighting for anything i might as well put him on the dotted line i might as well give up becasue i am in a losing battle basically your saying regardless what he said and done that doesn't change anything though becaus he the father right.

[AMummyFromNotts]

45 MINS is also more enough for a 2 and half month old chld btw why should i force my child up to bond with his dad that just ridculous just because that specified time suits him.
doubt the court would give him anything of a sort if the child interest are at heart

[Snorbs]

I think you misunderstand what Parental Responsibility is about. PR is not about you involving him in day to day decisions. PR is about you involving him in the big decisions - choice of school, non-emergency medical care etc. It doesn't even mean you have to do what he says. It just means you should try to co-parent for the big stuff. It's not "daft", it's a legal recognition that children are not just the property of their mothers but that they have two parents.

You could get the ball rolling to resolving the PR issue today. You and him would need to fill out a Parental Responsibility Agreement form C(PRA1), getting it witnessed appropriately and sending it in to be registered. No solicitors, no court date, no judges. It's been years since I did it so I can't remember if it costs anything. It's only if you choose not to do this that his next option is to apply to court for a Parental Responsibility Order. As a judge would almost certainly grant such an application it might be worth sorting it out between yourselves.

Your suggestion for an agreement would effectively be asking him to sign away any right he has to apply to court for contact. Quite frankly he'd had to be an idiot to do that and I'm not sure it would be legally binding. Would you sign away your rights to see your child?

It's hard to say what a court would order for contact with such a young child. The general idea is "little and often". I'm not sure that a judge would agree that 45min per week is sufficient. Moreover, a judge might regard that you offering only that with no discussion or compromise while also digging your heels in regarding the birth certificate and PR could be seen as you being unreasonable.

If you look at this as a black-and-white, one person wins and the other loses then you are going to stress yourself out massively. Would it be worth suggesting to him that as a compromise you'll agree to him getting Parental Responsibility and that you'll attend mediation with him to thrash out a mutual agreement without needing to go to court?

[AMummyFromNotts]

I think i am better off seeing a representative to know where i stand.
Between me and my ex partner 45mins seems reasonable atm .
Obviously everyone has different views on what is and isn't reasonable for them .Every case regarding a child is unique your never going come across two identical cases.
As this is a public network i cannot put the whole in and outs of the story probably i missed out those finer details which could piece this all together everyone is obviously giving information based on what they know or have been through. As it stands atm i think i am doing the right thing some people state they agree with me and i shouldn'tt him on the birth certifcate as i have a valid reasons other disagree and think i should.

I just hope whatever decision is made it stuck to and 5 years down the line when my ex partner circumstances change, i hope my child isn't just forgetten about.
It ok saying a father must retain a realtionship between a child but sometimes not retaining a realtionship could cause less damage than retaining one in first place . There many fathers who go court get all these contact arrangement in place and so on ,then they come across a sudden change in life and are no longer interested . As far as i know i am the only person who will be will remain in my child life, anyone else will be where the wind blows

[Snorbs]

Of course, it's true that we only have what you write here to go on. There may be some fantastically good reason for you not putting him on the birth certificate. There may be solid grounds for you to believe he will drop out of contact.

Based on what you've written here so far, though, I can't see why you are so very kern to minimise your son's father's involvement in your son's life.

[Santa5l1ttleHelper]

I think the point you're missing here is that you can't change the way that the courts and cafcass deal with contact issues. I think everyone is trying to advise you that you need to separate your emotions from fact because you are coming across as unreasonable to your ex's wishes to build a relationship with his daughter and that is what the courts will want to promote. You are actually coming across as controlling and wanting to call all the shots. It's not that I'm not sympathetic, I just think you need to be prepared. If I had a £1 fir everytime I'd said but surely the children's wishes should come first I'd be a rich woman. My 10 year old son is so stressed about contact with his father that he said he felt like killing himself yet the courts still order contact, perhaps that gives you some perspective on the court system! Someone once said the courts will move heaven and earth to keep contact going between a child and absent parent and never a truer word was said.

[EllenandBump]

I think the OP is worried that the child is going to get to say 5 or 6 and be able to remember dad and dad is just going to go off and leave him and forget all about the child. She isnt saying she want him not to have PR but she doesnt want him to be able to take her to court over any little disagreements. x